Tasteless Humor 3, Lord How Many More?

Lmao!! Those sure are some strange looking cucumbers!

 

You could do a cucumber facial too.

 

Hahahahahaha...why not?! Lol

 

Never eat the cucumbers at a lesbians house.

 

Just so you know Sally, when you try to persuade your new friend that posting racist memes in the humour section is not appropriate he sends you insulting PMs.

 

I've got a great idea. Since Sally has not contacted me nor I her, I'll out you on ignore. Troll begone!

 

Fair enough. I shall not be putting you on ignore and will continue to speak out against any racist memes you post.

 

Ok. Doesn’t sound good.

 

You do know that you can report insults in PM's, right?

 

A Texan, A Floridian, and a Kentuckian all die and goes to hell. While there, they spy a red phone and ask what the phone is for. The devil tells them it is for calling back to Earth.
The Texan asks to call Dallas and he talks for 5 minutes. When he is finished, the devil informs him that the cost of the call is a million dollars, so the Texan writes him a check.
Next the Floridian calls Miami and talks for 30 minutes. When he is finished, the devil informs him that the cost of the call is 6 million dollars, so he writes him a check.
Finally the Kentuckian gets his turn so he calls Louisville and talks for 4 hours. When he is finished, the devil informs him that the cost of the call is $5.00. When the Texan hears this, he goes ballistic and asks the devil why the Kentuckian got to call Louisville so cheaply.
The devil smiles and replies, "Since Andy Beshear took over, the state has gone to hell, so it's a local call”.

 

An Irishman, a Frenchman, and an Afghani man are riding around the world in a balloon...
When they are over Ireland, the Irish man picks up an enormous bag of potatoes and says ‘I’m giving my country this bag of potatoes, in hopes that some hungry souls can find happiness from full bellies.’ He tossed the bag of potatoes over the edge of the balloon's basket.

The Frenchman and the Afghani man think giving things to their countries is a wonderful idea. They set course for France where the Frenchman wants to drop an item to bring joy to people.

While over France, the Frenchman picks up a case of wine, and before dropping it over the edge of the basket, he says ‘I hope that this will be found by some countrymen who have fallen on hard times, and that drinking it and sharing it with friends and family will boost their spirits.’

On their last stop, Afghanistan, the Irishman and French man are curious what the Afghani man will toss over the edge, as his country is in such peril. Rather than something to bring happiness, the Afghani man picks up a bomb, tossing it out of the basket while cackling. He reveals to his companions that he is a terrorist, and says ‘I hope this brings misery and suffering!’

At the end of their balloon voyage (which was probably pretty awkward after Afghanistan), the three men go back to their home countries, hoping to see the difference the items they threw overboard made.

When the Irishman arrived in Dublin, he was horrified to see a large group of orphans begging for change and food scraps outside of the boarded up orphanage where up until recently, they lived. When he asked why the orphanage closed, one of the beggars explained that the kindly woman who ran the orphanage was on her way to pay their rent and pick up food, when a sack of potatoes fell from the sky and crushed her, leaving them homeless and starving.

Meanwhile in Paris, the Frenchmen was horrified when he opened up a newspaper and read about a freak accident at an outdoor wedding. A large case of wine fell from out of the sky, causing the tent the wedding was taking place under to collapse on all the guests and the many lit candles adorning the tables. The tent went up in flames, killing everyone trapped beneath it.

In Kabul, the Afghani terrorist was prowling the streets, looking for the place his bomb had fallen. He soon came to the smouldering wreckage of a building and looked around expectantly for sobbing people and grieving families. Instead, an unpleasant odour filled the air, and he saw a group of people near the blast, covering their noses and laughing hysterically. None were laughing harder than a man in the centre of their group, who had tears running down his face from laughing so hard.

The terrorist was enraged, and asked the man what was so funny. Why weren’t they wailing in grief? Still laughing, and wiping away tears, the man looked at the terrorist and said ‘I farted, and the building behind me exploded.’

 

An essential service...

 

Damn, Subway is kinky...

 

Some NHS trusts are going to stop doing circumcisions
.
.
.
They are saying it is due to cutbacks

 

Uhhh... you failed to post the address & phone number. I'll be needing that!!!

 

For the man who loves fish but can't stand sushi.

 

At the Olympics I saw a man carrying a long stick and I asked, "Are you a pole vaulter?"
He said "No. I am German but how did you know my name was Walter?"

 

I remember once when my brother was little, he asked “Dad, what are the ducks doing?”
“ Eat your Cornflakes” from Dad.

 

Tasteless, bravo.