'You are no longer my mother': A divided America will struggle to heal after Trump era

Families are breaking up over politics. It seems so extreme to me. My parents and my in-laws are divided politically but neither couple lets politics get in the way. I'm not sure how it works for my in-laws but my parents avoid the topic and won't discuss politics or candidates at all.

Do you think it's extreme for families to turn on one another over an election and/or candidate. I do.

 

I take stories like this with a grain of salt. I am sure it can happen but I doubt it happens at a level that raises concerns particularly within the family unit. When they do happen I am sure there were a lot of pre-existing problems with the family relationship in the first place. If everything else was great I doubt the mother voting for Trump would trigger this type of action. My wife and I often vote differently. She tends to care more about social issues, which for the most part I agree with, but I care my about policies that concern me. We may argue and debate with the occasional snarky name calling but we would never let it impact our marriage.

 

I think it’s extreme assuming it is the only factor, but I doubt that’s the case in most instances. I’m sure there’s a lot more going on and eventually something is going to break the camel’s back.

 

You really have to be a pure piece of crap to cut ties with your parents on political matters.

 

I can understand anyone voting for trump the first time. However after watching the destruction he did in the White House I can understand the problem it could cause between family and friends if someone voted for trump this last time. It's like the old; fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

 

Politics though are about values. It would depend on what the relationship was like before. I'd think if it resulted in this it was the last straw.

 

That mother is a lucky woman. An adult kid who thinks they can tell their parents how to vote is a spoiled brat bum anyway. Lock him out.

 

People who abandon their relatives are piece of crap :
If you abandon your children because of their choice of partner (race or sexual orientation), you're a piece of crap and a traitor, if you abandon one of your relative because of his political and religious choices, you're a piece of crap and a traitor.

This kid has just no honor, neither any sense of acknowlegement.

The only case I can understand is when there was sexual abuse.

I have as much respect for someone who would abandon his mother because she voted Trump as I would for someone who abandon his son because he is gay : absolutly none.

 

My family is all over the map politically. My late mom voted left and my sister voted for Trump. Heck, my sister is a Trump supporter while I'm not at all and we're okay with that. I don't know if my dad would have voted for Trump - he died about ten years ago and did vote for Obama. Maybe twice. Despite his being center-left he also hated Hilla. He might have been like me and voted against Hilla more than for Trump. Growing up, I thought dad was far more right-leaning than he actually was - mostly because he spat on the ground every time Jane Fonda's name came up. Korean War vet, y'know. My mom's (former) caretaker is wildly left and we got along even though I'm far more conservative than she is - heck, even Pelosi is more conservative than she is. Still, we all got along.

On the other hand, we had our union president flat-out say he would not represent anyone he suspected voted for Trump. *shrugs* I know he threatened to disown anyone in his family he knew voted for Trump - he made no secret of that. I couldn't stand the guy. I actually bought a MAGA hat specifically for him - if he ever had cause to visit my school during union meetings I would have worn it just for him, just to watch him explode.

 

First I was only able to read the first sentence so I do not know what more information was given but I would say pretty much everyone has a reason if they turn against their family. Family is the closest and ought to be the most trusted relationship so people rarely turn against their family and only do so with very good reason....and that will not have been Trump. It might have had the last emotionally draining twist but a good relationship would not be harmed by that.

and a poor parent...and I guess that could sometimes still happen but only if the social norms of the society a person was living in demanded it. It was quite common in the UK even about 60 years ago for parents to go loony if their children were marrying the wrong branch of Christianity. This sort of thing does not come from the head, it comes from feelings. If a parent was close to their child and could cope with some shunning, they would stay with them regardless of any social norms but it they are not, then they might just say, get on with it then. You also do not know what they are going to do tomorrow. They may all be friends again! This could be because they miss each other or simply because they want something from the other.

We really, really, really do not know this. The kid is only 21. His brain is nowhere near fully developed. It is not impossible he has done what is right for himself. It is also not impossible that they will all have made up in a few days.

The problem I see is that you are judging him on only one piece of information. That he has cut off contact with his mum for voting for Trump. I can tell you he did not break off contact with his mum for voting for Trump. Families are the strongest source of support there is and people do not break off contact with them unless that is not so and they feel they must....and of course they all could be friends again already.

