Does anyone exist who is not damaged....?

I would take your argument a bit further actually. I don't think it is so much jumping in too soon or whatever. It the number of choices we are all given through social media.

You log onto Facebook everyday and see happy couples expressing their love to each other and such. You only see the good, you only see what they want you to see, they typically don't show you the constant unrelenting bull(*)(*)(*)(*) they deal with. You don't see the bull(*)(*)(*)(*) he has to put up with for a weekly lay. Then you have the subtle flirtation of liking pictures. You have the means to secretly talk to someone without anyone knowing. Everyone (especially women because men are the ones who are taught to pursue) is given many choices, many plan B's, many grass is greener on the other sides.

Think about a cell phone. You carry your cell phone with you everyday, you look at it dozens of times a day, and you loose your mind if you misplace it. But, upgrade time comes around, and you toss that phone to the side like you don't even know what it is to obtain the better phone. The argument I make compares relationships, a boyfriend, to the phone. Sure, while she has you she can't live without you, but the moment an upgrade is available, you are thrown away.

I am fairly convinced that long term relationships are and will continue to be a rarity with my generation. Everyone has ADD and have no reason to make commitments to anyone for any reason. Unless of course, instant gratification can be accomplished. So why not just focus getting her in bed before she looses interest, and carry on with life without the constant unrelenting bull(*)(*)(*)(*)?

 

Ok - glad to hear you don't want to be part of the dog-eat-dog world.

Sure, there's people who seems to be on the earth just to take advantage of others and after awhile, they're easy to spot. The person being taken advantage of does something about it or they don't... it's up to them if they want to continue being used.

The way I see it - in a good relationship of any kind, there's 'give and take' on both sides. Both are there for each other. When one needs a helping hand or favor, the other is always there to help wherever they can and if a favor asked will put the other at a disadvantage, that person should be able to say 'no' and explain why and it shouldn't effect their friendship...... if it does, then something was wrong w/the friendship in the first place.

 

A lot of truth to what you said here and certainly true that people have to work at keeping a relationship happy & healthy.... I think particularly in a marriage where the 2 are more inclined to take each other for granted as time slips by.....

 

It could be that you are choosing women who will not (or cannot) commit whether it be a conscious decision on your part or not. Yes, we all have issues but sanity and maturity come about in how we handle these adversities. I believe women today (especially younger women) have a greater potential to be confused about their femininity because feminism has taught them that they can be 'just like men' in every way and any other personal issues they have are just exacerbated.

 

To quote Pink Floyd, "hanging on in quiet desperation is the English way."

 

Or she's making fancy excuses to dump you.

 

Upgrade. That's actually an interesting point.

For generations up until the most recent ones, socially men and women were not free to "upgrade." People got married much earlier and mostly stuck with what they had. Upgrading willy nilly wasn't available or even socially acceptable. Now, we live in an age in which thanks to social media, an upgrade is always a swipe or two away. And of course its' perfectly socially acceptable now for people to move in and out of relationships. So the combination of social media and social freedom may make long term commitments rarer and rarer.



Just speculation, I don't know.

 

ok, so its a combination of fairy tales (including facebook fairy tales) and applying the idea of built in obsolescence to people as well as to things. I agree.

however maybe if you identify that as an issue, it would be good to discuss that and determine the other persons values at the outset.

commonality of values is far more important in relationships than shared interests, and there are no doubt many people who feel the same way about how relationships have become disposable items, with a new and better one always available off the internet. Nobody likes to feel used.

 

I do not believe that most people my age (25) can claim to have values and stay committed to those values. So determining values on today may not actually matter next week.

Values/commitments/beliefs tend to bend and drift with whatever is most convenient at the time.

- - - Updated - - -

Exactly.

 

For someone who 'doesn't know', you did a good job of speculating and hit it on the head.....

 

Well..... what you said here screams volumes and you're exactly right. If a person has no set values, no core beliefs, they just kinda flounder around, not really knowing what they want in life or how to achieve it.......

You said it well and you're honest......

 

Humans are not perishable like canned goods { can be damaged in shipping or
have expiration dates }. Humans are not meat from the butcher shop that will spoil, given time. There is in a Humans time on earth what is known as the Human Condition.
A learning process.First comes puberty then a coming of age.Humans are not
chopped liver.They grow as they age.Or should.
But then there is also the notion of BAGGAGE.Usually applied to the female sex.
When they have too much on their plate.Too many boyfriends or previous
marriages and Kids.It makes them unattractive to prospective suitors.
Who wants others leftovers.People want new and fresh and unused.
However keep in mind that some of the best pets are those found in Humane
shelters.Pets that have been abused.pets that are very thankfull for a kind and
compassionate new owner.
Should remind one of their teenage years.When the boys down the block like to
call certain girls ... Dogs.
Sometimes those dogs turn out to be really fine lassies.
Woof woof

 

It has been known that Women posess the power of Beauty.That their beauty has
been known to topple great men and even dynasties.

" Nature has given hearts to bulls,hoofs to horses,swiftness to hares,the power
of swimming to fishes,of flying to birds, understanding to men.She had nothing more
for women save beauty.Beauty is proof against spears and shields.She that is beautiful
is more formidable than fire and iron. "
-- Anacreon { Greek lyric poet } c.568-478 B.C.

 

I was raised to make a decision and stick with it. I know more flaky people than dependable people.

 

I'm sure many other people do too.....

Well, don't agree w/your parents advice while you were growing up b/c not only kids, but young adults - even old adults - can often make the wrong decision and if they realize it, then they need to make changes, hopefully for the better..... life is full of making choices and people can often get it wrong until they finally get it right.

Call it human nature......

 

Then they are not truly 'Values/commitments/beliefs'....

 

Sticktoitiveness or the most important quality one will find in a true leader.
Like in the case of Ernest Shackleton { one of the Worlds most important
heroic explorer's }.Through dogged perserverance and an iron will he managed
to do the near impossible.Which meant he was able to save his stranded crew
that were awaiting his valiant effort to cross the ocean from their stranded point on
Elephant Isle, 800 some miles to the nearest inhabitable little island known as S.Georgia.
Even after making the historic sea voyage on a small wooden boat just 22 ft. long
he had to traverse diabolitical crevasse and mountain ranges that were like hell
of Earth,only frozen solid.It was his indominable spirit and never say Die attitude that
ended up rescuing his stranded crew.
" We have reached the naked soul of man. " -- E. Shackleton

 

Then they simply do not possess them.

 

Well...I'd say they don't posses the values/commitments/beliefs you expect. Which is not necessarily a bad reflection on you.

 

The Issue, is that not every relationship is meant to be forever. It is basically a test run, if it is meant to be trust me it will go very smoothly. On the other hand "issues" are typically code for your not the right person for me. If you accept that, you will be happier.

 

Thanks, but not being in the dating pool, I hesitate to offer observations that may have been true 20 years ago, but now may no longer apply....unless I qualify it.

 

Actually, I don't think there is any relationship that is meant to be forever. Making it forever takes work.

I mean, there is really no such thing as soul mates. That's for poets and rom-coms.

 

Your an Athiest I take it, so you cannot understand such things as Love and Soul mates.

 

Yeah, there is such a thing as soul-mates, couples who were meant to be together, like forever and yes, any loving relationship takes work on both sides......

 

I disagree. I don't think there is such a thing as love at first sight, but I do believe that people can have soul mates. It takes a lot of work and a good partner to be soulmates.