Does anybody here have any experience with BPD or know a person with it? A professional therapist says my coworker is showing signs of it, and my coworker’s behavior makes me nervous and concerned at times. I am not scared of my coworker or anything like that, but their behavior is odd and lacks boundaries. Right now I am just interested in hearing other people’s experiences and how to best coexist.
When I was in my late teens, we had a coworker lose his poo in a later diagnosed BPD meltdown. Fortunately I was not at work that day as apparently my family played a big role as persecutors in his paranoid delusions (we had grown up in the same neighborhood and he was friends with my oldest brothers). He was probably more suicidal than homicidal based on the collective versions I heard and just my own knowledge leading up to it of his marriage & life in general starting to spin out of control. The police disappeared him to the hospital psych ward and he was there for months. He was medicated to being barely functional for about a year and is still medicated as far as I know though he is closer to being a sedated version his old self again last time I saw him. I left that job at the end of the summer to go back to college and have only seen him in 5 to 10 minute quick encounters since then.
That’s awful. It sounds like he had a serious mental breakdown. This person is a middle aged woman. I have seen her lose her temper and yell at people, and later acted like it was all somebody else’s fault. I think she sees it as the other person pressed her buttons and disrespected her, so she’s not entirely responsible for her behavior. I am not comfortable with that. Basically I have distanced myself from her at work. I try to avoid her, but if I bump into her, I engage in small talk. Now this is the strange part to me. She can display anger and be rude to people, and the next thing you know, she says she wants to be your friend. She tries really hard to find ways to get your attention and keeps using the word “friend.” I have never used that word with her. I don’t consider her my friend and I have no interest in being her friend. It’s a little creepy IMO. These boundaries are serious issues she doesn’t understand. With her rude manipulative behavior and everything else, she is more likely to upset people and push them away than make an actual work friend, and she doesn’t realize that.
My general impression is that people with mental issues tend to have a cluster of them meaning she may have disorders other than just the BPD. Sounds like she may be narcissistic as well. Other than find another job, sounds like you are doing about the only thing you can do.
I was a psychiatric case worker on an Emergency Psychiatric Hospital as well as in the Juvenile Justice System for about 10 years and have some experience in dealing with people who are emotionally disturbed but without knowing which behaviors exhibited by your co-worker make you nervous, it's a little difficult to assess the best way to deal with your co-worker. Could you be a little more specific as to what behaviors are "odd and lacks boundaries" since all of us have our little quirks and boundaries vary from culture to culture? I think that it speaks well of your employer that he/she would hire someone with an emotional disability and it's good of you to make the effort to accomodate someone who is struggling with this disorder.
@Winter Sun My wife went through this with a fellow employee some years ago. People like this try to draw you in to friendship, but use that friendship to sow dissension in the office. My wife is a friendly, chatty sort of person, and was somewhat naive years ago, and didn’t see it coming at first. When she realized how manipulative and toxic this woman was, she tried to disengage from her, and it turned into a stressful mess. My advice to you is to be polite and professional with her, but avoid the trappings of friendship - like sitting with her on breaks, chatting about family and personal life, and so forth. Never engage this woman with office gossip. That is a trap. Some companies have very aggressive policies about office behavior and others can be very wishy washy. If you notice behavior that is bad for the office, confidentially tell your management. But I would definitely not talk about her with other employees, even if they agree with you or even if they start it. Just be polite and professional, avoid the traps, and inform management as necessary. My two cents ...
Thanks. I am committed to minimum but polite interaction. If you don’t mind me asking, what actually happened at your wife’s office? It seems like a good piece of advice. Thank you for that. I think I should maintain distance and definitely not get drawn in for sake of trying to make her happy through her strange demands. She keeps saying she wants to be friends, but that in itself is odd, don’t you think? Friendships are not forced or groomed. We have relationships based on trusting people, and friendship grows organically. I could see this person being further manipulative and demanding of my time and attention in a friendship. As I said, I have already seen her get confrontational and yell at other people. She also likes getting pushy and telling other people what to do, trying to fix them, because she thinks it’s for your own good. Did the person at you wife’s office cause a ton of trouble?
Yes, she did cause a ton of trouble. Management was slow to react, and the problem festered longer than it should have, but they finally fired her. I agree with you that friendships develop organically, not forced. There is nothing wrong with developing mutually uplifting friendships at work, but yes, it is odd to push people into friendships. Inappropriately calling people their friend is a form of manipulation, and it is unhealthy. Your management would be smart to consistently document the unacceptable behavior - like becoming confrontational, yelling, and trying to “fix” people. They should call her in and explain it to her. They need to be clear as to the expectations and the potential consequences of not meeting those expectations. Management must understand that if an employee is creating a hostile work environment, and they don’t do anything about it, then they are actually responsible for the hostile work environment by allowing it. It sounds like you are doing the right things by keeping this person at arms length. Do not allow this person to suck you in to any drama, taking sides, gossiping about other employees or managers, or conversations about personal matters. Polite and professional should be your watch words when interacting with this person. And don’t talk about her to anyone but management. Inevitably, if you talk about her in the lunchroom with other employees, that will get back to her, and then YOU become a part of the drama. And I know you don’t want that. I hope this helps. Seth
