How Not to React when Your Son Tells You that He's Gay

Then I don't know how to make it clear to you.

I think we should just call a truce and leave it at that.

 

#shocking.....


still not stopping anyone from claiming it to be fact, I notice

 

are you trying to imply that if one didn't like butt sex (giving and or receiving) with another guy that one would continue to do it because it's what they must do?

I call BS and say that if one did not like the butt sex, that one would stop doing it and either abstain or go hetero.

 

Is this your way of avoiding proof of your earlier accusations? Maybe you should just go ahead and admit you lied.

 

Sec, sexual orientation is based on attraction, not action. I'm attracted to both sexes, tberefore, despite only ever having relationships with women due to being closeted, I am bisexual. It's not hard to understand. Gay virgins exist.

 

I am implying nothing, I am stating very clearly that one knows one's sexuality long before ever engaging in sexual intercourse.

 

Anybody can make that claim.

I don't so stop arguing with me.

 

The proof was in the very post where you asked for it. Thought that was clear. Don't give a hoot if you 'disagree'.

 

and despite having never even stepped foot into a crane, I'm a crane operator just because i think I am.

your flawed logic back at you

 

Your logical fallacy is

That's not how sexual orientation works. It's based on attraction. And without getting too crass, my internet history tells that story in no uncertain terms.

 

But despite never having stepped foot in France, you are a francophile.

your flawed logic back at you.

 

Fail. All drama, no substance.

 

Statistically speaking, it's likely that the homophobes will have a great-grandchild, even likely with a great-great-grandchild that will be gay or bisexual.

Now they may be dead by then, but it'd be interesting to get their views on that...even if post-mortem.


But I think as you see with some of the Right....they just want "the whole gay thing to go away"....especially those who are utterly loyal Republican Party partisans who know that hating gays no longer shows any "electoral profit" for the GOP. (Names furnished upon request via PM)

 

Hi kettle, you're black.

 

I really don't think you want me and others to dig up every anti-gay thing you've ever said. I think the single instance where you non-ironically said something easily viewed as homophobic, in the very post where you called for proof of your homophobia, is sufficient. But I don't expect you to be able to connect the dots and understand why what you said is perceived as homophobic. I'm not persuaded that you have any desire to understand such things.

And I don't use the word 'homophobia' lightly. It's an overused term that I acknowledge has in some instances regrettably been used as a rhetorical tactic, greatly diluting its meaning. Such is not the case here, however.

The words you use and the things you say matter; they are how others judge your character, whether or not you find that judgment fair. In my judgment, you have repeatedly displayed a 'homophobic' attitude toward members of this forum, and toward gay people in general. Denying it won't alter that judgment. Arguing about it won't change this perception, either. The situation is one of your own making, and it is yours to undo by choosing to interact with us in a more respectful fashion. If you cannot do so, or do not wish to do so, that is likewise your choice to make. Just know that until there is a change in your behavior, I will continue to view your opinions on gay issues as largely being worthless and shameful. That's my bias, which you have inspired by your own actions. Pretending you have no culpability in the way you are perceived might soothe your own conscience, but it only diminishes your standing in my eyes.

 

And that is the truth.

 

Sec is 100% correct.

When a penis enters a vagina a fairy comes down from a star and sprinkles both with magic dust turning the male and female into heterosexuals.

Homosexuals are created when a boys slips in the shower and falls into another boy and the fairy accidentally makes them homosexual.

It is known.

 

What a silly post. You have no idea who I am or what I believe. Just because you're one of the pack of proud gay men on this forum doesn't mean your opinion is any more important than mine.

You can think whatever you like, but you can't back it up because I've never expressed HATE for gays because I don't hate gays. Based on personal experience, I do believe gay men are overly emotional. Two examples come to mind... this thread and the hissy fits over gay marriage as if it's the panacea for all mankind's problems.

Lee's already been caught telling one lie about me... would you like to provide some proof of your accusation or shall we just go ahead and mark you down as #2?

 

Don't you have an old Ford truck to work on?

 

Nope, just my Beetle at the moment. And she's in good shape right now. A Ford truck would be fun to work on though. I used to work on my Dad's old F150. That thing had two gas tanks, that's how much gas it ate back in the 80's.

 

The following are all statements you have made within this thread:

I understand that you don't see these statements as hateful. One wonders though if you might have a different opinion if they were directed at you or some group in which you have membership. You frequently make nasty generalizations about gay men. You deny wanting us to stay in the closet, but also say you don't understand our alleged need to confess. It's not hard to read between the lines and see the underlying truth concerning your opinions of gay men. Most of the time it isn't necessary, though. Most of the time you state it outright in the generalizations that you make. If you can't see that you're being hateful toward us, I doubt anything I say will open your eyes anyway.

You claim I don't know you or what you believe. I think it's pretty clear what you believe from the statements you have made. On the other hand, I would say that you don't really know anything about me, because you can't see the actual me through the fog of lies you tell yourself about gay men.

