Can people really be asexual?

To start off I will point out that I am not really sure if this is the right section for this thread, but it is the one I found most suiting for the basis of discussion that is the question of; Do you think one can really be asexual?

If one starts to dwell and look deeper into the term that is asexuality, one will quickly notice there is a lot of ambigiuity surrounding the definition and that there seems to be no clear common-ground on where all asexuals meet. The simplest definition is the one that is also quite obvious and goes something along the lines of "An asexual is someone who does not experience any sexual attraction whatsoever." This category/identity was even included as a potential result in that Kinsey test. Problems arrive when you start reading and listening to some of the self-identified asexuals; some of them even say they have- or sometimes do feel sexual "although rare" and some of them even watch porn and masturbate. Isn't this a little contradictory?

And how can you even ever be sure that you are actually asexual if you, say, have never had sex? And if you actually haven't felt sexual attraction to anyone ever, how can you be sure you will never do so? Afterall it is quite impossible to exclude this possibility since no one will ever meet every single man on Earth, yes? Additionally, we are all different; some people have high sex drive others have lower sex drive and sometimes it feels that asexuality is nothing more than the latter; Having low sex drive.

Pardon me if I sound belittling, ignorant or whatever, it is just that with a very vague and ambigious term like "asexuality" that sometimes even contradicts itself (eg. Some asexuals enjoying sex), is it possible that asexuality- in fact- does not exist and is not a real thing?

What are your thoughts and why do you think it does/does not exist?

 

of course not.

you can be sexually dysfunctional or post-menopausal, but you can't be without a sex drive while of breeding age if female (ever, if male).

it's as innate as eating and pooping. asexuality is just a term favoured by those who are sexually awkward (or whatever) to glamorise their malfunction. it's more common amongst virgins, for obvious reasons.

 

I guess you are a qualified Sexpert, you know everything about Sex, you could be the next U.S. Sex Czar, no, I guess you can't, you are not an American.......

However, please, Thrill us with your Sexual acumen, you make it sound sooo good !

 

I too think "asexuality" mostly serve as some kind of "comfort blanket" to people with poor self-esteem etc. If you are too shy to find a partner it might feel better to rationalise it all off by saying to yourself "I am asexual" instead of recognising the fact that one is suffering from low self-esteem and/or other mental issues.

 

that's it exactly. many instances are simply extreme awkwardness.

it's also handy for those who aren't sure what their sexuality is, or who are offended by their own sexuality.

 

god forbid !

but I am sufficiently educated in the field of human stuff to know that a mating urge is as universal as eating. no one escapes it.

you can pretend you're exempt, but those morning erections and/or monthly ovulation will remind you it's nonsense.

 

Wait, we've moved on from hating on gay people and transgender people to attacking asexuals now?

Asexuality doesn't necessarily mean having 'no sex drive'. For some, it means that drive isn't tied to sex/gender-based attraction the way heterosexuals, bisexuals, and homosexuals experience sex/gender-based attraction.

Point being - not everyone's feelings of attraction, sex drive, or sexual behavior conforms to what you personally experience. Asexuality isn't a threat to you, so get over yourselves already.

 

My guess would be that people who are asexual do, in fact, have something peculiar going on either mentally or physically if they have no sexual desires, dreams, fantasies whatsoever. If a guy told me he was asexual but woke up with morning wood, I would say it was mental. If he never even experienced the BEMHO, then I would say that there was something physical going on.

 

That last would be impotence. An entirely different thing to 'asexuality'.

It's psychological. Or rather, a word used to de-pathologise interpersonal dysfunction of one sort or another. Alternatively it's just a hip way of saying virgin. Which is silly, because it suggests there's something wrong with virginity.

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why do you want to shut down open and non-personal discussion?

what sort of progress is that, when any attempt to research or understand these things is seen as some sort of trespass against the sacred?

 

Discussing sexuality on this forum will probably never yield any results other than unfruitful discourse and rants and bigoted responses from self anointed Sexperts.

 

I think the term you mean is celibate...

... and yes, it is possible.

 

So you don't think there is a such thing as HSDD?
https://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/low-sexual-desire

 

Here is an article on it. I don't know a while lot about it.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/magnetic-partners/201406/asexuality

 

Hate? Threat? Stop reading in things that are not even there. This thread was not started to heckle asexuals and their orientation, but to have a serious and sincere discussion about the concept as such. No need to call other people haters when there is not hate because that makes you a hater.

Anyways, that second paragraph is exactly why I question its existence. Asexuality, per definition, should mean that you feel no sexual attraction whatsoever, but many aces claim they do ("only less than others" and some even masturbate), so they are per definition then sexual. And not asexual. No?

I have had serious problems with my self-esteem esteem myself and have therefore avoided dating. I have also noticed that I have always had a seemingly lower interest in sex than my mates. I started reading about asexuality and to me it just came out as having a low sex drive and/or insecurities.

Yeah, I know. But these are two different concepts so no.

Hmmmm. So ace is about low sex drive afterall?

 

Well if you don't have a sex drive how can you be straight, gay, or bi?

 

The point is; everyone has a sex-drive. Some people only have a lower and some have a stronger. Within the spectrum of low sex drive we find the people identifying as "ace" which is of course a facile identity.

Many aces describe themselves as someone who has always been sure to what gender they are attracted only that this attraction predominantely is romantic. Again, I don't want to sound like an ignorant tool, but someone experiencing absolutely no sexual attraction just sounds like complete bull to me.

 

I don't agree. There can be people that are completely without sex drive.

There is too many variations of humans for me to believe anybody that says all humans have a sex drive. Some don't. I'm going to take them at their word because I can't read minds.

 

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I've met only one person who considered themselves to be asexual. He eventually got married to a female and have two children. Of course this is anecdotal however, I do know this; "Acceptance of asexuality as a sexual orientation and field of scientific research is still relatively new, as a growing body of research from both sociological and psychological perspectives has begun to develop. While some researchers assert that asexuality is a sexual orientation, other researchers disagree." - source The thing I can't figure out is why anyone would be concerned about this? If people don't like it? Tough beans. Live and let live.

 

Sex is about the only thing I'm not an expert on.

 

Talking of 'tools' . . . oh sod it I've forgotten what I was going to say now!

 

Deleted by Cerberus - duped

 

So what?

 

The problem is most asexuals tell they have (i)had crushes and (ii)they masturbate and/or watch porn. So, if you have had a crush, it means you have been attracted to someone, although not necessarily sexually, at least romantically. And I do not really know if romance and sex is seperable when all comes around. Additionally, if you masturbate you certainly have a sex drive. Thus, if you have experienced attraction and/or masturbated, you are, per definition and de facto, not asexual.

So, he wasn't ace then.

So, I want us to discuss the questions in the opening post.

 

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No, that means he fell in love and got married. It was love that changed him.

 

And thus he wasn't asexual! Sexuality is not a choice and it is certainly not temporar, it is permanent. With that same logic a homosexual can be "changed", they just have to fall in love with the opposite gender.