My Second Life and other Secrets

Lusting over a married woman is just f’n wrong.

 

But it happens. Urges are primordial. The ancients were lustful people, but they regarded what we call "love" as a form of mental illness, like we look on OCD or narcissism. It wasn't until troubadours invented romance in the 12th century that the emotion of desperately wanting just one woman and no other became entirely acceptable

 

*dead*

 

Actually, she didn't come along until I was already on the road to recovery. If you read about the early days, right after I almost committed suicide, it was the sex. I didn't even know it. But living a sexless, loveless life, in a failed marriage, was killing me - slowly but surely. It was only after leaving my ex and heading to Reno for a weekend with two young hotties, that I realized I wanted to get up in the morning. I thought I was just getting laid by a couple of high-priced escorts. But in fact, that weekend sparked my will to live again. I went there almost thinking of it as an ending. I thought I might die or get arrested. I didn't care. I was going to have sex with some hot women before hanging it up. I had no idea what to expect. But that was the beginning of my road to recovery.

NEVER saw that one coming. I only understood what had happened in retrospect. And then Number One came along and gave me more joy than I had ever known, for the best three years of my life.

 

For the first six months, I lived in denial. I kept telling myself that it was just an infatuation. She was way too young. There is no way I'm REALLY in love with her. And I didn't want to scare her off. So I did my best to hide my feelings, and deny them.

Then, on a dark and stormy night, as we sat by the fire eating our dinner in a very fine hotel, or maybe it was breakfast...I went to say "I feel closer to you every time I see you". But what came out of my mouth, much to my shock and dismay, was, "I fall more in love with you every time I see you".

We both froze. I don't know who was more shocked, her, or me! But she was so incredibly sweet about it. She came over, took me by the hand, and led me over to the bed, where we both sat down. In a voice so sweet, as if an angel. and with such compassion, she held my hand and said, "Now you know I'm not in love with you. Right?" I laughed and said yes, I know.

At that point there was no denying it. My Freudian slip had washed away any pretense or denial. I was not only in love with her, I was madly, passionately, desperately in love with her. But we learned to accept things as they were and enjoy each other. And 12 months later, she said she loved me too, as she wept.

 

People have a lot of funny ideas about how these relationships work. And they are all over the map. But like all things in life, it is what you make it.

The two most memorable things she ever said to me, were in a three-page letter she had written; which I still have and will never throw out. She said wanted to write a letter so she wouldn't forget anything. Then she read it to me, often with tears flowing. This was at about the 18 month mark. This was when she said she loved me for the first time - the happiest moment of my life. But I already knew that. We had been making love and not just having fun, for about three months. It just meant a lot that she would say it. Then she said something that surprised me. I had never shown her anything but unconditional love. And its true. That is how this really was. And I treat all women equally well.

 

I said I have a crush. That is an involuntary response. I didn't say I'm lusting after her. Getting a rush when she stands close to me is not lust. That is magic. As long as we don't act on that, I don't see a problem. It is what it is. And it is far better than not liking each other.

 

She is married, leave her alone. If she is unhappy in her marriage, hook up after her divorce is final, otherwise, she is forbidden fruit.

 

She is my assistant. We work closely every day. Try reading my posts before commenting.

And stop implying I've said things I never said. That is the same as a lie. Don't lie to me and anyone who reads this, about morality. It is not only dishonest, it is hypocritical.

 

You have posted your desires about her on this very forum. You are lusting over her, you have posted that multiple times while admitting she is married. Maybe you need a new assistant. And remember, if she will cheat on her husband with you, she will cheat on you with someone else.

 

Try either holding back on publishing your fantasies or accept critique will be forthcoming. It is also a bit Ironic that you get upset when someone comments on your extremely unlikely and seemingly fictional "Secret Life" but continue to post it for all to see.

 

I wanted to comment on something that came up in another thread. I was talking about hitting on a gorgeous young woman who works at a local bikini barista stand. OMG the drama from other posters. You'd think I grabbed her in a trumpian manner and ripped off her clothes. I talked with her once to see if she has considered a sugar relationship. She said she wasn't interested. But based on our continued discussions I took one more shot before moving on to find a new sb. Flowers, chocolate, and a $100 tip, with a card thanking her and asking her to let me know if she ever has a change of heart. I told her to wait until I left to open the card. I did this so she didn't feel pressured with me sitting there. Horrible!!!! My god the poor child might be maimed for life!!!

Do young women mind older men hitting on them? I said no. But I meant not the ones who are willing to consider seeing an older man. I guess some women are offended by that. But oh well. I am always respectful. They'll get over it.

