Tasteless Humor II The Second One.

Discussion in 'Humor & Satire' started by Moi621, Feb 21, 2019.

  1. Sallyally

    Sallyally Well-Known Member Donor

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    Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day
    Teach him how to fish and he will sit in a boat & drink beer all day.
     
  2. Sallyally

    Sallyally Well-Known Member Donor

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    Father O'Malley comes out from Sunday mass to talk with his parishioners and Mrs. Coughlin asks if she may have a word with him.

    "Of course, Mrs. Coughlin. What seems to be the problem?

    “This may sound like a strange question, but I have a problem with my parrot and I hear that you have two wonderful parrots. And I don't know who to turn to.”

    “Well you certainly have come to the right person. What exactly is the problem?”

    “You may remember that my dear husband, God rest his soul, enjoyed a game or two of poker.”

    “I do recall Jim was quite the man with a deck of cards.”

    “Well to make a long story short, he was in this card game with a bunch of sailors only a month before he passed away and ended up winning a parrot to which he became very attached.”

    “So, now I have this parrot and I don't know what to do with it. She has the foulest mouth I've ever heard. I'm too embarrassed to even tell you what she says.”

    “Anyway, I've tried everything. I've scolded it. I've taken away her treats. I've even washed her mouth out with soap. It just hasn't deterred her at all. I can't take it anymore.”

    As she starts to sob, Father O'Malley tells her not to worry he has the answer to her problem and brings her over to his office in the rectory.

    As they enter the office, Mrs. Coughlin is amazed to see two parrots sitting in their cage, very calmly praying with little rosary beads in their claws.

    “Mrs. Coughlin I’d like you to meet my parrots, Tom and Harry.”

    “Boys say good morning to Mrs. Coughlin”

    Squawk! Good morning Mrs. Coughlin they say in unison and return to praying their little rosaries.

    “See how well they're behaved they are? I think if you were to bring over your parrot to spend a few days with my fine birds she would end up being just like them.”

    Oh, thank you father. If you don't mind I'll go home and bring my parrot right over.

    That's a fine idea. I'll see you soon.

    Twenty minutes later Mrs. Coughlin is back with a covered cage in her hand.

    Father O'Malley welcomes her in and tells her to place the cage on the hook next to his birds who continue to pray on their rosaries whike staring at the new cage placed next to them.

    Mrs. Coughlin take off the cover and immediately her parrot squawks at the other parrots.

    “Hey boys! Want a blow job?”

    Tom looks over at Harry and says,

    “We can finally throw these ****ing beads away, our prayers have been answered.”
     
  3. ToddWB

    ToddWB Well-Known Member Donor

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  4. HereWeGoAgain

    HereWeGoAgain Well-Known Member

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    Of course not. I just explained that she was using her real name online and saying it was "her friend". :rolleyes: It didn't take a great leap of intellect to guess that her friend was really her.

    But I have been stalked by two women online. They don't like the fact that I've been sleeping with hot 20 somethings for 7 years.
     
    Last edited: Feb 18, 2020
  5. HereWeGoAgain

    HereWeGoAgain Well-Known Member

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  6. Blaster3

    Blaster3 Well-Known Member

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  7. The Rhetoric of Life

    The Rhetoric of Life Well-Known Member

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  8. Red Lily

    Red Lily Well-Known Member

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  9. StillBlue

    StillBlue Well-Known Member

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    It's the old saying, Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean there isn't someone out to get you.
     
  10. Sallyally

    Sallyally Well-Known Member Donor

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    An 85 year old man goes to his doctor for his annual checkup...
    ... Doc says, Mr. Jones, I have bad news and worse news.

    "Whats the worse news?"

    "You have a relatively large brain tumor that is very aggressive and the treatment options are almost nonexistent, so I'm afraid you have about 6 months to live."

    Mr. Jones hangs his head for a couple moments and looks up to ask, "And the bad news?"

    "you have Alzheimers."

    Mr. Jones frowns and says, "well, at least I don't have cancer."
     
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  11. The Rhetoric of Life

    The Rhetoric of Life Well-Known Member

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  12. BaghdadBob

    BaghdadBob Well-Known Member

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    Belongs in Bad Puns.





    Really Bad Puns. :)
     
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  13. BaghdadBob

    BaghdadBob Well-Known Member

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    I remember when Mrs BB demanded to know if I had been sleeping with my super hawt & sexy 20-something secretary.

    I told her that, no, I had been awake the entire time.

    rimshot.gif
     
  14. The Rhetoric of Life

    The Rhetoric of Life Well-Known Member

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    Give a man a fish, he'd eat for a day, teach a man to fish, he'd probably die trying if you don't have to call the coast guard out to come get him.
     
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  15. Montegriffo

    Montegriffo Well-Known Member

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  16. Sallyally

    Sallyally Well-Known Member Donor

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    Doing the Boss
    A woman's boss calls her into his office asking her if she would house sit when he's gone for a weekend.
    Accepting right away she says , "I'll make a list right now of what you'll need. Whatll you need me to do?"

    "I've a mini pig that has a rash, can you rub some soothing oil on it?" The boss replies. "sure thing!" Says the woman

    Next the boss says," The thermostat is broken at the moment and I keep forgetting to replace it. It makes the whole house to hot, can you keep adjusting it so the house stays cool?" "Sure thing" "oh also, speaking of heat, that reminds me can you clean the oven?" "no problem!" She enthusiastically responds.

    "My son's staying home and will be there on Saturday around lunch time, he likes a specific boxed macaroni, would you be up to making it for him?" "You bet!"

    Lastly the boss asks, "Okay awesome, and the only other thing I need done is I have a neglected bonsai tree that needs some water? Do you mind?" "Consider it done, boss!"

    "Thanks so much!" He replies, "do you mind reading that list back to be so I know you got everything?"

    The woman responds, "Absolutely! : Hogwarts, cool, ov. Which Kraft™? And withered tree"
     
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  17. Sallyally

    Sallyally Well-Known Member Donor

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    You know how when your mouth waters when someone's grilling?
    Do vegans drool when someone is outside and is mowing their lawn?
     
  18. Sallyally

    Sallyally Well-Known Member Donor

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    Two missionaries in Africa were apprehended by a tribe of very hostile cannibals who put them in a large pot of water, build a huge fire under it, and left them there.
    As the water boiled and the heat grew more and more intense, one of the missionaries started to laugh uncontrollably.

    The other missionary can't believe it. He said, "What's wrong with you? We're being boiled alive! They're gonna eat us! What could possibly be funny at a time like this?"
    The other missionary said, "I just pissed in the soup!"
     
  19. StillBlue

    StillBlue Well-Known Member

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    I'm glad you were culturally accurate. Many think cannibals eat their missionaries raw but in this day and age they always cook them first. It prevents Ebola transmission.
     
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  20. liberalminority

    liberalminority Well-Known Member

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    "saint mel"

    [​IMG]
     
    Last edited: Feb 21, 2020
  21. StillBlue

    StillBlue Well-Known Member

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    Yeah, Trump would never do such a thing! At least according to Stormy he'd already have his answer.
     
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  22. Sallyally

    Sallyally Well-Known Member Donor

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    He is a rough bit of work.
     
  23. StillBlue

    StillBlue Well-Known Member

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    I think it's all those rolls he played a psychotic. Type casting. Could explain why he likes Trump as well.
     
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  24. gorfias

    gorfias Well-Known Member

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  25. gorfias

    gorfias Well-Known Member

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