Tasteless Humor II The Second One.

Have you heard them talk and half of my relatives are Scottish !!

 

A man and his wife check into a hotel. The husband wants to have a drink at the bar, but his wife is extremely tired so she decides to go on up to their room to rest. She lies down on the bed... just then, and elevated train passes by very close to the window and shakes the room so hard she's thrown out of the bed. Thinking this must be a freak occurrence, she lies down once more. Again a train shakes the room so violently, she's pitched to the floor. Exasperated, she calls the front desk, asks for the manager. The manager says he'll be right up. The manager is skeptical but the wife insists the story is true. "Look... lie here on the bed -- you'll be thrown right to the floor!" So he lies down next to the wife. Just then the husband walks in. "What," he says, "are you doing here!?!" The manager calmly replies, "Would you believe I'm waiting for a train?"

 

Trumpcare

 

After experimenting with lots of different drug and booze combinations, I finally discovered the Whisky, Valium and Heroin combo. Now the baby sleeps right through the night.

 

My wife told me that, if I had a vasectomy it would stop us having any more kids, which is a complete lie, all it's done is change the colour of our kids

 

Like my new avatar Nonnie? I ripped it from the Kim Foxx protest 2 days ago in Chicago.

 

My Oakley's came back from the opticians Quick turn around 7 days from posting.

The joke here Specsavers wanted £300 and 10 days! Online 7 days and £100 same branded lenses, I supplied the frames!

 

https://www.yahoo.com/news/california-man-67-falls-death-grand-canyon-001016187.html

The Grand Canyon should be closed due to dangerous conditions.​

A 67-year-old California man died when he fell over a ledge while visiting the Grand Canyon,
marking the third death in eight days at the popular Arizona tourist destination, park officials said on Thursday.



We do have laws against stupid, don't we?

 

No, we don't have laws against stupidity.. altho' maybe we should.. the only law, as we used to say in the Dept of Corrections "if we only had one law, against stupidity, the same people would be in prison".

 

Two Italian men get on a bus.
They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following

"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time."

"You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"

"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'."

 

My mate said "my wife is sex mad, I came home yesterday, she's only stark naked on the living room carpet, with four candles stuck up her ****"
I said "is that four candles or handles for forks?"
He said "just **** off will you"

 

A little corny too. Yeah, I knew that.

 

Two italians leave the bar. A barfly hollers, Which way did Dago?

 

A guy named Roy buys a new pair of shoes and leaves them under the bed overnight where they are torn and shredded to pieces by his pet cat.

The next morning a friend arrives and notices the damage to his new shoes.
He looks at Roy's cat and points asking, "Pardon me Roy, is that the cat who chewed your new shoes?

 

The guy that invented the anagram has died today.

May he 'erect a penis'

 

The guy that invented the USB stick has died today.

Thanks for the memory.

 

I almost forgot. It's National Alzheimer's day today.

 

A retired four-star general ran into his former orderly, also retired, in a Manhattan bar and spent the rest of the evening persuading him to come work for him as his valet. "Your duties will be exactly the same as they were in the army," the general said. "Nothing to it - you'll catch on again fast." Next morning promptly at eight o'clock, the ex-orderly entered the ex-general's bedroom, pulled open the drapes, gave the general a gentle shake, strode around the other side of the bed, spanked his employer's wife on her bottom and said, "OK, sweetheart, it's back to the village for you."

 

Who is Alzheimer?

 

.

 

Der. I'm old and slow. just got it after seeing the subsequent post.

 

That's a bit horrible now isn't it.he must have been chuckling to himself.