Personally, I've never had anyone get mad or act insulted. Some seem surprised or perhaps a little amused, but that goes with the turf. You have to find the ones who are receptive. There are plenty out there and most who aren't open to older men know other women are. Anyone I've ever talked with about this said they knew at least one friend who sees older men. So it seems rare that a woman is shocked. But, plenty of women do complain about the creepers. They often get hit on by a lot of creepy men who don't know how to be respectful.

No guts no glory. One time I walked into a local store and saw this gorgeous young lady, perhaps 23 or 24, whom I had never seen before. She REALLY got my attention. Then I heard her say, Oh god I would LOVE to go to Hawaii!". Out of the blue I said, "I'll take you!". She said, "Are you serious?" I said I sure am. She said, "okay!". We didn't end up clicking but it sure opened the door. She was fine with dating a man my age.

I essentially cemented the relationship with Number One by randomly offering to take her with me while traveling around the world for two years on a contract. I didn't really know her yet either. And that led to the most incredible experience of my life.

No guts no glory.

 

I didn't say anything about a fantasy. I said I have a crush. Stop lying about me. And this is about the tenth time I've had to say that to you.

And I am free to shoot down the ignorant comments as they come. People want to twist what I say to make me the bad guy because that's what they need. Too bad for them. In fact, that is one of the reasons I have this thread - to reveal the truth about a world many people know nothing about.

But I am struck that once again, my life is so incredible that some people have a hard time even believing it. Funny, I have often thought the same thing. If you had told me 10 years ago what the next years would bring, I would have thought you were nuts. I NEVER would have believed it. And THAT'S another reason for this thread. Life can change dramatically if you are will to do what is necessary. I went from holding a gun my head, to a life that some people can't even believe. All it required was a choice and a willingness to do whatever it took.

The part you always seem to leave out is where I've been to hell and back. And the part where I was dying. But I know, you have MS, so that excuses everything.

 

And if anyone thinks this is easy, think again! You can take a real beating doing this. There is a significant percentage of scammers who prey on men my age. There are escorts posing as sugar babies. There are 400 pounds guys sitting on their bed pretending to be a woman and trying to get money from you. LOL! One "woman" told me in her third email that she'll drive to the West Coast and move in with me if I send her money to fix her car. You get false representation, where the person you expect is nothing like the woman who shows up.

I once had a woman who must have been over 300 pounds show up, instead of the hot woman in the profile. I decided to be nice about it. She must be really lonely to pull such an obvious scam. We had met at a nice restaurant so I decided to buy dinner and try to have a nice evening anyway. I wasn't going to date her but we still might have a nice time, right? Hell no! She was rude,distant, ordered the most expensive thing on the menu with dessert, gobbled it down, and then got up and left! I was just sitting there completely stunned. She went to all of this trouble for a nice meal? Well, yes, turns out that is a common scam. That is why you always have a coffee date first. If they insist on a nice dinner for the first date like she did, it is probably a scam.

No show, no shows with rescheduling and no show again, wrong addresses, places that don't exist as a meeting place, not to mention the women who are not what you expected in terms of class or otherwise, the list of bs is nearly endless. But over time I learned to quickly weed out the scammers. The most important thing of all is the coffee date. That eliminates most problems.

Oh yes, and I can't leave out the woman who texted me as I was on my way to pick her up, to tell me she used to be a man. Fasted damned U-turn I ever made in my life!!!

But I took a real beating before I made the coffee date rule absolute; and learned to interpret the profiles. It is a long and difficult learning curve coming in blind like I did.

 

Rather than continue this back and forth diatribe I feel it is unpleasant for both of us, so I request you place me on ignore and I will do the same.

Have A Nice Day

 

So, you are dating other women while still married?
That’s pathetic. Do you have kids? If so then that’s even more pathetic.

If you need to have a secret life then end the current marriage with dignity, pay child support and be there for your kids and then spend your spare time with other women.
Your behavior is unfair to your wife and to your kids (if you have them).

 

No. I told her I wanted a divorce the day after I tried to kill myself. Because when the moment came, for the first time I realized that the real problem was my marriage. All the rest was just noise.

My business was collapsing, I spent years in near total isolation working up to 100 hours a week. My best friend died; another was lost to booze. another was lost to mental illness. My brother was lost to meth. My parents had both died in a fairly short time after years of agony [for my mother]. My health was failing and life was intolerable. I felt like crap every moment of every day. I had no hope. I had no future. I had no life. The list goes on and on. But in the end, it was realizing that my wife had been lying to me and deceiving me for decades, that drove me to put a gun to my head. But after ten years with no sex, one weekend of sex with a couple of hot escorts, and I was like a new man.

