My daughter asked me about that. There were a lot of things so I told her the most gratifying - which was still pretty funny. About a thousand years ago, I was approached by one of the biggest recruiting firms in the country to start and develop a legal division for them, nationwide. I had my own firm and wasn't a big fan of big Corporate America but they made lots of lovely promises about how I could do things my way, how they had never laid people off etc... and kept sweetening the pie until I said Okey Dokey. We broke all kinds of records and were having a great time when the Dot Bombs and then 9/11 etc... hit. So the Exec V.P. contacted the head of the IT Division and said he wanted to meet with her - over 50 miles from her office. They had lunch and then he told her she had to fire 40% of her staff and take a cut / demotion. She quit & he replaced her with a junior person who was less expensive - which was obviously his intent all along. Then he did this with the head of the Health Care division. Same thing with the Accounting division. Then he called me and told me he wanted me to drive from San Diego to L.A. (His office and where he lived) and meet at 4pm on a Friday. I told him No Can Do. Says in my contract, I never have to risk being late to pick up my daughter from daycare. He was pissed. So I offered to meet him in Southern Orange Country / Northern San Diego - about 30 miles from my office and maybe 70 or 80 from his. He knew I'd never make it to daycare on time but he didn't care because he was going to force me to quit anyway. At 4:30pm on that FRIDAY, he calls me, wondering why I'm late. I pick up the phone say hello a couple times and then hang up. He calls back again. I yell "If you can hear me, bad cell reception - try me in about 15 mintues should be clear!" and hang up again. He calls me at 5 and this is the conversation: "Fred it's Greg." "Oh Greg! Oh hell that's right! We were going to do something today, weren't we?" (VERY Irritated) "Fred where the hell ARE you?!?!" (Irritatingly cheerful voice) "I'm golfing Greg (which I really am) but you'll be glad to know it's with a couple of clients I've had for years. I'm trying to convince them that things will be the same if they come over to Big Corporate America with me! Hold on just a sec, it's my turn." (I set phone down next to my golf ball so he can hear me hit it. Then hold phone up so he can hear my friends say "Nice shot!") (Greg's yelling now) "Fred, this meeting was MANDATORY. I made that clear. I had you repeat it back to me. Now I'm almost a hundred miles from home at rush hour on a Friday and you're telling me you're GOLFING?!?!" (Even more irritatingly cheerful) "Greg, I'm not just golfing, I'm two below par! Oh (*)(*)(*)(*), hold on a sec, I've got a tricky putt here." "Wait Fred! Don't set the phone down. (starts yelling) Fred! Fred! Fred!" (I pick up phone and cut him off in stern voice) "Greg I don't know if you're aware of it but you really need to be quiet when I'm taking my shots. Tell you what, we'll be at the 9th hole in about 10 minutes. I'll call you then." Then I hang up. Phone rings and I pick it up and say "I SAID I'D CALL YOU BACK IN A FEW MINUTES!" and hang up again and turn off my phone. My friends and I are laughing our asses off at this point. We hit the 9th hole and I call Greg. "Hello" "Yeah Greg, about your little meeting, I'm probably not gonna make it. I mean, if I had come all the way.." (Cuts me off) "****** it. We had a mandatory meeting and now I'm at the Hungry Hunter in Escondido at 5:15. Now you look here, you.." (My turn to cut him off) "Shut the (*)(*)(*)(*) up you fat (*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)!" (Shocked silence) "Good. Now, call the San Diego office. Tell Phil to go into my office and read the note I left there. It will explain everything." Then I hang up and turn my phone off. From what I gather, Greg was about to burst and called Phil at the San Diego office before he left the restaurant. Phil wasn't sure what to do (young guy) so when Greg told him to read the note, he did exactly as instructed. It read: Greg: I heard about what you did to Anthony, Susan and Julie.(the other bosses who were fired) I don't know if it's a power trip or if you're just a sadistic sonofa(*)(*)(*)(*)(*) who gets off on making people drive 50 to 100 miles to get fired but I'm not playing. Well, I'm not playing that game but as you know by now, I AM playing golf. Phil will verify my desk is empty the keys are in my top drawer. I've been talking with all the clients I brought with me when i came on board and guess what? They're leaving with me too. Enjoy your ride home and just know that you can kiss my ass you fat (*)(*)(*)(*). Hugs & Kisses, Fred I made sure a few of my clients would continue working with Phil until I hired him away from that company a few months later. My nephew was also working for them in the IT department. They said the story of me leaving Greg hanging with a three hour ride home was all over the company within days. It WAS pretty fun and funny! So what was your funniest or funnest work thing?
a microwave with a reverse switch so we could use it as a refrigerator. They may still be looking for one for all I know. Also. in the days before word processing, I once ordered a spray can of white-out.
That reminds me, I was sitting in the break room feeling a bit ornery, and some girl walks in and sticks some food wrapped in saran wrap in the microwave. After it was done as I was talking to her, I paused and told her not to worry about the "hydrocarbons" (something I made up at the spur of the moment) from the saran wrap being absorbed into the food cause she did not have it in nearly long enough for their to be a concern. She turned slightly pale and then set it aside and walked off and never came back to eat it. I still get a giggle when I think about it even though I should probably have been beaten for doing that to the poor girl.
Used to work at a golf course in college. So many funny stories after the bosses would leave for the night. I'll have to think of some. We used to find full beers that people would leave in the carts... and we would start drinking those.
So this took place back when I was in first grade, so the memories aren't that good, but I have most of it. I was sick, I felt fine in the morning. I had a bad lunch, of chips, school food, and juice. Math class came along. I got the feeling I was going to throw up. I ask to go to the nurse's office. Spend about 20 minutes there. Go back to class. Stay for 40 minutes, back to the nurse. Go back, and then we have a pop quiz. By now, I know I'm going to throw up, and once I finish that quiz, I stick close to the bathroom. But one of my old first grade friends invites me to talk to him on the other side of the room. Farthest side from the bathroom. Start to talk, and then the real feelin you're going to throw up comes. So I run to the other side of the room. And get about halfway there. I throw up. I was between the teacher's desk (Protected by file cabinets) and between student desks. I get it all on this girl as well. (I don't think she's forgiven me still) So I get rushed down to the Nurse's office, and get picked up with 20 minutes left in school. The next day I go in, and the teacher looks at me and says "Kranes, thank you for missing my desk." The girl, doesn't talk to me until 4th grade. There she was mean to me.
I threw up at work once. We carpooled so I had to resume work after a 20-minute break. I needed seven more trips to the bathroom that night, but I got my job done. I threw up at church once too. We were holding hands in a circle and the poor lady to my right...
I ate a huge bean, egg & cheese burrito just before going to a new church once. I sat next to very nice family on one side and a couple on the other. The son got the giggles after about the fourth or fifth (silent, thank God!) fart. The wife of the couple kept squinching her nose but I give them credit, no one got up and moved.
