Tasteless Humor

confuscious say:

"if she smell like cologne leave her alone, smell like fish eat all you wish"

 

My grandparents are democrat voters, which would have really annoyed them when they were alive

 

Around these parts -

If she smells like cologne leave her alone, if she smells like chicken, give her a licking.

 

It was the last time they let Sally take the boat out

 

Dad was livid!

 

Bob saw his doctor and asked if he had ever laughed at a patient.

"In over 20 years I haven't because I try to remain professional."

With that Bob dropped his trousers revealing the tiniest dick the doctor had ever seen. It wasn't any bigger than a AAA battery.

The doctor burst into uncontrolable hysteria. "I'm sorry I really am, I don't know what came over me, I promise it won't happen again. Now what seems to be the problem?"

"It's swollen" said Bob.

 

Transfinancial: Being a rich person born into a poor person's body.

 

Lmfao

 

I thought it was "If she's looks so rough she wuffs, then don't leave it alone, give that dog a bone"

 

The teacher asked Little Johnny: "How can you prove the earth is round?"

Little Johnny replied: "I can't. Besides, I never said it was."

 

My girlfriend told me she hoped I had something special planned for Valentine's Day.
I said "I'm working on it." and she smiled.
Which was weird as I thought she would be upset that I'm having to work on Valentine's Day

 

^ Brings back bad memories of burying my parents. It was especially tough burying mom at least until the dirt muffled her screams.

 

The premise for the matrix films was that the entire human race are used as chemical batteries, kept alive in a virtual reality to power the cities of the evil machines .
What a bunch of liberal ******* ...
In Victorian times our whalers in the antarctic melted down thousands of whales to turn them into oil for our lamps in britain.
Also because there were no trees, we burned penguins instead to get the vats boiling.
"Chuck another pingu on the fire dave".
Aint no evil like human evil .

 

I said to my wife, "Leave the pots, you've been at work all day and you've cooked the tea."
She said, "Awww thank you."
I said, "That's ok, you can do them tomorrow when you get home from work."

 

Yeah ... I remember the boss wouldn't even give me the day off from work for the funeral so I told him I was sick. He asked how sick, and I told him I was in bed with my sister.

 

Well, here's to hoping that the Grim Reaper is a woman.

That way I know she'll never come for me.

 

Of course the Grim Reaper's a woman

 

HEY! When I tell you stuff in confidence I expect it to remain private.

 

I had a bad dream last night. I dreamt I had a fight with the Grim Reaper and I hit him with the hoover.
.
.
.
I was Dyson with death.

 

Australians are said to be shocked at the news that a 12 year old girl has given birth at a Perth hospital.
All apart from Rolf Harris who was heard to say, "At last, a MILF".

 

She's not going to like AOC's Green deal lol.