A common situation that keeps cropping up is that of people falling in love with people whose families are hostile to theirs. One semi-solution to this has been found in Romeo and Juliet. I regard Romeo and Juliet to not just be a play about romantic love, but rather a metaphor for Europe’s transformation from feudalism to civilization. Through the lovers’ sacrifice the families realize the pointlessness of their feud and come together to work on building a civilization. This happened during Renaissance; and the result has been a continent turning from one of the worst places in the world to the lasting centrepiece of a great civilization – a great civilization that continues to dominate the world to this day. Another semi-solution has been found in Huckleberry Finn. The feuding families kill one another off, while the lovers swim the river to build a life for themselves. This thinking has been a major influence in American art and American thought, and it continues to influence many people around the world to this day. The problem with the first arrangement is that the lovers get sacrificed. The problem with the second arrangement – besides the families killing each other off – is that it results in rootlessness, in which the partners are disconnected from the people from whom they have come. When there are problems in the relationship, there is nobody to support them. Often the love turns bad, and people have nowhere to turn to. Meanwhile the parents lose touch with the children whom they have raised. So we see many very unhappy people. I propose a better solution than either of the above. I propose a solution that benefits both the lovers and their families. The solution that I propose is for partners to get together and bring their families together, so that both the love and the family can persist. I have seen this done successfully – for example by my former wife and her new husband. But also from her example I have seen a situation in which her former boyfriend’s mother poisoned him against her and brought her to treat her like dirt, however hard she was working on the relationship and however much she was doing for him, which was a great deal. Sometimes families’ influence can get poisonous. Sometimes also the lover’s influence can be poisonous against the family, as when a partner convinces the other partner that their family are trash. However when this works, this works wonders. And it does not only work wonders for the lovers. It works wonders for the civilization. It creates genuine, lasting peace in which both family love and romantic love can triumph. And this, I regard as the full solution. I expect such situations to keep cropping up. I do not expect human nature to change, and I do not expect people to cease having either family relationships or romantic attractions. So this is the solution that I propose. Let lovers get together and bring their families together. Allow both family love and romantic love to triumph. And, by doing this on a large scale, do much to help create real peace. The 1960s ideal of peace and love has been largely discredited. But here is a practical way in which this ideal can actually be achieved. Allow romantic love to persist, while also maintaining family relationships. Bring families together so that they can coexist peacefully. Allow both romantic love and family values. And thus create a wholesome and beautiful life. I am not saying that this would be easy. I have listed some of the possible problems. However it is a valid thing to strive for. And I hope that many people around the world take this path.
I think we need arranged marriages without no-fault divorce and that limited to physical abuse, and make adultery a felony, and let the parents pick the spouses whether they are a straight or homosexual person. The love part can work itself out after some babies are cranked out.
What if the parent does not like the child and gets her a bad spouse? I've seen this happen to a woman I knew from India.
That would never be legal or work in America. I doubt it could work except in Countries where such already exists. You could never force such on any people.
" Another semi-solution has been found in Huckleberry Finn. The feuding families kill one another off, while the lovers swim the river to build a life for themselves." Did you perhaps mix up two stories ? Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn were life long freinds, Tom Sawyer was middle class, ten years old, Huck as he was called, was an Orphan living on the streets and did not go to school.
Most of the arranged marriages I've known were pretty good. Some were really great. Some were a bit iffy, but not a disaster. Only one ended in divorce .. but the interesting thing about that one is that she had a crush on the guy (without actually knowing much about him), and asked her parents to arrange it. Meantime, I'm not sure I agree with the approach entirely, but I do agree that choosing a life partner purely on 'romance' (aka, hormones and the heat of the moment) is a very bad idea. And yes, I think responsible and involved parents can and do make good choices. They don't select partners for their children based on looks or 'personality', they select for character. Character, of course, is most easily read via family background, education, stability, etc. Obviously, responsible parents are never going to choose the drinker, the smoker, the unemployed, the lazy, the unstable, the uneducated, or the product of a dysfunctional home. Who would? So yes, parents are a much safer bet than a hormonal 19 year old who cares nothing for the long term.
They would be the anomaly. And in such cases, the adult child should have enough sense to recognise that their parent/s are mentally ill (or whatever) and refuse to participate.
