Apparently, Neil Armstrong used to tell really dumb jokes about the moon. When nobody laughed, he'd say "Ah, I guess you had to be there."
It must be hard to call off sick if you work at a Doctor's office. "You're sick? Well, come on in and we'll take a look at you."
If I could get a time machine I'd go back to the days of the dinosaurs and bury a dog holding a bow and arrow and wearing a crown. Imaging archaeologists trying to explain THAT?
Big Foot actually does exist and I can prove it. While walking in the woods a while back I got him to take a photo of me.
My buddy bought a six foot dining table with matching chairs off eBay. He doesn't like it, though, because now his head practically touches the ceiling when he eats.
A blonde kidnaps a little boy and writes a ransom note, "I've kidnapped your little boy. To ransom him, please put $10,000 in a basket and put the basket under the bench in the center of the park." Then she pins the ransom note to the back of the boy's shirt and sends him home. The next day, she goes to the park and sure enough, the money is there in a basket under the park bench. Also in the basket is a note, "How could you do this to another blonde!"
That's called a palindrome, not that I'd ever imply that Sarah Palin makes the same amount of sense as she would if she talked backwards. The most famous palindrome is, "A man, a plan, a canal, Panama!"
When I was waiting to vote a few months ago, a blonde next to me told me this one...... If the wheels come off of your snowboard, how many pancakes does it take to cover a doghouse?...pink ice cream. I told it to another blonde, and she said, "Oh that's cute, I get it."
I was pushing my elderly mother-in-law through the grocery store and she suddenly said "Do you see Tom Jones over there? I remember when I threw my panties at him." I looked up and was surprised to see Tom Jones was, in fact, walking towards us. "Hey Tom," I said. "Ma said she remembers when she threw her panties at you." "Was that her?" he laughed. "It was just now, back by the milk and eggs. Does she want them back?"
While walking through the forest a beautiful blond is stopped by two men who proceed to take her jewlery. Suddenly, an avenging figure wearing a mask and a flowing black cape jumps out from behind a tree and engages the two men in a violent sword fight and he sucessfully chases the two theives off. The woman is so very grateful and thinks she might be in love with her rescuer. "I hope, madam, you never forget who rescued you," said the man as he used his sword to draw a huge "Z" on a tree trunk. "I never will forget," says the woman. "Thank you! Oh, thank you, Superman!"
Mitt Romney killed all the chickens on his farm yesterday, because they all just kept saying, "Barak, Barak, Barak!" A fish in a lake saw a fly flying over, and thought to himself that if the fly dropped down six inches he could jump up and get the fly. And there was a fisherman on the bank eating a sandwich and saw the fish, and thought that when that fish went after the fly he was gonna catch that fish. And there was a mouse that saw the fisherman, and thought to himself that when the fisherman went after the fish he was gonna drop that sandwich, and the mouse was gonna get the sandwich. But there was a cat that saw the mouse and thought to himself that when the mouse went after the sandwich, he would get the mouse. Well, the fly dropped six inches, the fish jumped for the fly, the fisherman dropped his sandwich and went after the fish, the mouse went after the sandwich, and the cat went after the mouse, but missed, and fell in the lake. And the moral of the story is, ....when a fly drops six inches, a puzzy gets wet.
Throughout the entire history of mankind, with all the different tools and inventions to eat rice with, how did two sticks win?
I'm headed home from work and just got stopped for texting while driving. LOL! What a waste of police time. Don't these cops have anything better t
( Vith apologies to Jack Napier and the whole PoliticalForum cast of "Springtime for Hitler") Pope Adolf resigned because he vas promoted! Ex-pope Adolf and ex-governor Schwartzenegger vill lead Germany to victory in the next Vorld Var, vhich vill be the first vorld var that counts. Those other vars, they vere only pre-season. Germans are the most compassionate people in the vorld. Ve felt sorry for you people, so ve let you vin a couple of practice vars. If you vant to learn the truth about history, you von't find in on TV, radio, or in print. You can only find the truth about history on the Internet!
It's how society works. People have a need to be included so they will do just about anything to fit in, eat with sticks, eat with their right hand and wipe with their left, dismember body parts, poke holes where none should be, vote republican and democrat, kill the infidels, and believe in God or Gods. Uhhh...what was I talking about? Oh yea how incredibly stupid people can become driven by the need to belong!
It's all funny and cool when girls throw their underwear at bands while they're playing on stage, but I do it just one time......
If you want to play Russian roulette with your own life do it in a nice concrete basement where nobody can get hit by the shrapnel.
Senator Edward Kennedy and his intern, Mary Jo Kopechne, were in his car, proceeding with great vigor and exploring new frontiers. "Teddy, Teddy!" panted Mary Jo, "What if I get pregnant?" "Ah, don't worry about that now, Mary Jo," answered the Senator, "We shall cross that bridge when we come to it."
Its a mystery no more ! 1947 - A Significant Year Hope this gives you a little chuckle. Some of you will recall that on July 8, 1947, a little more than 65 years ago, numerous witnesses claim that an unidentified flying object with 5 aliens aboard crashed on to a sheep and mule ranch just outside Roswell New Mexico . This is a well known incident that many say has long been covered up by the United States Air Force as well as other federal agencies and organizations. However, what you may not know is that in the month of April, year 1948 nine months after the historic day the following people were born: Barack Obama Sr., Albert A Gore Jr. , Hillary Rodham Clinton, William J Clinton , John Kerry, Howard Dean, Nancy Pelosi, Dianne Feinstein, Charles E Schumer, Barbara Boxer, and Joe Biden. This is the consequences of aliens breeding with sheep and jackasses. I truly hope this bit of information clears up a lot of things for you. It certainly did for me. And now you can stop wondering why they support the bill to help ALL illegal aliens.
