To straight marriage minded males: do you intend to be of support to your spouse

I have another thread asking if straight marriage minded females intend to keep their spouse sexually satisfied or not. The flip side of this question to marriage minded males is, do you at least intend to be of support to your female spouse?
Traditionally, such men were to sire, support and raise children. They are to financially support their spouse (today, with women working outside the home, a male is still typically expected to contribute financially. I've read that women are much more likely to divorce a male that does not earn more money than her). Certain chores, such as taking out the trash, are typically male. Someone breaks into your home? The male should be ready to die to defend the wife and children. To those men, is it your intention to be of such support to a female spouse?

 

Those men no longer exist.

Maybe a few do but they went in the first round of the draft in the top three picks.

There are none left.

 

Sure I'd support a wife unless she stopped supporting my family, then goodbye. Unfortunately that is an extremely rare occurrence. I'd rather have a backup plan where she has her own goals and ambitions outside of the immediate household.

 

As I wrote, women typically do work outside the home today and hope the work is typically rewarding for her.
I do not understand your second statement about it rare occurrences. What is rare and why is that unfortunate?

 

Call me a traditionalist. Contrary to what many would have us believe we are not created equal. That is plainly obvious when it comes to male/female. Males and females are naturally suited for different roles. Not saying they cant swap roles or share roles but we have different strengths and weaknesses. The ideal partnership between man and woman would play to the strengths in order to compensate for and build up the weaknesses. Women are the nurturers/nesters, men the hunters/gatherers. Yes, I have been of such support to my female spouse. All 3 of them.

For worse or better times are changing and so are the roles we play. It seems to me for worse but perhaps it has to get worse before it can be better. Hard to see better when we are at a point when many are confused as to what bathroom they should use. I find that more amusing than outrageous.

From chaos comes order.

 

Dude! 3!!?!? Practice makes perfect.

 

It's rare that women wish to be supported and take care of the family these days. If they are working outside the home, you aren't truly supporting them in the way I was interpreting your statement. I don't see anything wrong with this but women still are better at nurturing and certain parts of family support than men. Also, if either of you are not supporting one another in some regard, you probably shouldn't be married. It's not whether the man is supporting the wife or the wife is supporting the husband, both are required, neither is more important than the other.

 

I still wire money to my "ex", and she's in my Trust.
No papers say I have to do so.

It isn't the support I mind so much as access to property it took
me 70 years to acquire. Home. Bank Accounts. . .

And the years of the "ex" being a psychiatric case; Schizophrenia,
Alcoholism, Compulsive Behaviors, - - her hospitalizations and
out patient treatment were a very, extreme, heavy drain on the
economy. Yes, we had good insurance. But, if it isn't an HMO, I guess,
no insurance really covers much. I believe Kaiser has waiting lists.
She now lives with her mother.

She did have some bloody carnivorous friends teaching her about
divorce and getting half. That was scary.


Moi

​

 

Supposedly, the likelihood she will divorce you goes up 75% if you earn less than her. She may earn her own money but she'll need your financial support to have the standard of living she wants and will resent a man that isn't helping her do just that.

 

Sounds like quite the story there friend.

I hope you made it through without too many scars.

 

It is/should be more about balancing time than money. Balancing time between family and work. Time nurturing and time working. Both partners should be balancing those two between each other and if it's unbalanced something is wrong. Also, really if there is even a sign that the only reason the woman is married to you is to get a better standard of living, then get out as fast as possible and frankly I'm sorry you were conned. Good luck to you.

 

Sadly, it is not that cut and dry.
Take a woman that complains of a man working too much and not spending enough time with her and kids: she is still going to tend to be angry if the guy then takes a major pay cut and demotion so that he can be with her more often.

 

Women wanted things changed. Don't blame men.

 

That's the part where men have really gotten screwed. We are considered equals until we're not.

My sister actually said she left her husband because he didn't make enough money. He is a State Park Ranger in California - pays well and great benefits. These guys are much like cops and carry a weapon. They had a beautiful home in an upper-class neighborhood, with a pool, and a boat.

Women initiate the majority of divorces and the number one reason for divorce, is money.

I played the game for 25 years. Then one day it dawned on me that I was getting nothing out of this deal. My job was just to work until I drop dead - and make sure I have lots of life insurance.

Having to tolerate endless bitching, endless expectations, no love or sex, and endless work, just hand over the pay check each week - the life of a typical husband.

 

Something I am very bothered by is that supposedly women are divorcing the very men they said they want. When you hear of a divorced couple (80% divorces filed by the wife) that are still such good friends, it makes me wonder why they are divorced.

 

Videos posted here are normally a waste of time and quickly lose my interest. But that was dead on! The author [she] makes one valid point after another - precisely what I have observed. And perhaps the most important point is that "men are always at fault". That is what I realized about my ex, my mother, my sisters, and other couples I've observed. Men are always at fault. Women are ALWAYS the victim. This has been drilled into women's heads since they were little girls in both subtle ways and direct messages, from a wide variety of sources ranging from sit coms to commercials to family patterns.

