Why did your spouse divorce you?

This is why I am all for shacking up before getting married. You can never really know a person unless you live with that person. THAT is when you REALLY get to know a person and all of their aggravating little quirks, etc.

 

Anyways, there was a time not too long ago when women were not ALLOWED to get divorced, and if they did get divorced, then they would be stuck in a life of misery and poverty, and a lot of them had to turn to prostitution just to put food on the table. There are still places in the world where it's like this for women too. Women don't get to make their own choices still in some places, and also they don't even get to choose the man they will marry. They go from being the property of their father to the property of their husband and never get to live for themselves.

 

Some "grownups" are not really grown up at all, at least in the mind/brain. I think some people never grow beyond the age of 16 years old.

 

I know a couple who have been together since high school and they started off as "just friends." They are the happiest couple I know, but they aren't married.

 

Eww. Why would you be involved with such a person?

I do believe that some people are just really, really bad for each other too. They are like codependent or something.

 

I'd rather collect welfare than be a hooker. I would rather work at Walmart being a bagger. I would do anything besides become a hooker.

 

There isn't a lot of money with Divorce. I had a buddy who was one. He then became a Childrens attorney for the court. A lot of head games played over kids. He then quit for a few years and is now just going back. You will need to do real estate or something else to offset what you get as a divorce attorney.

But you are correct.....the average man gets screwed in a divorce. There does need to be a counterbalance. There are some Mens Rights Attorneys. But even many of them get caught up when dealing with those Man Hating feminists. They do know how to play on Judges.

 

I do agree, but I think things are starting to change. I know a few men who have custody of their children because the mother was deemed unfit.

 

One guy I used to babysit for had custody of all 4 of his daughters because apparently his wife had left him for some guy she met on the internet, so she lost custody of the kids because she abandoned her family and hooked up with this guy.

Another friend of mine has custody of his boy because the mother was just too unstable and could not provide a stable home for the child. She had a drug problem. I felt so sorry for that little boy. I remember he would sit and wait for his mom to show up and sometimes she wouldn't show up. Poor kid. I know he was hurt when his mom wouldn't show up to spend time with him.

 

She wanted a divorce because ultimately she was using me as her last chance to sort out her sexuality. When we separated, she followed her girlfriend (yes in that way) from Air Force Base to Air Force Base. I knew it was falling south when she said that the sex was uncomfortable for her (we only tried once) and that she would see her doctor about it. She never did. She signed us up for 6 therapy sessions. She came to one...I came to the rest. Even the doctor said "It's not looking good".

I'm currently married and quite happily at that. So wherever she is...I do wish her all the best.

 

I won custody of my 2 sons. When the ex had the put the kids on Medications they didn't need. She had to bail out of the case then. Otherwise the court would have hooked her up for Munchausen Syndrome By Proxy. Falsely reporting behaviors of the kids to doctors to get them put on meds. I got the backing from the kids schools. Even they couldn't believe all the meds she had put my kids on. Once they got involved. The ex was done dealing.

Took them two years to finally get over all the medications they were on.

 

I agree.....Jeffrey Leving was an Attorney that was part of ADAM. Men's Rights attorneys. He wrote a book, talking about the facts of Fathers removed from their Childrens lives. Any women playing games in the court. Or with their Attorneys.....don't like to see Leving walking in and representing some guy. Judges also know he is all about the kids. Which helps.

 

It is so wrong for either parent to try to keep the children from the other parent (unless the parent is abusive of course). They are just hurting the kids the most in the long run. Using kids as pawns is just awful.

 

I think fighter pilots call that a "solid lockon"..

 

I wasn't always the dashing, clean cut guy I am today.

 

Man, you aren't kidding! Divorce law is a nightmare. My ex made false accusations for over three years in court or through her lawyer. In the end all of her accusations were shown to be false. But it cost me over 100K to prove it. She could make any crackpot claim she wanted to make with no price to pay for her lies. In the end I won and it cost her dearly, but only after she made a disaster out of my life and finances.

Had each lie she told come with a price, this would have been over in 3-6 months instead of 42 months.

I did have to laugh when her lawyer told my lawyer about her come-to-Jesus meeting. They sat her down and explained that there was no way she was going to win. At that point all hell broke loose. She was crying and screaming and carrying on uncontrollably - inconsolably.

But she wasn't mad because I was doing something horrible to her. I only wanted what I was legally entitled to have - half the debt, half the assets.

She was mad because she lost. It was always about control. It always is.

Hah! bitch.

 

Just for the record, we agreed to an amicable divorce and I planned to watch out for her for the rest of my life. I wanted to be sure we would both be okay.
But she only wanted to bury me.

Now, she can walk in front of a speeding truck for all I care.

Oh yes, and after all this, after she lost, she thought we were going to be buddies again. WTF?!?! No, you won't be using me any more!

 

The reason for my divorce started 16 years earlier when we got married. The problem is that I was a shy insecure dork who married the first woman who threw herself at me. I divorced my ex after 16 years of marriage because she is insane, literally with around 11 trips to the psych ward with 3 of those visits long term. She and I were good roommates, but we were not compatible as a couple.

So I intended to take a year off from relationships to figure out my failings and made it 8 months before I got into a new relationship which fell apart in part because of a reemergence of my old insecurities. So I sat down, did a brutality honest introspection that was bordering upon masochistic in brutality and finally identified and worked to remove or at least mitigate the source of my crippling insecurity.

Once I got a handle on my insecurity I made a list of deal breakers and was a picky and discerning dater which paid off by leading me to my 2nd wife and the love of my life! We have been together since 2010, we do not fight, our disagreements are productive rather than destructive, and we have been told a number of times that we are the cutest couple... some even assume that we are newlyweds! After 7 years of being together we are still in the honeymoon phase (just asked the wife and she agrees) and we can hardly keep our hands off of each other.

My secret to a happy relationship is; know thyself and do not settle!

 

Dead on!

... this applies to all aspects of life.

 

I absolutely agree!

 

I haven't found the new love of my life but I have learned a lot about how not to commit suicide.

I would add that living in the moment is key. "Now" is really all we have.

The biggest mistake I made was always living for the future and never learning how to be happy in the present. If I had simply asked myself if I was happy, many years ago, a lot of misery and wasted years could have been avoided.

 

...course there was that whole "I don't believe in divorce" nonsense from my religious upbringing. I had to put a gun to my head before I could move beyond that brainwashing.

 

Sounds like you and I have come to some of the same conclusions as how to live a happier life. I have found that dwelling upon the past or future too much can be a brick in the path to misery. I have largely overcome my past and try to minimize worrying about aspects of the future that I cannot control. I change what I can and accept that which I cannot change. When faced with a negative that I have no power over, I can still change my perspective in a way that makes the negative much easier to accept or at least tolerate. A measure of my happiness comes from a belief that if I can't change my current circumstance, I can still change my perspective. So much of the misery in life is optional and self imposed. Too bad that it has taken me so long to learn this basic truth.

 

Hard work pays off.
And there's Creatine .

 

Placed a shotgun in my mouth in the late 80's, and lucky for me my head told me that there were better ways to deal with my misery. I am so glad I listened to that aspect of my inner monologue.