Tasteless Humor

There are 3 knees showing in your other post. I think that you should lengthen the middle one so you could use the circled one as a spare and not replace it.

 

I should do something I guess. It’s kind of a drag the way it is.

 

Impressive. With that knee, you qualify as a studmuffin.

 

A man went into a pharmacy and asked to talk to a male pharmacist. The woman he was talking to said that she was the pharmacist and that she and her sister owned the store, so there were no males employed there. She asked if there was something which she could help the gentleman with.
The man said that it was something that he would be much more comfortable discussing with a male pharmacist.
The female pharmacist assured him that she was completely professional and whatever it was that he needed to discuss, he could be confident that she would treat him with the highest level of professionalism.
The man agreed and began by saying, "This is tough for me to discuss, but I have a permanent erection. It causes me a lot of problems and severe embarrassment. So I was wondering what you could give me for it?"
The pharmacist said, "Just a minute, I'll go talk to my sister."
When she returned, she said, "We discussed it at length and the absolute best we can do is, 1/3 ownership in the store, a company car, and $3000 a month living expenses.

 

I'm familiar with this expression, but apparently it's not true, although in MoonSun's case, it would be more accurate to call it your lover's nose...

 

Two guys are walking down the street. Across the street is a dog sitting there and licking his testicles. One guy says to the other:
"Gosh, I would love to do that". His friend responded: "Don't you think you should pet him first?"

 

Two guys are walking down the street when an old lady walks up to them, bares her chest, and says: "Super-Sex!". One guy looks at the other and says: "I think I'll have the soup".

 

A man was on a walking holiday in Ireland. He became thirsty so decided to ask at a home for something to drink. The lady of the house invited him in and served him a bowl of soup by the fire. There was a wee pig running around the kitchen, running up to the visitor and giving him a great deal of attention. The visitor commented that he had never seen a pig this friendly. The housewife replied: "Ah, he's not that friendly. That's his bowl you're using."

 

I once had a friend who chewed tobacco. He always used a Coke can for his spit. One day we were driving in his truck. He had a load of chew and he was drinking a Coke. Guess what happened? Yes, he drank from the wrong can! LOLOLOL!!!!

 

The Met office has announced that the current spell of wintry weather will continue to cause havoc for travellers.
.
.
.
As you can’t tarmac a driveway under 10 cm of snow.

 

Women: Trick your fellow road users into thinking you are a competent driver by using your indicators whilst changing lanes.

 

Are you reading Readers Digest again?

 

Nope!

Someone has taken pity on him and is reading Readers Digest to him!

 

Viz

 

The Pikeys round here would manage, lol

 

What size knitting needle do you recommend Sally to get inside my cast to scratch the itch

 

12

 

Make sure that whatever you scratch with, won't fall out of reach inside the cast. Tie a piece of string on the end.
They hate having to cut plasters off and replaster.
Ps. Friend of mine recommended a ruler.

 

A man was brought before the judge and charged with Necrophilia.
The judge told him: "In 20 years on the bench, I have never heard such a disgusting and immoral thing. Give me a good reason why I shouldn't lock you up and throw away the key."

The man replied: "I will give you 3 good reasons:

(1) It's none of your damn business.
(2) She was my wife.
(3) I didn't know she was dead because she always acted that way!"

 

It's official it's an early spring, I just watched Punxsutawney Phil live there can be no doubt.

 

I can identify with that

My wife's favorite position is facing Bloomingdales.

I think she cheats on me. I told my kid about the birds & the bees and he told me about my wife and the mailman.

She said she wanted to have sex in the back seat of the car .... but wanted me to drive.

I was tired one night and I went to the bar to have a few drinks. The bartender asked me, “What’ll you have?” I said, “Surprise me.” He showed me a naked picture of my wife.

She met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. She was just coming home.

One day as I came home early from work, I saw a guy jogging naked. I said to the guy, “Hey buddy…why are you doing that for?” He said, “Because you came home early.”

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

She cut me off for a month. I don't feel bad about, though. I know 2 guys she cut off completely!

Our sex life is dead. If it weren't for pick-pockets I'd get no action at all.

I asked her why she never talked to me after sex, and she told me she's never near a phone.

She's trying to get me more involved. She made me join a bridge club. I'm jumping on Monday.

She said I'm the problem. Maybe she's right. I worked in a pet store and people kept asking how big I'd get. I posed for Playgirl magazine and the staple covered everything.

Last week I told my psychiatrist, “I keep thinking about suicide.” He told me from now on I have to pay in advance.