I will probably come under a lot of fire for saying this but...

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Thanks for your encouragement, Here.

What is the difference between physical attraction and primal attraction?

 

Wanting to is one thing. Only willing to, well the shelter has lots of cats looking for a home.

 

Meh, we all have our priorities. You might be shallow, but thats just a mean way of saying physical appearance is important to you. Its important to all of us to a certain extent. I dont think I could spend the rest of my life with even the most awesome woman in the world if she looked like Danny Devito or Jabba The Hut, and I dont think that makes me shallow...

Just try to be objective and understand- we all must settle. Its either that, or spend ur whole life looking for Mr Perfect that doesnt exist.
Also consider: most women also prefer the 'really hot guys.' Those guys basically get their pick of women, and guys being guys, are far less likely to even settle for *1* '10', much less 1'6-7'. In other words, you're more likely to end up being a one night stand or 'side bitch' going after the hottest guys. Im sure you've noticed how the hotter the chick is, the more likely she is to be a conceited, entitled biotch... its the same with guys. The hotter they are, the bigger *******s they turn out to be (usually after you've slept with them). Sure, every now and then, a woman's 'princess dream' comes true and she finds that one-in-a-million perfectly chiseled prince charming... but the other 999999 end up with really miserable, lonely lives keeping such high expectations.

The best Ive heard it put: Infatuation is when you want to be with someone because they're perfect. When they're flawed but you still want to be with them anyway, then you're in Love.

 

I say primal because in my experience, it is more than just physical. It isn't just someone's appearance. There are many factors including something elusive and often called sexual chemistry. Sexual chemistry is real and it is powerful.

My ex wife and I were what I would call compatible. When we met, she was attractive, we had fun, we fell in love... After 25 years of marriage we got a divorce. And then I REALLY fell in love. It was the most powerful experience I've ever had. It was love at first sight and I will never get over her entirely. I didn't even believe in love at first sight. But it exists.

I've also found that we might have great chemistry socially but horrible chemistry in bed, and the opposite. But the point is, I say look for that person who completely turns your world upside down. Anything less is just settling.

 

I did not comment on your politics or social stance, focusing instead on your situation in hopes of providing insight gained over years and many interactions. However, as it seems I have offended your sensibilities by doing so I will happily bid you good day and good luck.

 

I should add that I don't think you can tell online. You have to meet in person. That's why I have mastered the coffee date.

 

So polite all of a sudden. Now I feel bad about my outburst earlier. I hope we are still cool.

 

Everyone has their own things that make them happy. Certainly not my place to judge.

I'm mid 40's. I try to stay in shape but I'm no Brad Pitt, if that's what you're wondering.

 

Have you never experienced seeing a picture of someone that you thought "meh", and then you met them and suddenly they got 5 stages more attractive?

I'd say that's the primal thing. Call it pheromones or whatever, I don't know.

 

That is how I met my wife.

 

Do you mean online?

 

I have found this to be true to some extent. I had seen this guy's pic, and he didn't look all that hot to me at first but when I first met him in real life, I was like, omg...

And surprisingly a similar thing happened with a girl too. Although I am not into women.

 

That's actually a good point. Girls who are a 6 can be with guys out of their league, but it's likely only going to be a one night stand situation or as a side piece.

 

Additionally, keep in mind that preferences determining whats 'hot' vary widely, especially among women. Just because you think a guy is hot doesnt mean everyone else does. Maybe most chicks wont give him the time of day because they like a different shape of nose or something. Go talk to him and find out.

Be outgoing and confident. Not only will this increase your appeal to the right kind of men, but it will open your doors to those men who may not be very good at meeting (picking up) women. While 'typical' women are fighting over the pickup artists who know how to fake 'interesting and funny' just long enough to get laid, you can get to know the shyer, quieter types who are far less likely to dump you for the next easy fling.

 

You have given a lot of solid suggestions in this thread. Thank you.

Also I think you brought up an interesting thing: not all hot guys are naturally very good with women. Some of them can be shy and quiet.

 

Are you hot yourself, Modern? How old are you, if you don't mind telling me?

 

When you say you are a 6, are you basing that on your face alone, or is your body in the calculation?

Have you tried being the aggressor? I have no idea what you look like (or if you're even a girl), but, from what I've seen in some of your posts, you seem smart and have a no bullshit view of the world. Those are rare and attractive qualities. Maybe if you pursue a hot guy that is less shallow than yourself, and he gets to know you, then you might get lucky. "In true love, it's the soul that envelopes the body."

Do you care about the emotional exchange in your relationship? Maybe you can be a beard for a closet case? Try the Mormons.

 

Casino or Slurpee?

 

My face alone. My body is probably a 7. Maybe a 7.5 if you look at it generously.

Does it make a difference?

Thanks for your compliment, Buddha. You are very kind. I enjoy your posts too.

Also, I actually had tried being the aggressor before, not once but a few times. I think this one time I came really close to getting the guy (he was really hot, too) but for various reasons it didn't work out. I think you are onto something. It's much easier for a girl to be doing the pursuing.

This made me lol. You seem to have the unique ability to endear people even while you are dishing it out.

Yes. Very much so. Beyond my apparent shallowness, I am not that different from the average woman. I want love, support, and commitment from a good, solid guy.

Are you hot yourself? Just wondering.

 

Just follow your instincts. Do what feels right. If you end up married to someone for 59 years like I've been you can consider yourself damn lucky.

 

Holy cow! You have been married for 59 years?? How old are you, if you don't mind my asking?

You must be in (or very close) your 80s.

 

Lakota Sioux...nadowessi

 

with all due respect, YOU have called yourself "ugly".

 

I think someone who considers themselves to be "ugly" should not be soo superficial when it comes to mens' looks.

maybe you should try to lower your perfectionist standards just a wee bit, and also take into account men's personality, if you have stuff in common, if you enjoy each other's company, etc.

just judging a guy on his looks, especially if you admit you are no model, is a recipe for relationship failure.