My Second Life and other Secrets

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Not just romantic love but virtual love at first sight. That was four and a half years ago, I am still madly in love with her, always will be, and it was the single most powerful, all-consuming, magical and amazing, and rewarding experience of my life. Trust me. Nobody invented this. I've been in love before, I've had my share of crushes, I was engaged twice and married for 25 years, and I didn't believe it possible what happened to me. I wouldn't trade that experience for the rest of my life combined.

Even now, 18 months after she left, I have tears streaming down my face just thinking about it. I can love again but I will never get over her.

 

There will be others. Just stay in the moment brother and enjoy every second. Few men can know what men of our generation have went through. Right now our predicament is killing millions of men. Driving them slowly insane. Yet to the casual eye one may think you or I had suddenly gone mad. ! People around me can tell I'm different but apart from the whole looking a bit better thing they can't quite put their finger on it. What they don't get is that I'm a better man now. Husband. Friend. Father than I ever was when my one objective was to keep the peace and please my wife.

 

It is what every other person does--stay married until the youngest kid is settled in at college and then call the lawyer.

 

Somehow, that doesn't sound like the institution we are supposed to train our children is the basis of society and the reason we are expected to accept all the censorship and morality laws whose complicated morass pervades American culture

 

It is cheaper to stay married than get a divorce, especially when kids are involved. And quite frankly, hanging onto a wife for 20 years so she can draw off your social security is a decent gift for your children down the road who will otherwise be supporting her and scraping by so mom can afford her pills. As for how you train your children, teach them to worship trees for all it matters. Once they get out on their own, they will do whatever they really want to do anyways.

 

Indeed! And not all go slowly. 2/3 of all deaths from guns in the US are suicides. Guess which group is killing themselves the fastest? Us. And 4-10 times more frequently than women. People get on their bandwagon about gun deaths. But when it comes out that much of those are middle-age men killing themselves, no one cares. Which of course gets to the heart of the matter. I told my ex wife about my attempted suicide six months later. She has never once expressed the slightest bit of concern or even asked about it. But she couldn't understand why I wanted to leave... She did ask about the cats.

I can relate. For me it required total reckless abandon. Suddenly I was living a life completely alien to me. I had no idea what I was doing. But I wanted to get up the next day. And for the first time since I could remember, I started to feel happy. That was a vast improvement.

About six beautiful women later, I met the woman of my dreams. In a moment my world was turned upside down I would never be the same. It was the most powerful experience I've ever had. In a moment, I lost control of my life. It was THAT fast. The most amazing thing!!!

 

It's what our right hands are for - or index fingers, whichever the case might be!

 

A fantastic read!

 

18 months?

Damn dude....

Honestly breaking up with chicks I loved was the best thing - yeah it hurt at first but being friends is so much better than being in a monogamous relationship..


I mean I was with this chick for a year and I have been friends with her for the last 10 after the breakup and it's so long ago that it's difficault to even think about our romantic relationship....

Hey, it's life - we're going to get hurt - some are more sensitive than others but it's still life and we move on....

 

Lol. Coping without sex by masterbation and porn eh? That's actually extremely damaging behaviour.

If you're a man you should stop immediately and chase women instead. That goes for women too. But of course it's different for women.

 

Yes. She had been using you for a long long time. As many marriage committed women do. It's in her biological interest to have you around. Like a lodger or an intelligent pet. You yourself. Your mental and spiritual development is of no concern to her.

In my experience of health care. The greater damage to men is not suicide by gun but that of alcoholism and IV drug use. These men are so deep into denying who they really are that they end up making a psuedo virtue of their depression and self destruction. It becomes a definition of who they are.

I suggested once to a brain addled man of our age on his last chance in this life that he reconsider his drinking ways; and instead pursue sex instead as the fundamental driver of his life that had been drowning in drink.

He looked at me like I was speaking in Chinese and said no more. I think he was confused and terrified by my suggestion.

He had been taught from twenty-five to thirty years ago that he must deny who he his and what he wants. That he was not enough and that such open expression was shameful. Embarrassing and demeaning.

