Jesus' wife....

Discussion in 'Religion & Philosophy' started by gophangover, Sep 19, 2012.

  1. TBryant

    TBryant Well-Known Member Past Donor

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    This really means nothing.

    Give it time before you get too excited. Remember the apostle of Judas? People wrote a lot of crazy sh*t , and every now and then someone digs it up.

    Relax.
     
  2. The Wyrd of Gawd

    The Wyrd of Gawd Well-Known Member

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    Jesus was supposed to have been indigent without any assets at all. He sponged off of his rich friends, especially rich women. If he had a wife his rich buddies would have had to take care of her as well. They might have drawn the line at that. He was most likely an eunuch. He was a big fan of self mutilation. It was supposed to keep one from sinning.

    If Jesus had a wife she wasn't a normal women. He was always zooming all over the place as a vagabond. He hung out with a large gang of guys all day and all night. Rich women were always giving him stuff. I think she would have been very jealous and unhappy with him.
     
  3. MAYTAG

    MAYTAG Active Member

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    Your version seems to have altered the verse to make it LESS obvious that Jesus cut off His own junk.

    Matthew 19:12 KJV

    For there are some eunuchs, which were so born from their mother's womb: and there are some eunuchs, which were made eunuchs of men: and there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake. He that is able to receive it, let him receive it.

    Jesus seems to be speaking about you in the last sentence of that verse, because you seemed to have interpreted the verse exactly as Jesus intended. I bet the disciples didn't figure out right away that Jesus cut off His junk from that verse. I'll bet they didn't figure that out until they snuck in and stole His dead body out of that tomb. Good call, Wyrd.

    Funny how the newer translations interpret "cutting off my weiner" as "choosing not to marry." Boy, how times change.
     
  4. prospect

    prospect New Member

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    2135 eunoúxos – properly, "alone in bed" (i.e. without a marriage partner) – literally, a castrated (emasculated) man; a eunuch; " 'a chamberlain, keeper of the bed-chamber' of an Eastern potentate, 'a eunuch' " (Souter); (figuratively) someone who abstains from marriage (sexual relations) to be solely devoted to God – as in Mt 19:12 where 2135 (eunoúxos) refers to someone who voluntarily chooses a life of sexual abstinence (see also LXX: Est 2:14,15; Is 56:3,4).
     
  5. MAYTAG

    MAYTAG Active Member

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    So the question of whether or not Jesus cut off His own junk is still up for debate.
     
  6. prospect

    prospect New Member

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    I don't think so. Celibacy would have been the proper context.

    At any rate, I seriously doubt Jesus or his disciples castrated themselves.
     
  7. MAYTAG

    MAYTAG Active Member

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    I think we can all agree that the whole bit where Jesus talks about eunuchs is pretty gay. I like the treating people nice part. Don't like the not have sex with women part. Sounds gay to me. Not that there is anything wrong with that... I'm just not gay so I wouldn't want to follow that religion.
     
  8. BFSmith@764

    BFSmith@764 Banned

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    But they were willing to risk being killed by those same people who was responsible for Jesus being crucified. Do you really believe that what you are claiming is true that they would put themselves through what they went through if Jesus did not raised from the dead?
     
  9. MAYTAG

    MAYTAG Active Member

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    I dunno. I heard about these guys who flew these planes into these buildings and they were all about some OTHER guy, not Jesus.

    So I guess theirs must be the true religion, huh?
     
  10. BFSmith@764

    BFSmith@764 Banned

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    If that were true then how come the Jews who were strict on adhering to the law of Moses did not stone Jesus nor did they made that as one of their accusations against Him?......in fact, they had to make false accusations against Jesus in order to get Him crucified. Why did they have to do resort to making false accusation against Jesus if He was saying things that were gay?
     
  11. MAYTAG

    MAYTAG Active Member

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    But then again... I heard about these other guys who would douse themselves with some flammable liquid, sit Indian-style all peaceful like, AND THEN NOT EVEN TWITCH when they set themselves on fire and burned themselves to death.

    I bet the ones in the planes twitched just before they hit the building.

    So I'm going with the Indian style guys as the true religion. So far, they seem the most legit, willing to risk the most.

    YOU KNOW, if we're going by your logic.
     
  12. MAYTAG

    MAYTAG Active Member

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    They tried to stone Him when He was talking all that nonsense about being around before Abraham.

    He ran off like a little girl.
     
  13. prospect

    prospect New Member

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    For the record, I don't agree.

    Not having sex (in the case that you are castrated) doesn't mean that you are having sex with men and not women, it simply means that you are more than likely not having sex with anyone. :)

    Let me ask you, would you tell your daughter (if you have one) that she is gay for being celibate ?
     
  14. prospect

    prospect New Member

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    lol OK, I think you're having fun with us now. I'm pretty sure they didn't like his God-like status.
     
  15. BFSmith@764

    BFSmith@764 Banned

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    But that has nothing to do with gay........you were saying that Jesus' talks about eunuchs was gay. Why did they not stone Him if He was gay or was teaching things that were gay?

    And if it was you you would stand there and let an angry mob beat you to death, right?
     
  16. BFSmith@764

    BFSmith@764 Banned

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    But what he said did not even addressed my question.
     
