Is my cat ruining my marriage?

A cat's claws can destroy an eye permanently and cause cat-scratch fever. It is not a minor infection:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cat-scratch_disease

Blinded by cat scratch fever:
Cat Scratch Disease Can Cause Blindness
https://www.libertyvision.net/2015/06/15/cat-scratch-disease-can-cause-blindness/

40% of cats will carry the bacteria at some point. Eliminating claws mostly reduces the risk, but if a cat with it licks a person's eye, that also can spread the bacteria and blind the person - so there is SOME risk even if claws removed. Of course, MILLIONS, tens of millions of households with children have cats.

Would you be willing to have the cat's front claws removed? Basically they remove the front knuckle and the cat forever after may ONLY be a house cat. ALSO, you didn't say if the cat is strictly an indoor cat or not. An outdoor cat greatly increases the risks.

Is there someone who could keep the cat for 6 months or so?

 

Yeah, so have I. And like I said, I made excuses for my abusive ex wife for twenty years. It honestly never occurred to me that she was gaslighting me. I thought she loved me. I thought I just couldn't see things from her side.

 

Lucky you. I bet someone can claim they had unsafe sex with hundreds of people and never got an STD too.

 

The REAL problem is his "not talking for days" pouty crap. That's miserable and she needs to really rethink digging in deeper into the marriage. It will get worse.

 

I grew up with a cat in the house and so did my kids. It did me and them absolutely no harm whatsoever.

I think his request is unreasonable, and he seems to be oblivious to your feelings for your furry friend. Has this guy never connected with an animal? It is perfectly normal to make a very strong connection between you and your pet.

You have to say no. He has to accept that answer. If you give up the cat, you'll resent him forever for it.

A compromise could be that when your cat passes away of old age, you won't get another one.

This guy is mine, keeping me company at my desk.

 

I've heard that pregnant women should not clean litter box but never heard of any health risks of owning a cat regarding children (until this thread that is). It sounds like he maybe genuinely worried about your child. Can you and he discuss t he risks with your doctor ? That puts an objective person in the picture.

 

If you ensure that the cat doesn't have fleas, you're good.

Catch scratch fever is rare and only generally dangerous to people who are HIV positive or who otherwise have a compromised immune system.

https://www.cbsnews.com/news/cat-scratch-disease-cdc-warning/

Food poisoning is 650 times more likely to land you in the hospital.

https://wwwnc.cdc.gov/eid/article/5/5/99-0502_article

 

Man, thats rough. I find it far more worrying that hes making such a big deal out of it than any health concerns of a cat affecting a baby...

Maybe you guys just arent communicating effectively (this is an extremely common problem). Seek out a counselor. Not necessarily a 'professional' (though that would be best if you can afford it) but any impartial/neutral third party who might be better able to help you guys communicate and find a better solution than dumping the cat. Large churches often offer this sort of service for free (in the hopes that you'll join the congregation, of course, but theres no obligation). Other organizations likely do as well. This sort of conflict resolution will likely help the two of you communicate and understand eachother better in the future regardless of the outcome of this situation as well.

Also, consider making the cat an outdoor cat, with a transitional period where skipper progressively spends more and more time outside until shes comfortable out there. Cats are meant to be outside anyway

 

Having pets with children helps their immune systems and social development. Maybe your husband just doesn't like the cat and doesn't want to handle a pet and a baby at the same time?
https://www.famifi.com/29477/should-you-have-pets-and-newborn-babies-in-the-same-house

 

Declawing a cat is like amputating a human's fingers--a really horrible thing to do to any decent cat. Additionally, it ruins the cat as a controller of vermin, which can be a much greater infection concern.

We had two cats well prior to having our children, and did have some concerns regarding how they might behave with a small infant if not being observed; we kept the nursery area closed off from the cats and purchased a portable sleeper/playpen with screen-like mesh for sides and a removable top also with see-through mesh to place over it to use in other areas of the house,and kept it covered when the baby was alone in those areas. This was foldable and portable and gave insect protection for outdoor use as well.

Even allergy problems can be minimized by keeping the cat brushed and using special cat wipes.

Possibly your husband feels your affection for the cat will
cause you to not be sufficiently protective of his new child; IMO reassuring him about that would better help the situation than minimizing his concerns. Additionally, you need to keep the cat's claws trimmed until the child is old enough to know how to treat a cat properly--and find some way to make your hubby OK with having to clean the cat's litter box while you are expecting,

If the real issue is that hubby is jealous of anything else you have affection for this will probably extend to a child as well, and he might benefit from some counseling. You could try asking him if abandoning the cat would actually make him feel you could just as easily abandon him?

 

Dude is wanting to control her. He is starting out small. Like...a cat. Once she does his bidding...then he will move on to something else she must get rid of. Like..her friends. They are "bad" for her. After that, then maybe her mom. Or her sister. Or her dad. This is how they work. They remove everything loved so they can be the sole focus. He will reward her with other things...material things that don't compete with his control of her life. She is going to have a baby. That is his main control button for now and he WILL use it later on....just as he is with the cat.

