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League of Extraordinary Rednecks

Discussion in 'Other Off-Topic Chat' started by ringotuna, Nov 8, 2013.

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  1. ringotuna

    ringotuna Well-Known Member Past Donor

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    From the Internets:

    WHY OLD MEN DON'T GET HIRED

    Human Resources Guy: What's your biggest weakness?
    Ole Man: Honesty
    HR Guy: I don't think honesty is a weakness.
    Ole Man: I don't give a s(*)(*)(*) what you think.
     
    ringotuna, Mar 18, 2014
    #76
  2. ringotuna

    ringotuna Well-Known Member Past Donor

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    In 1982 at the reception dinner, she told her mom. "Mamma I think I can fix him." Today, I'm like "LOL, how'd that work out for ya?" :)
     
    ringotuna, Mar 19, 2014
    #77
  3. ringotuna

    ringotuna Well-Known Member Past Donor

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    Next time you go thinking about swallowing your bubble gum....think again. :)


    leg-exercises-tb-leg-extension-1.jpg
     
    ringotuna, Mar 26, 2014
    #78
  4. waltky

    waltky Well-Known Member

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    Oh...

    ... thought it was about m' family...

    ... nevermind.
     
    waltky, Mar 26, 2014
    #79
  5. ringotuna

    ringotuna Well-Known Member Past Donor

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    Over at Abe's barn, I asked my friends...
    "What's it like?"
    "What's what like?" they asked.
    "What's it like to stand in the shadow of a genius?"

    They looked around then someone asked "What's a genius?"
    "Exactly." I said.
     
    ringotuna, Mar 26, 2014
    #80
  6. ringotuna

    ringotuna Well-Known Member Past Donor

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    So one of the 'geniuses' gets an epiphany and asks. "Well if you're so f(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*) smart why do you hang out with us?

    Cause so long as you're around I'm never the dumbest redneck in the room. :)
     
    ringotuna, Mar 28, 2014
    #81
  7. ringotuna

    ringotuna Well-Known Member Past Donor

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    Just talked to my sister in Istanbul via Skype....So it's a great day...
     
    ringotuna, Mar 28, 2014
    #82
  8. ringotuna

    ringotuna Well-Known Member Past Donor

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    "Let's get away for the week-end and relax"...she said. 940 miles in three days later, I'm wore the hell out and need a day of rest.
     
    ringotuna, Apr 6, 2014
    #83
  9. wilmywood8455

    wilmywood8455 New Member

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    3 days, 940 miles? Whattya, walking? :omg:
     
    wilmywood8455, Apr 7, 2014
    #84
  10. ringotuna

    ringotuna Well-Known Member Past Donor

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    'Texas' miles Mr. Wood.....'Texas' miles. :)
     
    ringotuna, Apr 7, 2014
    #85
  11. ringotuna

    ringotuna Well-Known Member Past Donor

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    We was so poor we would beat up the rich kids just to smell the peanut butter on their breath.
     
    ringotuna, Apr 14, 2014
    #86
  12. ringotuna

    ringotuna Well-Known Member Past Donor

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    Should the three second rule apply equally to bologna as it does to rib-eyes?
     
    ringotuna, May 5, 2014
    #87
  13. wilmywood8455

    wilmywood8455 New Member

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    In general, bologna and rib-eye should not occupy the same sentence.:wink:
     
    wilmywood8455, May 6, 2014
    #88
  14. ringotuna

    ringotuna Well-Known Member Past Donor

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    Found on the internet.

    Teacher "Ok children, what sounds did we hear on our field trip to the farm yesterday?"

