TOP TEN GUIDELINES WHEN DEALING WITH US LAW ENFORCEMENT 1. Do not walk directly toward the LEO. 2. Do not stare to LEO directly in his/her eyes. 3. Do not make loud noises near the LEO. 4. Do not holler at the LEO, and do not taunt him/her. 5. Avoid strong or pungent scents in the vicinity of the LEO. 6. Do not offer the LEO food. 7. Do not try to pet or play with the LEO. 8. Do not take the LEO home with you (unless you are his/her wife, friend, relative, etc.) 9. Back up and walk away slowly when you find yourself unnaturally close to the LEO. And the number 10 guideline when dealing with LEOs. 10. Do not commit crime in the vicinity of the LEO or it may lead to your death. In other words, treat US Law Enforcement Officer as you would a wild animal.
TOP TEN TAXES TO EXPECT IN THE US 2015 10. Forgot to say "We love you President Hillary" - Tax! 9. Not using credit cards - Tax! 8. Not old enough to drive but will some day - Tax! 7. Not using toll road but will some day - Tax! 6. Not committing a crime but will some day - Tax! 5. Letting hair grow too long but will cut it some day - Tax! 4. Wearing clothes for long time and will buy more some day - Tax! 3. Not shopping enough drives up everyone's prices - Tax! 2. Not driving enough hurts auto repair - Tax! And the number 1 new tax to expect in the US 2015..... 1. Born, breathing, eating, walking, thinking - Tax, Tax, Tax, Tax, Tax!!!
American women left baby on the roof of her car and drove away. TOP TEN CRIMES THIS WOMEN WILL BE CHARGED WITH 10. Failure to adequately secure the child to the car. 9. Child flying without a license. 8. Using the Earth's gravity as a deadly weapon. 7. Driving while intoxicated. 6. Child abandonment. 5. Bringing a child within 50 feet of a place where criminal activity is common-place. 4. Littering. 3. Leaving the scene of a crime. 2. Music piracy. And the number 1 charge the US attorney will apply to the mother... 1. Insulting the Prophet Mohammed.
TOP 10 REASONS WHY US MILLIONAIRES WILL NOT BE GETTING THEIR YACHT THIS YEAR Get ready... 10. They are waiting for the 2014 model. 9. There is a shortage of child labour in China (due to the "one child" policy). 8. Rain forest protesters are blocking rare tree shipments. 7. Americans forgot how to manufacture yachts. 6. Millionaires cannot afford high yacht prices due to inflation. 5. Their previous yacht cheaply fell apart and the Millionaire has grown distasteful of yachting. 4. The previous yacht blew up in a fiery explosion and they are now afraid of yachting. 3. The previous yacht was confiscated in a legal action and they are now banned from yachting. 2. Junior wrecked the yacht attempting to sail it in the swimming pool. And the number 1 reason why rich people will not be getting their yachts this year... 1. It is hard to ruin the country from a yacht.
Top 10 Edits to the US Constitution. 1. Freedom of Speech ... If you are in the right place and time. 2. Private Property ... If the state doesn't want it. 3. For the people ... Who are corporations. 4. Representative Government ... Of the rich people. 5. Petition government for a redress of grievances ... By authorized permit. 6. Right to a fair trial ... If there is a trial. 7. Treated fairly by police ... Or approved military figure. 8. Proven inventor wins patent ... Provided he is first to file patent. 9. Fair election ... Decided by an elite secret team of electors. and the number 10 best edit to the US Constitution 10. Redefinition of the word "People" as "Corporation". NOTE: Some of these things are not covered by the constitution. Who cares.
TOP 10 THINGS HILLARY CLINTON FINDS BRAZEN AND UNACCEPTABLE 10. Roast Chicken ... "Too brazen, unacceptable!" 9. Statue of herself ... "Too brazen, unacceptable!" 8. Daughter's choice of clothing ... "Two brazen, unacceptable!" 7. Man's behaviour in movie ... "Two brazen, unacceptable!" 6. Dog kisses ... "Too brazen, unacceptable!" 5. Trumpet salute ... "Too brazen, unacceptable!" 4. Staff blocks her whippings ... "Too brazen, unacceptable!" 3. Another man's ring ... "Too brazen, unacceptable!" 2. Bill's changes TV channel ... "Too brazen, unacceptable!" And the number 1 thing Hillary Clinton finds brazen and unacceptable. 1. Syria / Turkey relations ... "Too brazen, unacceptable!"
TOP TEN US-STYLE SOLUTIONS TO TRAGIC US PROBLEMS 10. Solve the illicit weapon imports surplus statistic by increasing illicit weapons exports. 9. Solve the rampant obesity pandemic by a new pill that somehow makes the body attack fat. 8. Solve the "No Child Left Behind" problem by redefining the word "behind" as "forward". 7. Solve the Great Healthcare Insurance Ponzi Scheme by requiring everyone to become a member. 6. Solve the Draught in California by causing a Draught in Mexico. 5. Defy Osama Bin Laden's claim to world's greatest terrorist by becoming the world's greatest terrorist. 4. Solve the problem of rampant Socialism in South America by creating an example of the effects of rampant Socialism in North America. 3. Solve the problem of Terrorists' children becoming future terrorists by killing the children along with the terrorists. 2. Plant a tree in South America and lament at how in its lifetime the tree will somehow cleanse the pollution your factory did today. And the number 1 US-Style solution to tragic US Problems... 1. Combat the problem of human opposition to war by avoiding the use of the word "war" in the media.
Here are the Top Ten prizes won by Barak Obama. 10. The US Peace Prize. 9. The Presidential Medal of Freedom (awarded by himself). 8. Michelle Obama's "clean up after yourself" prize. 7. Sasha and Malia's "World's Best Dad" prize. 6. Donald Trump's "Celebrity Apprentice" prize. 5. Cereal Box toy prize. 4. Carnival prize. 3. Country Fair prize (Best Donkey). 2. The Osama bin Laden prize for "outstanding terroristic achievement". And the number 1 prize won by Barak Obama 1. Presidential Retirement
TOP TEN WAYS AMERICANS CAN PAY THE MEDICAL CARE FOR ALL THESE NEW PEOPLE 10. If Corporations are people, why don't they pay for medical care, eh heh? 9. Take out loans from China to pay for medical care for Chinese Americans. 8. Realize that US Insurance is a Ponzi Scheme and make it illegal. 7. Deploy unused US Army medics to the USA cities (Seriously... They are going unused). 6. Legalize transport to Cuba, Canada, or Venezuela for US medical reasons. 5. Charge higher prices for weapons sold to Mexican drug cartels. 4. Make the US people run on electricity generating tread mills. 3. Contribute a portion of the Pentagon's war proceeds to US healthcare. 2. Start a fizzy pop can collection drive. And the number 1 way Americans can pay the medical care for all these new people... 1. Subsidize the rich peoples' excellent policies by financially raping the poor.
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