Get rid of him. Keep the cat.

 

If it was easy to get cat scratch fever, I would have had it long ago.

There is a concern but the statistics speak for themselves. 500 people a year land in hospitals from CSF. That is 0.00017%. And no deaths were listed. You are far more likely to end up in the hospital by eating fresh vegetables.

Keep the cats flea free and you're good to go.

 

What is more important on this Earth?

Cats?

Or people?

(The answer is definitely cats !!)

 

Research toxoplasmosis, and then decide what's more important--your unborn baby or your cat. No-brainer to me. At the least, you need to get somebody to foster your cat while you are pregnant. I know growing up we fostered some of my parent's friends cats because of her pregnancy. At the least be vigilant and get tested for it.

https://www.cdc.gov/parasites/toxoplasmosis/epi.html

http://americanpregnancy.org/pregnancy-complications/toxoplasmosis/

 

CSF isn't the danger of cats to pregnant humans. Toxoplasmosis is.

 

If she does it ungrudgingly, there won't be anything to forgive.

You figure a guy like that will be less resentful if she keeps the cat?

If he's a control freak from skin to marrow, her problem began when she married him; and if she consents to engage in a battle of wills with such a person, she'll have a bigger problem yet. But if he isn't, adopting a "my way or the highway" attitude will create a problem.

Amazing how people are able to make such a definitive diagnosis, knowing practically nothing of what's going on in that household, and that little from only one party.

"Mommy, what happend to Daddy?"

"He didn't like my cat, so I had to dump him."

I marvel that people feel justified in offering such grossly irresponsible advice.

 

i know of lots of couples who had a cat before the baby.

wasnt a problem at all.

sounds like the guy is crazy or hates cats

 

Ditto about a cat on my lap while at my computer.

She's an old girl, had been abandoned outdoors with no front claws - a death sentence. She was laying on our sidewalk to our front door - so starved and motionless we thought she was dead. Also clearly had been abused - wouldn't let us touch her and any hand over her and she'd freak out. It took almost 3 years for her to fully warm up to me - her even older still - and now lays with me or just sits and stares at me for hours.

We have 5 cats - though not all at the same location - all rescues. The rest starving kittens we heard crying in the dark. Only when so starved they could barely walk could we ever catch them in the woods.

Cats are sort of worthless pets really, but easy to care for and lovable anyway. Our latest rescue looks much like yours - but he's young and a real fireball of activity - super smart and trainable too.

FACT: Virtually no decent person will give up a pet they've bonded to.

 

What kind of man marries a woman who has a cat and then rejects that same woman years later due to pregnancy and the possibility of cat being around infant?

 

We have 3 cats who are declawed (front claws only) and 2 not declawed. All are fixed (sterile).

Of the 3 declawed, we had this done to two as young kittens. One is an older rescue cat - abused, starved and put outdoors without front claws - which is a death sentence. A declawed cat has to be permanently confined to indoors unless lease trained as otherwise it just too dangerous.

The ethics of declawing? It is the ethical decision between declawing and death because abandoning at cat to a shelter is a death sentence - and around here thinking it can live in the wild also is a death sentence due to the predators, all the forms of worms, and more.

We find most rescues a good home. For such as the old declawed cat we did not even pretend anyone would take her - and her so afraid of people it wouldn't work. It took over 1 year of patience before we could even touch her. Another year to warm us to us - and as she gets older and her health turning frail she is getting "needy" for attention and assurance. She will have NOTHING to do with our other cats.

If the 2 cats had claws we could not keep them. Claws are just too destructive to property and too dangerous in some other regards such as other animals.

Which is worse? Declawed but a wonderful home - or put to death in an animal shelter. It is pick one.

 

I heard yesterday that a white cat has been spotted at work in the skip, looks starving. Got my cat basket going to try and catch it today. My other cat is not going to be happy but what are you going to do?

 

Claws are part of having a cat!
And a water pistol works better than screaming or hitting. Wise words.

I'm happy when I teach them not to break skin.
Which I do pretty well.
If one does break skin, I behave hurt, whimper, withdraw, holding the wound
and pretend lick it because I want some blood for them to see.
Pretty soon they learn the strength of skin and don't break it.
Likewise biting becoming too hard.
Moi's method.

 

Then he's still a total jerk. Marriage is not about The Triumph of the Will. Look that title up and tell me if you want to be married to that type of person

 

There is no family until the baby is born, Abort the kid and count herself lucky she found out she was about to be imprisoned by a controlling *******.

 

I find it far more irresponsible to say that people should lock themselves into relationships that are far worse than most prison sentences. If she lets this ******* get away with sending away an animal she loves it will be no more than a year before he is beating her for not having his dinner ready when he comes home drunk.

What if the child is handicapped and he finds that too bothersome? Should she put it up for adoption, institutionalize it, or just expose it on a hillside somewhere?