 

It's a story on the internet - so it has to be true, right?

 

Yes, he does sound like he doesn't play well with others.

 

As much as I would love to say this is hogwash? I’ve been kicked out of my biological family because of me being lgbt. To somehow think that people are losing family over politics isn’t surprising. Politics divides us and it will continue to divide us and it won’t get better anytime soon.

 

I didn't intend to come off as judging him at all. I was just interested in talking about this because it does seem extreme (to me, anyway). I have estranged myself from my family (and for good reasons) so I know it happens. It just didn't happen because of our varied political leanings. It's always heartbreaking to hear of rifts in families no matter the cause.

 

I am not questioning the validity of the statements made in the article. I was interested in what others thought about it being such a divisive factor among family members. I agree with the posters that commented that there is probably something more than politics underlying the family rift(s).

 

I'm sorry your family kicked you out. I don't have a very loving or supportive family of origin but it's always been that way and not based on anything I said or did or didn't say or didn't do. I've finally reached acceptance about the whole thing but it still hurts sometimes.

I hope for you to find peace in your life.

 

Yes, I wasn't suggesting you had but the person I was responding to had. I would agree that if people do estrange themselves from their family there is usually very good reasons. It is one of the hardest things to do and often people who do, do it to make sure their life is not ruined.

 

Really sorry to hear this. I do not know your family but it was obviously their fault. I do not know what could make them like that. Hope they were able to give you enough before they acted like this.

 

It's actually prophecy that this will happen. Brother against brother and so on. Obama killed any civility left in America.

 

Oh, this is just the tip of the iceberg. I know Jewish people who convert to Christianity and they hold basically a funeral for them. There are things that are very emotional for people and they react badly at times.

 

There are reasons to abandon family. As Dr. Phil said, family can be the best thing or worst thing in a person's life.

 

We are extremely attentive parents. Helicopter parents. Spend a great deal of time and focus preparing them for independent adult life with as much of a resume of experience, knowledge and skillsets as marketable - with a deadline being the end of summer after graduation from high school.
Then they either fly from the nest or are thrown out. %They're on their own. Our 100% authority and responsibility for them becomes 0% and the relationship entirely voluntary. Don't call us asking for money. They can visit but never move back in (obviously an exception in extreme medical circumstance such as paralysis). Time to fly or crash, sink or swim. Time to be an adults who bear all the consequences of their decisions.

 

Are any of your children out of high school? Good luck with that one. What happens when a daughter with two children come for a visit and don't go back to her husband because he was abusing her? You going to send her and your grandchildren to the streets? Some kids are ready to go and others aren't. What I did with my two boys is they went to work and I charged them rent. It didn't take too long for them to find their own places.

 

I assume the article is true (it's not strange or anything, and I find it conceivable), but don't know how representative it is. I have cut ties with former friends who got a little too personal in their political attacks. The social problem occurs as the dialog between R's and D's moves along this spectrum:

1 Trump has some foreign policy and economic and vaccine successes, but he is not an ideal president

2 Trump is a bad president

3 Trump is a bad president and a man of low moral character

4 Trump is a bad president, of low character, and he suffers from a personality disorder

(So far, D's and R's can still be on speaking terms thought they disagree on 1-4; but then comes):

5 All of #4, plus he is evil (uh oh)

6 All of #5, plus he is a fascist

7 All of #6, plus he is in Putin's pocket!!!

8 All of #7, plus People who don't actively oppose Trump are perpetuating the problem

9 All of ##1-7, AND, people who vote for Trump are stupid

10 All of the above, plus people who vote for Trump are stupid, plus they are fascists themselves.

That's the conversation stopper from which there is no return, and we have plenty on this forum who believe this. I imagine the kid in the article is one of these.

You can't have a civil disagreement or a healthy relationship with people who subscribe to "truths" ## 5-10, and I no longer try, except here, to a limited extent, and I quickly tire of being insulted. What good does it do?

 

It tells then they don't have a monopoly on thought. That they can't control how everyone things and believes. That is there intention. To control our thoughts, speech, beliefs and actions.