Black Sabbath: Your greatest joy is painting in unventilated rooms. Finally - the appeal of Black Sabbath revealed! I take issue with him re: Chicago, my favorite band as a kid. While I certainly appreciate the horn section, I never fail to mention Terry Kath, about whom Jimi Hendrix famously remarked to one of Chicago's horn players, "You know, your guitar player is better than me." Plus, he taught us all a valuable life lesson: don't get shitfaced & play Russian roulette. Thanks Terry! What say you, my fellow boomers? Complied by Middle Finger News Entertainment Reporter, Roach Clip Johnson, During a Series of Recent Lucid Moments The Doors: You have been bitten by an animal while trying to get it stoned. Jimi Hendrix: You are under 20 or over 65. Black Sabbath: Your greatest joy is painting in unventilated rooms. The Grateful Dead: Your stories about the ‘70s make your daughter’s roommates at Tufts very uncomfortable. T-Rex: No matter how much you clean, there will always be trace amounts of glitter on your stove and blender. Pink Floyd: Your garage is full of failed versions of your stereo/barbecue hybrid. ZZ Top: Your favorite Hank Williams is Hank Williams, Jr. Chicago: You are incapable of talking about Chicago without mentioning their horn section. Crosby, Stills & Nash: You own an oversized hat. Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young: You own three or more oversized hats. Jefferson Airplane: You make your living buying and selling oversized hats. Bad Company: You have sustained several alcohol-related injuries involving sheetrock. Lynyrd Skynyrd: You somehow have both long hair and a sunburned scalp. Steely Dan: You have snorted cocaine off a copy of Remembrance of Things Past. Yes: Your ideal partner would be into both tantric sex and fat guys. Creedence Clearwater Revival: You are frequently missing part of an eyebrow. Van Halen: You have a Peeing Calvin bumper sticker on your Ford F100. Bachman-Turner Overdrive: You have an actual urine stain on your Ford F100. AC/DC: You are the cause of the urine stain. Santana: You have had an hours-long conversation with someone before realizing it was just a pile of clothes. The Band: You have misspelled your name while carving it into a picnic table. The Doobie Brothers: You have swallowed exactly two spiders—one accidentally, one on purpose. Bob Seger: You lost your virginity in a Chevette with a spoiler. Alice Cooper: You have burned yourself while urinating on a campfire. Tangerine Dream: You have spent over 30 minutes petting a tennis ball. Traffic: You have several incense scars. Emerson, Lake and Palmer: You have several self-inflicted incense scars. Blind Faith: You constantly misuse the word “penultimate.” Joni Mitchell: You have accidentally eaten more than half of a scented candle. Steppenwolf: You have three or more cigarette burns in hard-to-reach places. Joe Walsh: You have fired a gun while in your underwear. Ozzy Osbourne: You have barbecued a frozen pizza at 3 a.m. King Crimson: You have spent an entire afternoon watching a screensaver. Stevie Nicks: You have thrown a mood ring in anger. Bruce Springsteen: You have tasted more than one color of crayon.
Seeing Pink Floyd performing the Wall at Nassau Coliseum in 1980 was the best show that I have ever attended. All others pale in comparison. When Gilmour cut into his solo during Conformably Numb atop the wall, I broke down in tears. Hands down the finest moment in Rock and Roll history.
Motley Crue Kiss Van Halen Supertramp Neil Young ACDC Deep Purple Ozzy Osborne Bruce Springsteen The Cranberries Foo Fighters The Who Iron Maiden (yeah metal, I know) Rose Tattoo