That women were to be treated with a new respect that they had hitherto not been treated with. That expression of desire and pursuit of them was oppression on them. And that one should instead wait for some opportunity to arise of some woman's own choosing when everyone was drunk enough to forget themselves.

Indeed sexual self denial and drink was conveniently safer and more manly - because if a man wants sex and doesn't get it that is shameful (because a real man gets what he wants) and points to the inadequacy of the so called man.

Thus do men (and in some way women also, but by a different route) inoculate themselves from themselves and thus in the end destroy themselves over and over again.

Indeed. Your marriage sounds like a hell. I'd be interested to hear more of that. Have you met any more women since that lovely more recent one who rocked your world?

 

True story- A few years ago a big daily paper asked readers to write in for an article they were doing about very short marriages, and one guy wrote- "I met a nice lady and after a whirlwind romance we decided to get married even though I knew she had a drink problem.
On the first evening at our honeymoon hotel as we sat on the balcony sipping wine, she suddenly blurted out "Why do you hate my mother?"
I tried explaining to her that I'd never even met her mother and had never mentioned her at any time, but my new bride became more and more irate, snapping back at me with "Admit it, you never liked her!" and "What has mum ever done to you?" etc
After 20 minutes of this I slipped quietly into our room, packed my bags and booked myself into another hotel, and next day I flew home alone and began divorce proceedings".

 

At one point before I left, I mentioned to my ex a study that attempted to determine the effects of porn on young men. They couldn't do the study because virtually 100% of young men use porn. There was no control group. My ex scowled in disgust and concluded "Well then all men are just perverts". ALL men are perverts. That kept ringing in my head. This from the woman who started cutting me off on our wedding night. I started to understand that she had been using guilt and shame as a means of control. She didn't have a sex drive. She pretended until we got married. So she started making up excuses and acting like the desire for sex made me a bad guy. Being ex Catholic I was glad to assume the guilt and shame of being human. She wouldn't even let me masturbate in peace. No sex for months, then years, so I would stay on the couch and take care of myself. She would wait to go to sleep, apparently listen very carefully, and then sneak up on me and try to shame me. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!?!

I started to see it in TV shows and pop culture. Take for example The Golden Girls. I used to like that show. Then it hit me: Almost all of the men were portrayed as creeps, idiots, and losers. Once you see it you can't miss it. "Everybody loves Raymond" was another show I once liked until I realized that I was Raymond - a man with an abusive wife who takes every opportunity to degrade him. Suddenly it wasn't funny anymore. More and more I looked around and saw how men have been brainwashed into submission. We are mostly raised by women who have a huge influence on our perspective and self worth, so many of us never really have a chance. I started to remember how my mother treated my father [he was treated like Raymond], with constant barbs and jabs that made him seem like an idiot. There was no doubt that mom considered herself superior to dad. And I began to see that a lot of women really believe they are superior to men. Just read any number of threads in a relationship forum. The female superiority complex shines like the sun. But most of all I saw that men are demeaned and degraded for who we are.

Religion, Victorian Morality, and feminism have conspired to reduce men to slaves who are supposed to work ourselves to death and never worry about our own happiness. Just be sure you have good life insurance policy when you kick off early so the wife and kids are fine. Nowhere did I see that men matter. Even worse, most men don't see it. We go on our miserable way thinking our job in life is to sacrifice, suffer, and die. Anything less isn't manly. If we break out of our cage, if we try to find some happiness, we are cheaters, or womanizers, or perverts. If we act as nature intended - as sexual beings - we are judged. Finally I said ENOUGH!!! I reject it all. And for the first time in my life I felt free to pursue sex without any sense of guilt. So the first thing I did was get a high-end escort; in fact, I got two. And I didn't feel the slightest twinge of guilt. But I sure had a blast!