  17. Durandal

    Durandal Well-Known Member Donor

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    Hm, yeah, it's hard to find more powerful faith than that, innit? The Muslims manage about the same with their suicide attacks, though clearly their way is easier, since it's much quicker - just click *BOOM* -_-

    On the other hand, those monks who have burned themselves alive were harming only themselves. It's a far, far more selfless act. Even Christians have a hard time approaching that.. Especially those who say that they're ready for heaven, but stop short of killing themselves because they still have "God's work" to do. :D

    Anyway, these people are all being quite silly. They all believe in supernatural bunk and devote their lives to it in some fashion. Why not drop the ancient myths and start working for the betterment of humanity, Star Trek-style?
     
  18. BFSmith@764

    BFSmith@764 Banned

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    It's interesting that the ones that claim the Bible is a fabrication are the ones that are making stuff up.
     
  19. prospect

    prospect New Member

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    BFSmith asked MAYTAG

    Neither of these are answers.


    The reason that they aren't answers is because it only matters what they 'Believed'.

    In other words, the planes into buildings,correct,was about their belief "in some other guy."

    BFSmith was hinting logic would follow, that the disciples wouldn't have put themselves through what they went through if they didn't 'Believe' in the resurrection.


    ...and that they wouldn't 'Believe' in the resurrection if they had carried out Jesus' dead body.
     
  20. MAYTAG

    MAYTAG Active Member

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    Your question was about why the Jews didn't try to kill Jesus. I didn't want to be the one to break this to you, that is why I avoided the question.

    But... Jesus is dead. They got Him. Hanged Him on a cross. I'm sorry for your loss.
     
  21. Pgraphicx

    Pgraphicx New Member

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    Why it is an issue, first the note only mentions the word wife, it does not prove Jesus had one. If he did what is the big deal. The bible never said he was married or not. This is someone's 15 minutes of fame. Jesus was human so what is the big deal. If he had a boy friend that might be a big deal.
     
  22. MAYTAG

    MAYTAG Active Member

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    There were entire sects of early Christianity which did not believe in the resurrection. Maybe they were wrong, but their existence proves that the resurrection was not a necessary component of the story to motivate followers of Jesus.
     
  23. BFSmith@764

    BFSmith@764 Banned

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    Did the apostles deny the resurrection? Those who were saying that there is no resurrection are the same ones that had to be corrected that if there is no resurrection that their faith is in vain......these were not those who were eye witness and saw Jesus alive after He was buried. So you are dodging my question.

    1 Corinthians 15:12-19 (ASV)
    12 Now if Christ is preached that he hath been raised from the dead, how say some among you that there is no resurrection of the dead?
    13 But if there is no resurrection of the dead, neither hath Christ been raised:
    14 and if Christ hath not been raised, then is our preaching vain, your faith also is vain.
    15 Yea, we are found false witnesses of God; because we witnessed of God that he raised up Christ: whom he raised not up, if so be that the dead are not raised.
    16 For if the dead are not raised, neither hath Christ been raised:
    17 and if Christ hath not been raised, your faith is vain; ye are yet in your sins.
    18 Then they also that are fallen asleep in Christ have perished.
    19 If we have only hoped in Christ in this life, we are of all men most pitiable.

    No doubt that after that letter from Paul they realize the error of their thinking and became a believer in the resurrection.
     
  24. Durandal

    Durandal Well-Known Member Donor

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    Resurrection long before Jesus' time:

    Persistence of the legend of Osiris and the belief in the resurrection.

    The chief gods mentioned in the pyramid texts are identical with those whose names are given on tomb, coffin and papyrus in the latest dynasties; and if the names of the great cosmic gods, such as Ptah and Khnemu, are of rare occurrence, it should be remembered that the gods of the dead must naturally occupy the chief place in this literature which concerns the dead. Furthermore, we find that the doctrine of eternal life and of the resurrection of a glorified or transformed body, based upon the ancient story of the resurrection of Osiris after a cruel death and horrible mutilation, inflicted by the powers of evil, was the same in all periods, and that the legends of the most ancient times were accepted without material alteration or addition in the texts of the later dynasties.


    ...

    Later in the XVIIIth, or early in the XIXth dynasty, we find Osiris called "the king of eternity, the lord of everlastingness, who traverseth millions of years in the duration of his life, the firstborn son of the womb of Nut, begotten of Seb, the prince of gods and men, the god of gods, the king of kings, the lord of lords, the prince of princes, the governor of the world, from the womb of Nut, whose existence is for everlasting, Unnefer of many forms and of many attributes, Tmu in Annu, the lord of Akert, the only one, the lord of the land on each side of the celestial Nile."

    In the XXVIth dynasty and later there grew up a class of literature represented by such works as "The Book of Respirations," "The Lamentations of Isis and Nephthys," "The Festival Songs of Isis and Nephthys," "The Litanies of Seker," and the like, the hymns and prayers of which are addressed to Osiris rather as the god of the dead and type of the resurrection than as the successor of the great cosmic god Tmu-Ra. He is called "the soul that liveth again," "the being who becometh a child again," "the firstborn son of unformed matter, the lord of multitudes of aspects and forms, the lord of time and bestower of years, the lord of life for all eternity." He is the "giver of life from the beginning;" "life springs up to us from his destruction," and the germ which proceeds from him engenders life in both the dead and the living.


    - THE LEGEND OF OSIRIS
    http://www.sacred-texts.com/egy/ebod/ebod04.htm
     
  25. BFSmith@764

    BFSmith@764 Banned

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    That does not prove that Jesus did not rise from the dead. One man proven to be a liar does not prove that another man is a liar. Each man must be judged on his own. So you either prove that Jesus did not raise from the dead as those who knew Him and wrote what they saw or hold your peace.
     

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