Tasteless Humor 3, Lord How Many More?

That is just sick!

 

Righties or lefties?

 

It is a dig at the fact America did not join the world wars until later in the conflicts

 

Why would a kid commit suicide rather than lose weight? I thought it was actually an interesting point.

 

Because losing weight is actually waaaay more complex than just “eat less exercise more” and especially in adolescence

 

As an Aussie, Americans are always asking me where in Australia there *isn't* something trying to kill you...
School is my answer

 

An Aussie is tramping through a jungle with his hunting gear. He comes into a clearing and finds a stunningly beautiful naked women sprawled out across a bed of leaves.
"My god," he says. "Are you game?"
She smiles invitingly, "Yes I am."
So he shoots her.

 

Q: What’s the difference between Cinderella and the Melbourne football team?
A: Cinderella wanted to get to the ball.

 

An Aussie phones an ambulance because his mate's been just hit by a car
Aussie: Get an ambulance here quick, he's bleeding from his nose and ears and I think both his legs are broken.

Operator: What is your location sir?

Aussie:On Eucalyptus Street.

Operator: How do you Spell that sir?

Silence..... (heavy breathing) and after a minute or so...

Operator: Are you there sir?

More heavy breathing and another minute later...

Operator: Sir, can you hear me?

This goes on for another few minutes until...

Operator:Sir, please answer me. Can you still hear me?

Aussie: Yes, sorry bout dat... I couldn't spell
eucalyptus, so I just dragged him around to Oak Street.

 

Two politicians go out to lunch together. In the middle of lunch one of them jumps up and says, "Bugger. I forgot to lock the office safe before we left."

The other politician replies "No worries. We're both here."

 

What are the only two seasons a bogan can name?
Football and cricket.

 

YOU KNOW YOU’RE A BOGAN IF...

You’ve ever cut the grass and found a car.


You think the stock market has a fence around it.


Your boat hasn’t left the driveway in 5 years.


You read the classifieds while holding a highlighter.


There are more than 7 McDonalds wrappers in your car.


You’ve taken out a loan to pay for your tattoo.


You know every driver racing at Bathurst.


You think the French Riviera is one of them fancy foreign cars.


Holden vs Ford is equivalent to good vs evil to you.


Your hero is Jack Daniels.


Fifth grade was your senior year.


You’ve been too drunk to go fishing.

 

I put a little gunpowder in the bottom of my friend's ashtray. It was OK while he flicked his ash into it but when he came to stub it out there was a brief flash, a small mushroom cloud and a lot of laughter.

 

Uh, does he still have all his fingers?

 

I have seen mentioned elsewhere that my IPhone will soon be "unsupported" (does that mean it won't work?) because it is not 5G compatible.. I pity the people I know that still use flip phones

 

If you're here for the yodelling lesson, please form an orderly orderly orderly orderly queue

 

Absolutely agree that you citizens of the Crown keep the wolves at bay while we dithered.. (please tho', just don't call me a Yank, I'm from Texas and there would be a fist fight before we could start buying rounds... tho' I hear that last part is status quo in the Outback)

 

I was in an American school library recently, going through a few magazines.

Then my rifle jammed

 

You gotta hand it to midgets.

Because some times they can't reach

 

I shouted to the barmaid, "Two pints of lager please.

"She said, "I'm not deaf."

I said, "Sorry, I noticed your wedding ring and the black eye. I presumed you had a problem listening."

 

Not a mark on him.
Well, maybe his underpants...

 

Love it!

 

Certainly in the right thread.

 

Well, the thread is called Tasteless Humour, so the gauntlet has been laid down