Tasteless Humor

Darn right it's a trap!

 

"Late again," the third-grade teacher said to little Sammy.
"It's not my fault, Miss Crabtree. You can blame this on my Dad. The reason I'm three hours late is because my Dad sleeps naked."
Now Miss Crabtree had taught grammar school for thirty-some years. She asked little Sammy what he meant, despite her mounting fears.
Full of grins and mischief, and in the flower of his youth, little Sammy and trouble were old friends, but he always told the truth.
"Miss Crabtree, at the ranch we have a coyote. The past few nights it ate hens and killed Mom's best milk goat. Last night, when Dad heard a noise out in the chicken pen, he grabbed his gun and said to Mom, "That coyote's back and I'm going to get him!"
"Stay back, he yelled to all us kids!"
He was naked as a jaybird, no boots, no pants, no shirt!
He crawled right up and stuck that double barrel through the window of the coop. As he stared into the darkness with the coyote on his mind, our old hound dog, Zeke, woke up and snuck up behind Daddy.
Then we all looked on helpless as old Zeke stuck that cold nose in Dad's crack!
"Miss Crabtree, we been cleaning chickens since three this morning!"

 

Future Darwin Award winner in training

 

I'd text my mate, "What ya doing pal?"
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He replied, "Probably failing my driving test".

 

On a chain of beautiful deserted islands in the middle of the South Pacific, the following people are stranded:

· Two Italian men and one Italian woman.

· Two French men and one French woman.

Two German men and one German woman. (Don't know why they didn't get bullet points, maybe its historical sensitivities??)

· Two Greek men and one Greek woman.

· Two British men and one British woman.
· Two Bulgarian men and one Bulgarian woman.

· Two Japanese men and one Japanese woman.

· Two Chinese men and one Chinese woman.

· Two Irish men and one Irish woman.

· Two American men and one American woman.

• One month later, on these absolutely stunning deserted islands in the middle of nowhere, the following things have occurred: ·
• One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman.

· The two French men and the French woman are living happily together in a “ménage a'trois.”

· The two German men have a strict weekly schedule of alternating visits with the German woman.

· The two Greek men are sleeping together and the Greek woman is cooking and cleaning for them.

· The two British men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the British woman.

· The two Bulgarian men took one look at the Bulgarian woman and started swimming to another island.

· The two Japanese men are trying to signal Tokyo and are awaiting instructions.

· The two Chinese men have set up a pharmacy, liquor store, restaurant, and laundry, and have gotten the woman pregnant in order to supply more employees for their stores.

· The two Irish men divided the island into north and south and set up a distillery. They do not remember if sex is in the picture because it gets somewhat foggy after a few pints of coconut whiskey. However, they are satisfied because the British are not having any fun.

· The two American men are contemplating suicide, because the American woman will not shut up and complains relentlessly about her body, the true nature of feminism, what the sun is doing to her skin, how she can do anything they can do, the necessity of fulfillment, the equal division of household chores, how sand and palm trees make her look fat, how her last boyfriend respected her opinion and treated her nicer than they do, and how her relationship with her mother is the root cause of all her problem, and why didn't they bring a damn cell phone so they could call 911 and get them all rescued off this forsaken deserted island in the middle of freaking nowhere so she can get her nails done and go shopping. And what's more ....... and more ..... and more ..... and more ... and .......

 

https://www.news.com.au/lifestyle/r...l/news-story/f3c08b81c7763f8780f2112e17ca0acc

LOL

 

Saw a shop that claimed 'We make ANY sandwich in the world' So I went in and asked for an elephant's tongue sandwich. They said "Sorry, we can't do that sir" "Why not?" I said, smugly They said "We've ran out of bread".

 

I phoned my local weight watchers asking if they could send someone round.
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“Off course” they said, “We’ve got lots of them.”

 

Hitler was so misunderstood. He never said "gas the Jews" only that he wanted a glass of juice!
(BTW, this joke was told to me by a very UN PC black women) !

 

“Pretty Woman” is such a great and funny Romantic Comedy. I was glad to hear they're making a prequel about what Vivianne did before she met Richard Gere. You know - When she is still getting ****ed up the arse by a fat construction worker. Or sucking off some skinny guy’s dick in some dark alley, while he has a cigarette and gives a ‘thumbs up’ to his friends who are watching from 15 feet away, and saying “Hurry up, Pete. . It’s our turn next!”

Gritty Woman is going to be great

 

Sometimes the real world is more ironic than a comedian ever could be

https://www.euronews.com/2018/10/16/93-year-old-great-grandmother-crowned-miss-holocaust-survivor

 

Customer: 'Coffee please - without cream.'
Waitress: 'Sorry sir but we've run out of cream - would you like it without milk?'

I know, pathetic isn't it! I'll try and do better with next one.

 

Where did Sallyally go after getting lost on a minefield?
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Everywhere

 

Today was a terrible day. My ex got hit by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver

 

My family is like a treasure…
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You need a map and shovel to find them.

 

My grandfather has the heart of a lion
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And a lifetime ban from the zoo.

 

Wives are like grenades.
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Remove the ring and boom, house is gone!

 

Someone told me that you can let out all your anger by writing letters about everyone you hate and then burning them…
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But I was just wondering… should I keep the letters?