Why today’s young men are terrified of sex... Any truth to this, or are y'all geezers outdated...

I can't get enough..

 

THC is not a downer yet alcohol is and is notorious for making one limp...I have never had that problem though with either..

 

Yes THC or something in weed is most certainly a downer.

 

Maybe it's just you?

 

No one claims it never happens. No one. However, you are more likely to get struck by lightning (or, hell, be sexually assaulted yourself) than face a false accusation of sexual assault. ANYONE, and I mean ANYONE, who is facing a fear of false accusation that is impairing their social life needs to see a mental health professional. I can provide some resources.

 

Missed on on rudimentary reading skills, did you? How does UNC prove that this happens to all men who hit on women? Or most? Or even a significant percentage?

No one claims it never happens. No one. However, you are more likely to get struck by lightning (or, hell, be sexually assaulted yourself) than face a false accusation of sexual assault. ANYONE, and I mean ANYONE, who is facing a fear of false accusation that is impairing their social life needs to see a mental health professional. I can provide some resources.

 

Let me repeat the data:

False accusations are not that rare.

 

butter is better than margarine, give him that

 

exactly, part of the problem nowadays is everyone thinks they are too good for anyone but what they see as physical perfection, narcissism is a growing issue with people nowadays, used to be only spoiled rich kids and unless one is rich, they better deal with reality as they can not afford a trophy wife and in reality, love is better anyways and you can't buy that

 

I wasn’t afraid of sex in high school back in the 70’s. I also didn’t try to bag every girl I could.

I have no idea how guys feel about it today. My son is in his 20’s and happily engaged.

 

Past experiences inform future decisions. And for those interviewed, said past experiences weren't all that great. Frankly, there's a hereto invisible barrier between men and women, regarding social behaviors, expectations of those behaviors and how to 'act' out our roles. It's kind of funny in a way, now more than ever before our relationships are the very definition of artificial and shallow.

I had my first relationship, almost 3 years ago and to be blunt: Mixed signals, or no signal at all makes it very difficult on the part of a male. Because we are presumed to be 'full gusto', when in fact the fear of failure is real. The need to please is ever so great, and the patience for a young padawan? Not really there, to be honest.

As such, to me being indifferent is a great strategy. If she's interested in you, she'll show it. If she's not, she's not. And that's okay.

 

I have talked with over a thousand women in their 20s; had a coffee date with over 130 of them, and mostly dated women in their 20s as sugar babies for over seven years now - not escorts, sugar babies, big difference! I'm in my 50s.

The number one reason women have cited for dating men my age, is that young men have been damaged by watching far too much porn. And contrary to some opinions here, porn today is far different than the porn I had growing up. In fact, I've kept a few old porn magazines from my youth. I've shown some of my dates what we used to call porn and they find it humorous. We looked at naked women. Now kids grow up watching naked women tied up, tortured, degraded verbally, men spitting in their mouth, going from rear to mouth, and lots and lots of anal sex. In fact, young men constantly wanting anal sex is the single biggest complaint I've heard.

From what I have seen, read, watched, and been told, young men tend towards these problems:

1. Total objectification of women. They only know women in a sexual context from hard porn
   
2. Completely unrealistic sexual expectations. They think woman want what they see in porn videos
   
3. No social skills. Because they have been spending the days of their youth playing video games and masturbating to porn, they don't know how to relate to actual women.
4. Porn-induced erectile dysfunction: A lot of young men can't get it up with a real woman. It isn't stimulating enough both physically [nothing can squeeze like a strong hand], and due to desensitization of the brain to sexual stimuli. Even Viagra wont fix these problems. The only fix is to stop masturbating to porn for a time.
5. Porn addiction. Just last Friday, my 21 yo date vented about her hatred for porn. She said it has ruined all of her relationships for the reasons already mentioned. She surprised herself and said she's never said that out loud before. But it's true. Porn has ruined all of her relationships.
6. Young men have been masturbating to porn that is far too harsh, far too much, for far too long.

On the flip side, young men [and women] have seen the failure of marriage for perhaps their parents and their grandparents. They have seen how older men are often miserable and just work themselves to death. And they want no part of any of it. So the attitude is get laid and move on. Don't get trapped by the lie of a white picket fence and a happy wife, and a healthy sex life. That isn't how it works in real life most of the time.

