Perriquine gave you the perspective of a middle aged man, I can speak more for people my age (mid 20's). I grew up after stonewall riots, and much of the harsher times. Still, as I was growing up, it was always "cool" to make fun of or bully guys by accusing them of being gay (whether they were or not). Sadly, I think it is mostly straight guys who are perceived as not masculine enough that face the brunt of this. We have a certain "advantage" over other historically disparaged classes like blacks and women in that we can hide more easily. For the most part I can go about my day to day business without concern. The things I do are more subtle... I'm careful not to mention my boyfriend to new people I meet unless I'm comfortable with them, I don't do any form of PDA like holding hands or otherwise give any indication that we are anything except "friends" or "roomates" when we are out in public... similar to Perriquine, I often prefer to be at home where I can relax and let my guard down. Generally, I don't think straight people act too much differently in public, there's usually not much PDA, but I think the biggest difference is just in the mindset... I'm always holding my guard up to make sure I don't accidentally slip up and give some indication inadvertently like accidentally calling him something other than a roommate. I can't think of any "close calls" I've had. I'm probably more cautious than I need to be. I grew up with a mostly Mormon family, so I guess I just learned to be very private and cautious. I can't say I feel any more safe or unsafe over time due to any changes in the society around me, but I have become more comfortable over time as I've come out and have supportive friends and family that I didn't have before. I can let my guard down at work because nobody cares, while I was always afraid in school.
It's interesting to hear the testimony you guys are sharing. I can attest that my experiences were/are rather similar. In my case, being in the military under DADT taught me and disciplined me to protect myself both socially and physically, also how to look out for others. We're trained (in my unit) to detect and counter threats on several levels, and throughout my career I've used those tools. I work morally to treat people as I wish to be treated... and the advantage of that is being able to lay down at night feeling good about myself. I've dealt with several hateful intransigent jerks in my life... very few of which were not also anti-homosexual. For some guys, their OWN insecurities or unwillingness to accept that they are gay themselves, makes them feel/act like a cornered animal. That is, there are a LOT of men on the down-low who DO NOT accept even themselves; those people (in my view) are the most dangerous people to gays out here. I'd much rather deal with a STRAIGHT person who is secure in their sexuality, than a GAY person who is not. And certainly, not all straight people are anti-homosexual; still, many pretending to be "straight" but have not accepted themselves, will do certain things out of desperation to 'COVER' themselves... even hurt other gays. I'm a Black man and I'm gay... so (sad to say) I've always learned to watch my back in this society (from politics to various types of social interactions). The truth (for me) is that there are those who DO want to hurt you for 'whatever'. I'm not paranoid, but I am deliberately cautious in general. I treat others nicely, but I am always ready to defend myself to the necessary degree. I would love to 'trust' people more, but I must admit that I check people out over an extended period of time, before I ever trust them implicitly. Sad to say, I think that is reasonable today and likely always has been.
Not really an option for us. We have elderly family members to look after, and I'd much rather live in a remote area with a low population density than in a city. Being in a suburban neighborhood this close to Detroit (around 30 miles) is a compromise that I've decided is acceptable, for now. I don't see myself moving to a major city, ever.
wow, how awful to have live that way. so this internet is nothing compared to real life. not sure what to say but thank you for the replies.
Having a different opinion than me does not necessarily offend me. Words should not offend you at all. If they do, it is a flaw you should attempt to correct. You make yourself vulnerable to name calling. Everyone would be happier with a thicker skin. I can and have. If it gives them a thicker skin, then yes. They would benefit.
(^^ I didn't know you were a gay person, Sadistic Savior. I have a couple more questions here to ask gay persons. Feel free to chime in.) I've never thought body building guys were attractive. I've never met any women who do, although I'm sure they exist. I always thought that was about impressing other guys which includes gay men. Same kind of thing with male strippers..revealing clothes, shaven chest, highly manicured appearance seems to be more often sexy to gay men than to women. That altered and advertising look for women gets attention from heterosexual men, also. (A common guy sexuality thing, perhaps.) I know its kind of a stereotype, which is why I'm mentioning it. I am wondering if any of you think there is truth to it. I also noticed how heterosexual men will support being promiscuous between each other as 'the manly way' but when homosexual guys are like that its another sign that something is wrong with them. Maybe homophobic men, if not fighting being gay, would not be so hostile to gay men if they didnt believe they were threatened by being thought of by men the way they do about women. It's not so much about arousal as what that means. They're fighting what they think is the potential of being thought of as 'the lesser person' like they think of women about and during sex. These guys will also say that their feelings about sex have symbolic significance with 'placement' for both sexes in society. Accepting homosexuals for these guys is another way of having to accept that they don't have any reason to think they have rights taking advantages in sex and then society (which includes marriage) over women just for being male so they feel threatened by it. Two of the same sex in marriage creates symbolic image of equality Just a thought. ~ also a friend of mine's brother is gay. Before he came out back in the 80', he was kind of a scary guy. (bad temper) His family had some difficulty with it all mainly his father. I didn't see him for awhile (about a year) but when I did, I learned of his sense of humor and what a sweet person he is. I'm not sure if its all connected but there was quite a change. My question is if any of you noticed changes in yourself like that after letting people know that you were gay.
Me neither. This doesn't appeal to me either. Gay men don't have uniform tastes. I suspect women don't, either. I haven't, but others have indicated that they perceive me as happier. I will say this, though: Having to maintain silence about my orientation with my family made it really easy to cut them out of most of my life over time, without them necessarily understanding why. A person's 'significant other' is a big part of their life. When one has to pretend that a life partner doesn't exist, that can mean not talking about any shared activities too - like a trip taken together. Can you imagine trying to explain to your family why you're moving halfway across the country when the reason is that this supposedly non-existent but very important person in your life got a job transfer, meaning more income? Or having to come up with an excuse for missing your grandmother's birthday because this supposedly non-existent person was in the hospital? The point is, after a while of having to avoid talking about someone who isn't supposed to exist, it's easier to just stop talking completely to the people one is trying to hide it from. It's an incentive to move far away from family, so they can't easily drop by unannounced for a visit. The price of hiding is just to high, so there can come a point where it's either "come out", or cut off the people you assume will be unaccepting.
