So I tried asking out a girl...

So I'm in love. She's a nice person, and I do like her. I've been in love with her all year long. So over the last couple of months I've been trying to ask her out. She doesn't even say no, and instead makes up excuses. So today, I tried to ask her out on a date for one last time. She didn't even try to talk to me. So as of right now, I'm going to tell her, that I won't ask her out anymore.

My question to PF is, am I doing the right thing? Does she hate me, or am I simply misreading her signs?

 

Hey, dude - I'd say you're not 'in love' - you're 'in lust'...... if you've been asking her out for the past couple of MONTHS and all you get are excuses, she's telling you that she's not interested......

Maybe I'm wrong and this is a game she's playing, but that's the way I see it - and she may already have a guy she cares about.....

You might ask her if she's in a relationship. If she is, then best to move on....

 

Why would you bother doing that? I suppose if you have to interact with her, than maybe that would make her less creeped out. But otherwise maybe just leave her alone.

 

Well, that was the plan.

 

I have her in 3 of my classes.

 

Treat yourself with more respect. Dress up and go out on a date with yourself. Be safe and have fun.

 

Kranes,

Attraction is a two way street, my friend. Don't beat yourself up about it. As for telling her you're not gonna ask again... I wouldn't do that. Just let it drop.

Remain respectful and cordial, but cool your jets on the romantic aspirations with her (at least for now).

...who knows, the tide may shift one day.

Take care

 

It sounds like a good plan.

 

Well thanks a lot for the advice.

 

Just use the "DENNIS" method.

D- demonstrate value

E- engage physically

N- nurture dependence

N- neglect emotionally

I- inspire hope

S- separate entirely

 

Kranes, it sounds like she isn't interested, but may be too embarrassed or shy to tell you. Perhaps she doesn't want to turn you down because she thinks she may hurt your feelings?
You can either do two things - one being ignore her and don't ask her out anymore, or you can try asking her out one more time, and requesting her to tell you why she keeps avoiding your question. But she may react badly to this, so be careful.

 

I think you should do what is right for you and make your decisions based on that. You can't gauge her motives. You don't know what's in her mind. There could be any number of reasons why she isn't going out with you. Does she go out with other people, i.e. do her parents allow her to go out with people? Of course she might be just flattered by the attention or confused and she doesn't want you to go away because she's enjoying it...

I used to hate and still hate it when you get friendly with someone and think they like you and you're connecting and have a real friend, then they hit on you and you realise they don't like or even know you and the connection was feigned, there is no connection at all other than physical attraction and they just want to **** you and have been misleading you all along. That is really annoying. In fact it has caused me a lot of problems in relationships as I don't trust anyone at all ever due to this, like being a stalked animal all of the time.

In your case, I remember certain boys I really liked at school as people but they just were never going to be my physical type and there was nothing I could do about that. I really was fond of them and wanted to be friends. I can tell you of two where the scars are with me still from the moment when they got up the courage and ...hahaha....it is a bit funny now when I think of it. But from the moment when they got up the courage to send their friends to ask me out for them. They didn't ask me themselves, that wasn't how it was done. One was John and the other Jim. Jim totally broke my heart, I really loved him as a friend and didn't want to hurt his feelings at all. It half killed me when he asked and I had to say no. I'm not a lookist now, but in school you don't know what you're doing, do you. I had a big good looking acceptably cool boyfriend and couldn't ditch him to go out with Jim. But that was the worst, I really liked Jim and knew it had to hurt him and he would have to move on and be lost to me, because carrying on talking and hanging out would then be upsetting him and making him angry toward me.

Then there was John. Loved him. Felt at home with him. Totally loved his whole character, an alpha to the very bone, a stand up guy, full of ethics, a tough guy with backbone, boss of all the guys, smart mouth, sharp and totally pragmatic so you knew he was going to make his way in the world...like a real life hero or something. But he had a face like a Mister Quorange and I just couldn't ever envisage having a snog at it. It still annoys me I couldn't get past that.

It didn't annoy him though. He just waited for his moment and had a good grope at my baps in the corridor (for which he could have been arrested) then shouted "Nobody can say I didn't get a feel".... The bastard. His way of keeping his macho pride. I don't advise this approach, by the way.

 

How old are you both? What do you think you love about her. Have you had past relationships? Could you see yourself married to her?
There are four kinds of love: eros, pathos, philia and agape.
Eros is physical love.
Pathos is emotional love such as sympathy.
Philia is brotherly love, such as common interests or mutually good character.
Agape is religious love.
When I was 19 I learned about those four kinds of love from four different sources in the same week and considered it a message from God. I decided not to approach a woman until I could confirm that I felt any three of the four. I ended up with some lonely years, but the two relationships I've had were rock solid because my love was so deep before they started.
If you're not going to make such a pledge, you can at least develop your approach based on whichever of these you are feeling. Common interests might be the most successful. You could arrange for a group to study together, or take her to a specific event you both want to attend but might not go alone to.
If it's just eros, tell her. Women like to be flattered, especially if not everyone finds her desirable.

 

(*)(*)(*)(*) her mom or burn her house down.

 

Don't ask her out on a date, ask her if she wants to go with you to the zoo/botanical garden/movie/coffee house/book store etc... I think the word "date" is scaring her.

 

Find another babe. She isn't the only one in the world.

 

I'm 16, I just want to ask her out on a date.

 

Alright sounds good.

 

You're a girl?

 

That's how I already do it.

 

But she's the one I want.

 

Move on, man.

 

So you two hang out and do stuff together?

If so, then you have been friendzoned. You have to decide if you love her enough to be a part of her life w/o being her boyfriend because the friendzone is a tough place to transition out of unless you're the main character of a movie.

 

She's shown she's not really interested in you from a romantic viewpoint at this time. She really owes you no explanation or reasoning for that.

Stop treating her as a potential suitor and start treating her as a friend. If anything develops it will develop from there.

Meanwhile, look around in greener pastures.

 

Yeah- find yourself another girl- she ain't interested.