Additionally, there are unrealistic expectations towards men. In one notable poll at a dating site, the majority of women rated the majority of men on the site to be below average. This suggests that a majority of women tend to see the average man as below average.

A very interesting lecture that discusses some of this.

 

have been married three times and found that it is much cheaper to utilize hookers..

 

This is an interesting topic, one in which I didn't realize was a real issue till just within the last year. It was the first time I had heard of Incels and a documentary I saw on Netflix was completely about this issue.

I do think the unfettered ability to access an entire universe of porn is a major contributor to this phenomena, but at the same time it really isn't unexpected if you think about it logically. I recall reading back in the 90's a sci-fi novel by William Gibson, Mona Lisa Overdrive, where he describes a dystopian future where throngs of people are addicted to living in virtual reality. I think that future is here now.

 

Being a porn addict would not make one afraid of having sex...

 

In my day, it was coke.

You'd talk a mile-a-minute to anyone or anything that would listen, a great way to meet women, but then when you scored, the effect was a limp biscuit.

 

Maybe not for you, but humans can be strange creatures of habits.

 

It can make you afraid of real women. Young men are often intimidated by girls anyway. Now throw up a thick porn smoke screen that completely objectifies women. They don't know now to relate to an actual person.

 

@HereWeGoAgain Great post.

@Lucifer There is also a group of men called mgtow that refuse relationships with women. I don't agree with them, but the wikipedia article clearly tell crap.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Men_Going_Their_Own_Way
That movement don't "proclaim" to be alt-right, it has clearly a tendancy to be toward alright, but it's quite anarchic and so don't have any real political position. Furthermore, most of them reject traditionnal roles for men.

@Moonglow Afraid not, but it interfere with a kind of pavlovian conditionning and the brain reward system has strange behavour in a general way.

 

Trouble is these days guys and gals go hunting hook ups in a bar, and that means communication is half dead before they ever get courage enough to start talking. Worse someone wakes up in the morning with someone about two rungs below their normal cut off line, and if it's a guy if shes lucky he pays the motel room bill and they never meet again, but if its the guy there's a fifty-fifty chance of rape charges being filed.

 

Wish you were closer I'd have gladly given them to you, five big ol nugs too

 

The beating put the fear of old dad in me.. Defiant was one thing criminal was a whole different ball game.. My old man didn't mind defiance if his boys were in the right! But you got caught in a criminal act, disrespecting an adult (circumstances) or Momma and your ass was in for it

He had seven children, four boys and three girls, he didn't have time for diplomacy and I was the oldest, so the example I provided set the others straight! I personal never held no animosity towards him, what I got I deserved, what I did could have potentially ended badly for myself, brothers and strangers around me.. I left the nest at seventeen and a half, and it's a good thing my old man gave me a crash course in respect for the law and people older and wiser then I was! Those lessons served me very well in my young life and even today!

 

Oh I agree I cant mix the two, but I think the alcohol is worse the other, MPO!

 

Well that not my point, but I see you ur point!

 

There has always been a certain amount of anxiety among men when confronted with the first sexual encounter. In a sense it's a joke nature played on us. Girls mature earlier than boys, so alot of times a boy's first crush in grade school has her first encounter with an older boy. So, sneaking up on sex with someone we grow up with is not universal ,,, it's more rare than not.

In taking your word for what's happening today, more severe cases of anxiety and acute insecurity leading to bad stuff, we need to consider what's going on in every aspect of the lives of kids. Today's kids can't even brush off words spoken by someone on the other side of the political spectrum, how do we expect them to behave when confronted with a girl who wants to have sex for the first time. As I alluded to above growing into sex with a familiar person is like dealing with it after being inoculated with a vaccine.

Growing up discussing minor differences of opinion is like a vaccine that prepared us to deal with major differences of opinion in College and beyond ,,, so we never heard of the term 'triggered'. You can probably say that the lack of face to face social interaction leading to increasing degrees of intimacy might explain what you appear to be observing.

I recently read a book that might help. I think it was The Coddling of the American Mind.

Honestly, I think dysfunction concerning kids' first sexual encounters are the least of their problems.