I have never met anyone like my first love - the one I saw for three years. I don't expect I ever will given that it took almost fifty years to find the first one. I have met a number of women who seemed promising but for one reason or another, the magic wasn't there. The one I am seeing now rocks my world more than anyone since number one. She is young and beautiful and kinky and fun, and we have that special chemistry. But not like number one. I don't even hope to find that again. I sincerely believe that was a once-in-a-lifetime experience. I feel lucky to have known a love like that once, if only for a few years.

But my dating life has been the stuff of legends. LOL!!! All young and hot. I've dated women all over the map, ranging from a ballerina, to a porn star. What a ride!!!

 

This description is so very much like my marriage. Not only withholding sex but refusing to talk about it. In fact they'll talk and talk and talk all day about themselves and other people but when it's something like this the subject is off. Apparently ive got to listen to her more. Do more chores etc etc. Then maybe.

But I've come to realise that this was all occurring before family life. That this is about control. I was the thirty year old beta male looking for sex love and companionship. She was the thirty year old woman who'd had her fun with numerous numerous guys and now wanted kids.

But that's over now. Slavery ends where education begins. And thanks to you and guys like you out there you've confirmed what I've been coming to all along.

 

I should note there's a guy called spetznaz on YouTube that speaks eloquentlyn on this stuff.

This stuff I believe is some of the more important aspects of modern human life. But just for laughs; what did she think of you masterbating? Lol mine thinks it's terrible. But wouldn't stop me in case I then demand something more from her.

 

It's like one is being driving a 1950's Oldsmobile for 25 years, and then here comes the millennial Ford Mustang with it's eco boosted 310HP engine, maintenance free and so fun to drive very exhilarating.
But I'm fortunate I made mine modified, it can do short burst drag racing and can also do an endurance race at Le mans.
I modified it because I love this car.

 

People do and say weird stuff all the time - I'm never at a loss for craziness - just turn on the TV or open the paper. Oh yeah you did.

 

Maybe you drew the worst out of her, by craving more sex than was good for her to give.

I daresay using up her prime childbearing years isn't exactly fair either.

Maybe you'll get lucky, kick the bucket during the biggest O you ever had, and never have to find out "so what"... at least in this life.

For some people, murder is a religious experience.

a fool's paradise.

Thank god for the blue pill, eh?

But you're not done with exploitation, evidently.

Yes, your love for women is as a child's love for ice cream: its value lies entirely in its capacity to provide pleasant sensations, and what happens to it after that is of no concern.

 

It works for me....

Perhaps "no strings attached" was a bit too loose..... What I mean is no expectations of monogamy or the boyfriend/girlfrind stuff.

Sex is one thing but relationships are something totally different......

I screw my female friends and for right now I like it.....

 

And what else matters, right?

 

I think she was offended by my need for sex, even it was just self sex. Looking back now, I should have told her to grab hold or go away. It wouldn't even phase me now. It is hard to imagine that I was so freaking repressed that I was actually embarrassed.

Masturbation is terrible? Sounds familiar... like men wanting sex is terrible. Remember, all men are perverts.

And yes, it was really all about control... and a total betrayal. When I left and she was accusing me of being a horrible husband [which of course is why she wanted me to stay ] I asked her how many men she thinks would have gone ten years without sex and never cheat. "I went ten years without sex too!" she objected. WTF?!?! She was the one who never wanted sex. The manipulation and mind games were mind boggling. It was like being married to a con artist. In fact, I was. And entire generations [of men] were fed a shell game where we always lose.

 

Why the hell should I honestly care about others sex lives?

Yes, it works for me and that is literally all that matters. I'm just throwing the idea out there because it makes me happy, so I would assume others would feel the same if they tried it.

 

When their sex lives are part of your sex life, I daresay the question answers itself.

 

And it is consensual. Don't you think women have a right to consensual sex? Now please quit trolling and go play somewhere.

 

What are you talking about man...... These chicks are on the same page, if they weren't why the hell would they call me up to screw?

If it really matters I do realize if I'm not careful er even them my relationships with them could eventually turn into something I'm really trying to avoid right now but that's why there are rules - nothing I have ever laid out but silent rules with me...