That said, I don't see that as much with younger women [in their 20s]. They have mostly rejected their mothers feminism. They see the permanent victim status of their mothers and see it for what it is. They feel empowered and don't feel like victims. They don't want to be like their mothers. But by and large, they don't believe in monogamy or marriage either. Many have talked about being interested in open marriages.

From what I see, the idea of marriage as we know it is on the way out. About 75% of the time, it doesn't work. Half divorce, and half of the half that don't divorce are not happy.

Funny, it was discovered that many polls taken about couples being happy, were done so with both people in the room - the husband and wife. If you ask them the same questions separately, you get very different answers. DUH!

 

As a husband, I am advised to NEVER go to couples therapy. You will be at fault. Always. Even if the Therapist is a man.
I'm also told that if a wife wants an open marriage, she is looking to monkey branch. She can still attract men with sex. But if women are looking for a man to share his resources with them, a married man is a much lesser target: he is already sharing his resources with his wife. If my wife ever asked for an open marriage, I'm gone.

As it is, we need to think of marriage alternatives. A top issue for me is repealing laws that bar experimentation on Ectogenysis past 2 weeks. The tech is actually relatively old. End that law and I bet it becomes a reality and is affordable inside 20 years and will transform society with men able to have their own kids without women, older professional women able to put off child birth, health risks avoided and new social models become feasible and fair.

 

I am open to what may come, but for seven years I've been a sugar daddy. My first sb was 21 when we met. I fell madly in love and had the 3 best years of my life [not exaggerating, it was INCREDIBLE!!! I didn't know a man could be that much in love]. Since then I have had a number of rewarding relationships. It isn't always easy but I get more from this than I did my marriage. AT least I'm having lots of great sex with young hotties while looking for someone like my first again.

I get more sex than I ever did and no one ever bitches at me. We just have fun. That alone makes it better than my marriage.

I don't remember missing my ex for one minute since leaving her. What I do miss is our place - a large piece of property in wilds. But even that came with a price that was too high. Sooner or later I was going to get hurt and then I'd be screwed, if not dead.

 

That isn't always true. Women can often see through other's women's bs better than men do. My ex had everyone fooled. She had me, my mother, my sisters, and everyone in the family fooled. But after the wedding things quickly took a turn. So we went to counseling - a woman. We were also moving out of the city to the country soon, so we only had time for a few sessions. First we went in together. Then I went in, Then my ex went in. And by then it was time to move. The day before we left, I received a call from the counselor. Huh, this is odd. She went on to tell me that she normally wouldn't do this, but with us leaving the area, she had no choice. She went on to say "Get as far away from her as you can!". She wouldn't really elaborate but was emphatic. "GET AWAY FROM HER! She is toxic."

WTF?!?! I didn't know what to think. But I wasn't going to leave my wife base on three counseling sessions with a stranger. We moved. Life got busy and I pretty much forgot all about it until years later, Then one day I remembered. Holy crap!!!! If only I had listened. It took me 15 years to see what she saw.

 

OK, she must have been very extreme and impossible to ignore. But this video seems more typical to me from what other men tell me. I've even been to group with my mom and sisters. I was kind of ignored for one of 2 reasons: either the therapist did not care about my opinion, or she saw that I wasn't the one that needed help.
If you watch it, you can start at 2:20 if you like.

 

Plenty of those men still exist.

 

I support my spouse. Has nothing to do with kids. I financially support her and support her aspirations to be financially independent. Chores? We split chores. Protecting the home? She trusts me to protect the house and, to the extent that she is comfortable, I support her in learning how to protect our house as well.

I am the primary provider and protector of our home, but I will also do anything I can to support her in her confidence in being able to provide for our family and protect it as well.

 

Depends on their temperament type.

 

What do you mean? If a bad temperament, run for your life. A good one? 1. Maybe she truly does not need your support but may enjoy your contribution. 2. Yes, you'll provide that kind of support or 3. Live like John Kerry. Find a rich woman to support you. Can't think of another good option off hand.

 

She was a lot more than impossible to ignore. She was extreme and probably more devious than most. But slowly I began to see the same behavior in women all around me; in my family and in the media. My wife was just an amplified version of a much wider problem. Eventually I came to understand that the only reason I married her, was because the women in my family made her seem perfectly normal. My mother was a very strong, dominating woman who was all about the women's rights movement, back in the 60s and 70s. I admired her but she was also abusive. And she treated my father like crap. She was very disrespectful towards men, as are my sisters and aunts, and my friend's wives.

A lot of men just give up and tolerate the abuse rather than constantly having to fight a war. As for me, my ex was impossible. There was no reasoning with her. She just got more and more abusive and irrational. But I had my office over 300 feet from the house. That became my refuge.