You make claims that we're violent. All you're doing is taking a statistic about domestic violence and trying to turn it into something that has no truth to it at all. Nevermind that you can't be bothered to ask why those statistics are higher for same-sex couples. You just take it at face-value that we're all prone to violence. How convenient for you, not having to employ your brain to think about the complexity of this and other issues. Meanwhile, I'm part of the 3/4 of gay people that haven't experienced domestic violence in my relationships. (I'm working from memory here, so forgive me if I've gotten the exact ratio wrong.)

Gay violence is rampant in this country? Really? And you talk about "packs of gay men". You make it sound like we're roaming the streets, beating up little old ladies for their bingo money or attacking innocent bystanders.

It's amazing that "having been around gay men all your life" that you've learned so very little about us, and the diversity that exists within the gay population as a whole. You're anecdotal life experience doesn't tell the whole story. That you think it makes you some kind of expert on gays doesn't mean you actually are.

You claim we're obsessed with gayness, but you're the one posting in a thread in the Gay Rights forum. If you don't want to read about it, you can start by staying out of this subforum.

I don't need you to reassure me that I'm okay. On the contrary, I've had to figure my life out largely on my own. I haven't had the benefit of parental guidance about relationships that my siblings had, nor on many of the other challenges that life has brought my way because I've spent most of my life sparing my family from having to deal with the reality of my gayness. And no, I'm not asking for anyone's sympathy or pity over this. Those were my decisions, and I take ownership and responsibility for them.

What I'm trying to get across is that once a person starts keeping secrets about something that significant to their identity, it becomes increasingly easy to just cut people out of other important life events as well. It got to the point where my parents realized they might not ever see me again - that's how little point there was to my interacting with them. They ended up knowing almost nothing about me because they had the misguided notion that they could somehow separate the rest of me from that one aspect of my life they didn't understand, didn't want to understand, and just didn't want to deal with, period. You allude to something similar in your posts; you think the son should just spare his family from his gayness for their comfort. What you don't seem to be able to fathom is that our gayness doesn't exist in a vacuum; it's not something we can turn on and off at will. Sure, we can try to hide it, but it's always there, like the proverbial "elephant in the room". It becomes impossible to have meaningful conversations about anything because the gay person and their family members are so focused on avoiding anything that might lead toward the topic of gayness that they find they really haven't much of anything to say to each other at all.

There comes a point, where as a matter of self-preservation, a person has to decide they're okay, regardless of other people's negative judgments - including those of one's family. You may think it's "self-absorbed", but I've long passed the point where I felt like taking anyone's (*)(*)(*)(*) for my being gay. It's called having a spine, instead of being everyone's doormat to wipe their feet on.

And this whole nonsense of gays hogging all the headlines having to do with domestic discord - who the hell do you think you're fooling? Almost all of the news is about heterosexuals (since they're the majority on the planet), including news about domestic violence. I think that statement gives us some idea of just how low you might be willing to go in order to foment anti-gay attitudes.

We're not overly emotional, just very pissed off.

But you think you don't HATE gays? Pull the other one. The fact that you're not suggesting that we be burned at the stake, etc. doesn't mean you aren't still being a hateful, small person.

I really have nothing left to say to you at this point. (Well, plenty more I could say, but I don't think you're worthy of the effort it would take for me to do so.) I will be ignoring you hereafter. I suggest you do the same to me, since you don't want me calling you out on your homophobia. As far as I'm concerned, it's your loss.

 

Quite honestly, I think she's lying about her "brother" and "gay friends". It's just a bit to convenient to have them all die before 60. Come on.

But I will say this, I've seen her in other forums, and she seems to have a lot of drug involvement in her life. So maybe all her gay friends did die before 60. If they were involved with drugs and trafficking, well duh. Of course they're dead.

Then just today, she quoted a post of mine, which I answered, then said I was commenting on some other posters entry and called me Jeff. WTF?

 

Heh, that's funny. I mean, I was kinda understanding when people started thinking that SFJeff and I were one-in-the-same when we would occasionally respond to posters that were in the middle of conversations with the other of us. Given our choice in name, it was understandable. Still I would hope they could tell the difference given things like our writing styles, but it's understandable. You, on the other hand...? I mean honestly, people step in on conversations that others are engaged in all the time. I don't know what to say about people who think that must be the same person, other than that they must have some sort of superiority complex to think that there can't be but one person in opposition to them, or even better are the people who think we're all part of some coalition of people, organized and tasked with attacking people like them out in the deep dark corners of the interwebz. Such delusions of grandeur.

 

She's got issues clearly. When she claimed I was Jeff, it all suddenly made sense. There is no backing out of that for her, but I'm sure she'll find a way.

 

Overly emotional? Check

AIDS denial? Check

Thx guys... you've proven my points.

Be sure and send a donation to the 'Support Daniel' fund. Poor baby man is obviously unable to support himself.