Your child says I'm gay. What do you do?

Where in the Bible? I googled before asking you but didn't find anything.

 

Keep on googling.....

 

No thanks. Google is pretty reliable, and I didn't find anything the first time. I think you confused the "sins of the fathers" verses and aren't able to admit it.

 

No i did not chose that attitude it is how I feel. In 7th grade when others were starting to date i was not interested in guys. I was asked out and tried a few times. I saw the futility in it and decided to date and be with who I felt drawn to. That is a female. I have never looked back and am very happy with my wife. I was open minded until I knew for certain that my attraction is for women. Men do nothing for me in the sense of the sexual.

 

neither of my children have been gay, however if they were, I would be glad that they could tell me. I have known people who haven't been able to do tell their parents, and felt they had to live a lie.

I would also hope, as you do with straight children, that they find someone who they can share their lives with, and who will always be there for them. I would hope that someone is a person that the rest of the family can get on with as well, because they would be family and I hate having awkwardness and conflict in the family.

Any choices they make will be there own, but as a mother I have always been there for my children if they wanted me to be - and their sexuality wouldn't make any difference.

I guess I might think about whether or not they might have children - and that would be up to them - and I would support them in whatever decision they made.

 

You failed to mention how old the child is. I had a friend whose son, just turned 14, announced he was gay. That got the predictable results, Crying, confusion, panic.

How I reacted would depend on how I evaluated the statement.

A gay woman worked for the city government where I worked and was having problems with co-workers. The HR people said the police department was the most accepting of gays and asked I would hire the woman. I did and life went on. A year later someone was taking up a collection to buy a wedding present for the woman.

"OH, are she and Betty having a ceremony?"
"Nah, she's marrying Chuck. She decided she's not gay any more."

Okay. For me, it's all a lot more confusing, and flexible, than it is for demagogues and ideaologues on both sides of the issue.

 

If a child has the strength required to come out they have trust. It sounds as if your children would trust you. Acceptance is what they need. Seeking a partner we all hope no matter what orientation our child is that the partner will be a good one.

 

My idea with not mentioning an age was to allow the respondent to fill in that gap. I would think the earliest anyone would come out might be around twelve.
My suggestion is that Betty may well be bisexual and followed the same sex leading for a time. I think that happens more than people know. I think it is also possible for a bisexual to fall in love with a person of either gender and form a happy relationship based on either sexuality.
I have run into a few people who have gone the other direction after starting one way. Those that said anything believed as I do that they are bisexual.

 

Sounds wonderful. I'm actually a little jealous. Glad that turned out so well.

Of course, you have plainly stated that you would have murdered them if they had been gay, so I can't say I can credit any of their success to your parenting skills.

 

At least you can be happy knowing that you didn't have to deal with 'knowing' any of them being homosexual (even if they probably would never tell you that they were). Sorry to tell you, that "Christian" and married with children and/or being "manly"... is not necessarily equal to being "heterosexual".

Based upon what you are sharing here, and I myself being 1 of 3 sons... I would tell you ANYTHING about me being 'homosexual'. I'd cover it VERY carefully; you'd most likely never know about that.

 

At least you can be happy knowing that you didn't have to deal with 'knowing' any of them are homosexual (they probably would never tell you that they were). Sorry to tell you, that "Christian" and married with children and/or being "manly"... does not necessarily equate to being "heterosexual".

Based upon what you are sharing here, your mindset and attitude (and I myself being 1 of 3 sons)... I would NOT tell you ANYTHING about me being 'homosexual'. I'd cover it VERY carefully; you'd most likely never know about that. And if you do not think that a male child would hide something like that (in any way possible), then you don't know much about the human condition.

 

Agreed. I would add however if this is a true child under 18 it would be derelict of the parent to not inquire why they feel they are gay and whom else they might have talked to about this. One of my family members had 3 master degrees, 2 in psychotherapy and one in body language with 20+ years experiencing and teaching it.

He once told me of the homosexual clients he has seen over his decades as a therapist (and not for homosexuality but a host of other reasons for coming to therapy) , only one did not report sexual or verbal abuse by a role model or family member. Some simply report mental abuse by parents, often strict religious parents. Sorry but it is the ugly truth. Not all homosexuals are abused but many many are and it is extremely important to discover that truth as a parent and help the child through it if it did occur.

 

To understand what your trying to say....You reply has to be read backwards.

Much like our nations condition....going backwards.

 

To understand that YOU are wrong, you need to accept that it is yourself looking and going backwards. You ignore reality, then expect others to follow suit. Please, get real man.

No, only the extreme and intransigent idiots (who only wish to have THEIR way), see it like that. If we don't learn to reason and compromise more effectively than we've seen of late, we'll do far worse than 'going backwards'.

 

what can you do? i mean other than stand by your child and support him or her and help them the best you can you arent gonna change their mind. i mean i would only be a lil disappointed because id like to see my kids grow up and have a family "naturally" and make me some grand kids, but i would not love my child any less if they were gay.

 

I insist that all homosexuals repent their leftism. Once that is done they are welcome back in the family. Until that happens they are the worst thing in the world, i.e., leftists.

 

Generalize much?

 

I'm neither "confussed" nor "dimented"... (whatever those words may mean).

It's as clear as YOU not knowing what you're talking about.

You go on believing you've got it all correct; be happy then.

 

Well at least your open about it. Case proven....Try too understant this. You and your type, simply cannot understand the normality of life.

Sad but very true.

 

I'm honest about everything here; including the reality that you need to use real English words/language when you express yourself.

You've proven only that you have an opinion on things; so be it. (And remember what I said about using 'real' words.) LOL!!

Your adamantly expressed, irrational animus toward homosexuals and others in-general... detracts significantly from the normality of life which all people experience.

I know, ain't it?

 

You hardly qualify as "normal civilization," and what you do or do not appreciate doesn't matter. I don't appreciate you saying that you would murder your children if they were gay, but you are free to say it. In fact, I'd prefer that bigots speak their mind. Getting ignorance out into the open is a good thing.

Even if that were the goal, you are not the "norm," so your acceptance does not matter.

Most of us don't care. A few "deseased" and "un-normal" religious crackpots care, thought their "breed" is far less desired in "civilized society" than homosexuals are.

And your type need to keep showing yourselves for what you are.

You have been an open apologist for the KKK and you have openly said that you would murder your children if they were gay. You have a lot of weird beliefs, but if you believe that you represent normalcy, that pretty much out-weirds anything else you've got.

 

If my son or daughter felt the need to tell me his or her sexual preference, my only question would by why they found it necessary to do so. Their sexuality is as much my business as mine is theirs. If they are safe, healthy and happy, my job is done. Whether or not I promote their sexual preferences is irrelevant with respect to my offspring.

 

so your son or daughter introduces you to their same sex partner and tells you they want to get married.

what do you do then?

 

Quite simply....congratulate him or her. Marriage is much more than a declaration of sexuality in my view.

 

I think the answer to OP is obvious, pat your child on the back, tell him that your proud that he's honest with himself and carry on your relationship. It's his choice (or not, I reaallly don't like getting into the is being gay a choice or not debate) of how to live so why wouldn't you support it if it's going to make your son or daughter happy?