Tasteless Humor

THE Home Office will inject a further £150,000 into a probe on Madeleine McCann's disappearance.
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Officers are scrambling for the free holiday.

 

So the creator of Spiderman has croaked Well I'll tell you this for nothing, i didn't need a radioactive spider to bite me as a teenager so I could start flicking a sticky white substance off my wrist.

RIP Stan

 

What do you get if you mix human DNA and whale DNA?
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Kicked out of Seaworld.

 

Girl friend and boy friend are sitting out side on the porch in the freezing cold, making out. The boy stops, shakes his hands and exclaims, "My hands are freezing!" The girl takes the boy's hands and says "Here, put them between my legs to warm them up. The boy looks into the girl's eyes.

"My ears are cold too".

 

Not the first time!

https://nypost.com/2014/06/10/the-dolphin-that-fell-in-love-with-a-human/

Shape of Water has been a very bad influence.

 

A guy met this girl in a bar and asked, "May I buy you a drink?"
"Okay," she said, "but it won't do you any good."
A little later, he asks, "May I buy you another drink?"
"Okay," she said again, "but it won't do you any good."
He invites her up to his apartment and she replies, "Okay, but you know it won't do you any good."
They get to his apartment and he says, "You are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. I want you for my wife."
"Oh, well that's different...." she says. "Send her in!"

 

I like those comedy shorts you see on YouTube sometimes. .
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Or 'dwarves', if you want to be all PC about it.

 

The rise in childhood obesity has been blamed on parents who drive their children to school every day, so that they don't fall prey to paedophiles.
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What utterly ridiculous logic. Who the **** wants to shag fat kids?

 

The positive is, it's hard to kidnap a fat kid.

 

Have you seen this movie? It is the most demented, twisted, nonsensical movie I have ever come across, and that's the good parts!

 

Not yet but was intending to watch it this weekend.

Sounds good to me

 

Doh!

 

I think I will have to post in the tasteless humor forum, from now on - because, it's the only place where people
understand.

I will still post stuff in other forums, just so I can make liberals s**t bricks. I find it amusing when liberals can't figure out how to s**t a brick of their own philosophy.

 

Welcome, here's a joke just for you!

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?" The dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your mother, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people. The nanny, we'll consider her the working class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense." The little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has soiled his diaper. The little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now." The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about." The little boy replies, "Well, while capitalism is screwing the working class, the government is sound asleep, the people are being ignored and the future is in deep ****."

 

Well!

 

When asked if they would have sex with Bill Clinton, 86% of women in D.C. said, "Not again."

 

If you had to choose between a wonderful wife or a wonderful car?
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Would you choose a petrol or a diesel engine ?

 

When someone says, "you are the last person on my list I would want to hurt", there are two things to consider.
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They already have a list, and you are on it.

 

A newlywed couple had only been married for two weeks. The husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out on the town and party with his buddies.
So, he said to his new wife, "Honey, I'll be right back."
"Where are you going, coochy cooh?" asked the wife.
"I'm going to the bar, pretty face. I'm going to have a beer."
The wife said,"You want a beer, my love?" She opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer, brands from 12 different countries.
The husband didn't know what to do, and the only thing that he could think of saying was, "Yes,lolly pop...but at the bar...you know...they have frozen glasses..."
He didn't get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted him by saying, "You want a frozen glass, puppy face?" She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it.
The husband, looking a bit pale, said, "Yes, tootsie roll, but at the bar they have those hors d'oeuvres that are really delicious... I won't be long. I'll be right back. I promise. OK?"
You want hors d'oeuvres, poochi pooh? "She opened the oven and took out 5 dishes of different hors d'oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in blankets, mushroom caps, pork strips, etc.
"But my sweet honey... at the bar... you know... there's swearing, dirty words and all that..."
"You want dirty words, cutie pie?
.."LISTEN UP, D*CKHEAD! DRINK YOUR F**KING BEER IN YOUR GOD D*MN FROZEN MUG AND EAT YOUR MOTHER F**KING SNACKS, BECAUSE YOU ARE MARRIED NOW, YOU SELFISH BASTARD. YOU AREN'T GOING ANYWHERE! GOT IT, A**HOLE?"

........and, they lived happily ever after. Isn't that a sweet story?

 

No, not really. First of all, there isn't a woman left alive today that would do that for their husband (not in America, anyway). Second, I'm going to the bar - you can either come with me, or stay home. Make up your mind.

 

Utterly sublime