    "Moooo"
    "Quack Quack"
    "Bhaaaa Bhaaaa"
    "Get off that (*)(*)(*)(*)in tractor"
     
    ringotuna, May 18, 2014
    #89
  15. wilmywood8455

    wilmywood8455 New Member

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    A farmer named Clyde had a tractor accident. In court, the trucking company's fancy hot shot lawyer, was questioning Clyde. "Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine,'?" asked the lawyer.
    Clyde responded, "Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favourite cow, Bessie, into the..."
    "I didn't ask for any details", the lawyer interrupted. "Just answer the question, please. Did you, or did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'?"
    Clyde said, "Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer behind the tractor and I was driving down the road...."
    The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Your Honor, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question."
    By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Clyde's answer and said to the lawyer, "I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favourite cow, Bessie".
    Clyde thanked the Judge and proceeded. "Well, as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favourite cow, into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my John Deer Tractor right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting, real bad and didn't want to move. However, I could hear old Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans.
    Shortly after the accident a Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning, so he went over to her. After he looked at her, and saw her fatal condition, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes. Then the Patrolman came across the road, gun still in hand, looked at me, and said, "How are you feeling?"
    "Now tell me, what the f*‪#‎k‬ would you say?"
     
    wilmywood8455, May 19, 2014
    #90
  16. ringotuna

    ringotuna Well-Known Member Past Donor

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    Good morning Mr. Wood. Hope all's well in WilmyLand. Hey...drop me an e-mail. I've lost your address.
     
    ringotuna, May 19, 2014
    #91
  17. wilmywood8455

    wilmywood8455 New Member

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    1174517_10203295102609070_1211534022_n.jpg Just for fun!
     
    wilmywood8455, May 19, 2014
    #92
  18. ringotuna

    ringotuna Well-Known Member Past Donor

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    Everybody stop what you're doin....Kendra Jenner has a pimple.
     
    ringotuna, May 19, 2014
    #93
  19. ringotuna

    ringotuna Well-Known Member Past Donor

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    Replace the air-freshener in the office women's bathroom with an air horn. Then sit back and wait.
     
    ringotuna, Jun 17, 2014
    #94
  20. ringotuna

    ringotuna Well-Known Member Past Donor

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    Today was a good day. One in which I parlayed adversity into opportunity. YeeHaw!!!!
     
    ringotuna, Jun 24, 2014
    #95
  21. ringotuna

    ringotuna Well-Known Member Past Donor

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    Ruidoso Downs...Seven horses in the race. Mrs. Tuna had show tickets on three. I boxed 3 more for an exacta. Her horses came in dead last. The odd horse out, a long shot, placed third, killing my exacta. That my friends is how you bet on 6 of the 7 horses in a race and STILL loose your ass. :)
     
    ringotuna, Jun 29, 2014
    #96
  22. Tram Law

    Tram Law Banned

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    Now I want to write a movie with that title that features Rednecks as heroes fighting the scourge of socialist liberals.
     
    Tram Law, Jun 30, 2014
    #97
  23. ringotuna

    ringotuna Well-Known Member Past Donor

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    On that bitter sweet melancholy day when I walked my precious daughter up the aisle to give her hand to her groom before a crowd of several hundred guests........"Her mother and I" was my reply to the preachers question. I stood silent for an awkward moment then reached up, patted my soon to be son in law on the back and leaned in to whisper in his ear.

    I heard murmurs from the audience as I turned and took my seat next my wife. Many were touched emotionally by the gesture, yet left wondering.what I had said to the young man. The guests were abuzz at the reception. Was it sage advice? Was it a warning? What did the father of the bride whisper to the groom? Even my wife was curious and while we danced together she finally asked, what were my words?

    "I told him to get his (*)(*)(*)(*)in hands out of his pockets, he looked like a dumbass."
     
    ringotuna, Aug 7, 2014
    #98
  24. ringotuna

    ringotuna Well-Known Member Past Donor

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    "We must endeavor to persevere"*

    *Lone Watie.
     
    ringotuna, Aug 7, 2014
    #99
  25. ringotuna

    ringotuna Well-Known Member Past Donor

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    A good day in my little barn is one when I don't catch myself on fire.....today was not a good day. :)
     
    ringotuna, Aug 12, 2014
    #100
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