You asked a question, didn't wait for an answer, didn't read what I've written, and passed judgment.

No kids. But you provided your own answer again without knowing.

Try reading what I said before leaping to bs conclusions.

Your behavior is to judge with no knowledge. Guess what that makes you? Why do you ask questions and then provide your own answers?

No in the 25 years we were together, I never cheated. But I sure had plenty of opportunities.

 

I thought that by “second life” you meant having affairs on a side.

Some people even manage to have 2 parallel families. That’s what I thought you meant.

Sorry about that.

 

Well if you took the time to read what I've said before making up your own story, you would be way ahead of most people here.

This is what happens when a man bucks the status quo and finds a better life - JUDGE JUDGE JUDGE, even by men. The attitudes of people here are an example of why middle age men are blowing their brains out more than any other age group.

 

The funny thing is that young women generally don't seem bothered by it. The young woman working with me came to know that I see much younger women; women about her age. She couldn't quite figure it out. So she was asking me about it. At some point I said, "So how does a guy like me get all of these hot women?" Well, yes, she replied. So I said "The key is making sure they know that I know that I can't keep them." Suddenly the light went on and she gave me a huge OOOOOOOOOOOHHHH! as she got a big grin on her face. We have been closer as friends ever since. And for a time I could see her sizing me up and wondering if she would sleep with me. I know she wasn't thinking about doing anything, but it was written all over her face that she was wondering...if the situation was different. I'm pretty sure I would have had a shot. But as I've said, she's married so it isn't going to happen. But we have gotten got be very close work associates and have a great time working together.

I have come to realize that I now feel most comfortable in the company of young women. I enjoy their company more than anyone else. I don't know why but I seem to easily form personal connections with them. And they seem to appreciate me as a kind and loving man. And I don't mean just the women I date. This is true generally. Kinda cool really. I have a lot of fun with them.

 

With Number One, I could read her so well that sometimes it freaked her out. About six months into our relationship, and old boy friend contacted her. I knew all about their previous relationship and always had a strangely intrinsic understanding of her. So when she came over next, I guessed at what had transpired that week with her old bf. I was so dead on that she accused me of hacking her phone! She finally realized that was silly. But for a few minutes it really shook her up. She didn't understand how I could know so much about it. It was strange. She wasn't simple by any stretch. She was a very complicated young lady. But for some reason I understood her.

Long after she had moved on, we met for coffee to catch up. She had decided that we are connected souls and have been married in one or more previous lives. But our energies are not aligned for that in this life. I know the sort of thing I describe above is part of what led her to that belief. I suspect we will both spend the rest of our lives trying to understand what we had. I know that no one ever has affected me like she did. And letting her go was the hardest thing I've ever had to do.

 

Hmmmmm, I attended a social function associated with work today. There is another young woman I know from my work, I believe about 30, who was there and took a definite interest. She always seemed aloof, distant, and a little unfriendly, but I've been allowing that he might just be shy or introverted. But we had a chance to talk today. When we discovered that one of my favorite movies is her favorite movie, it was like the spring thaw. Then as she learned that I'm divorced and do a lot of dating, she was clearly showing an interest. So we will see. I have noticed in the past that she is a very beautiful young woman. She just doesn't flaunt it with her style. And with her personality, I didn't really see her as a potential date. But that took a definite 180 degree turn today.

No sugar added.

 

Oof! Dat rejection thou!

 

Yes, but 18 months later she told me that she loved me.Until then, honestly, my feeling was that I loved her enough for both of us. And I told her so.

So I was just about to start the coffee cycle - a flurry of coffee dates while trying to meet someone new - when I had a chance to talk with the one young lady from my work, which requires a slow and careful approach for political reasons. And I don't know what potential there might be but she is certainly acting like a whole different person. And she has THE look.

On top of that, the second most beautiful woman I've ever seen texted me. We dated a few times. I really liked her and we had a great time but we were looking for different things. But as they say, timing is everything and out of the blue she contacted me. I was planning to text her as well. I've often thought about contacting her but either she didn't respond, or I met someone else. I thought about her again yesterday and was going to text her tonight. Then, lo and behold, in came a text message. She was a classic smokin' hot blonde. Got a recent photo, She still is! Woohoo! So we're already planning an evening.

This could go either way. I'm open to a traditional relationship with a beautiful young woman. If that looks promising I'll certainly pursue things and see how it goes. But from what I remember I might fall for the hot blonde. I remember really liking her. This is a good problem. But one way or the other, I'm monogamous.

Course they might both dump me too.

 

I got much catching up to do, but you still hittin that young sub you were on about around 2 years ago?