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Tasteless Humor II The Second One.

Discussion in 'Humor & Satire' started by Moi621, Feb 21, 2019.

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  1. ToddWB

    ToddWB Well-Known Member Past Donor

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    That's IS hilarious! But in fact, where I live, if I see a blackman I figure, federal law enforcement officer (or their dependents), because here in this small town on the Border (98% Mexican) that's the only blacks we have.
     
    ToddWB, Apr 16, 2019
    #476
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  2. Nonnie

    Nonnie Well-Known Member Past Donor

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    So the advice is, if your dad wanders into your room in the morning, don't wake up yawning?
     
    Nonnie, Apr 16, 2019
    #477
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  3. Moi621

    Moi621 Well-Known Member Past Donor

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    If attacked by a mob of clowns

    go for the juggler.
     
    Moi621, Apr 16, 2019
    #478
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  4. Blaster3

    Blaster3 Well-Known Member

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    report thyself... it's a blast
     
    Blaster3, Apr 16, 2019
    #479
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  5. Nonnie

    Nonnie Well-Known Member Past Donor

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    Why can't you fool an aborted fetus?

    Because it wasn't born yesterday.
     
    Nonnie, Apr 17, 2019
    #480
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  6. Nonnie

    Nonnie Well-Known Member Past Donor

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    My doctor prescribed me haemorrhoid cream. It said on the box, "For external use only".

    My neighbors weren't best pleased.
     
    Nonnie, Apr 17, 2019
    #481
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  7. Nonnie

    Nonnie Well-Known Member Past Donor

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    Because of a bad case of hemorrhoids, a gay goes to his doctor. The physician prescribes suppositories, but when it comes time to use them the young man is afraid he will do it wrong. So he goes into the bathroom and bends over and looks through his legs into the mirror to line up the target. All of a sudden, his penis becomes stiff, blocking his view. "Oh, stop it," the young man scolds his organ, "it's only me."
     
    Nonnie, Apr 17, 2019
    #482
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  8. Nonnie

    Nonnie Well-Known Member Past Donor

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    I put the sexy in dyslexia.
     
    Nonnie, Apr 17, 2019
    #483
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  9. Nonnie

    Nonnie Well-Known Member Past Donor

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    Just remember, don't let an extra chromosome get you down.
     
    Nonnie, Apr 17, 2019
    #484
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  10. Nonnie

    Nonnie Well-Known Member Past Donor

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    What did Stephen Hawking say when his computer crashed?

    Nothing.
     
    Nonnie, Apr 17, 2019
    #485
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  11. Nonnie

    Nonnie Well-Known Member Past Donor

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    What is black and sits at the top of the stairs?

    Stephen Hawking after a house fire.
     
    Nonnie, Apr 17, 2019
    #486
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  12. Nonnie

    Nonnie Well-Known Member Past Donor

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    What do you call a kid with no arms and no legs?

    Names.
     
    Nonnie, Apr 17, 2019
    #487
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  13. Sallyally

    Sallyally Well-Known Member Donor

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    Moses was sitting in the Egyptian ghetto. Things were terrible. Pharaoh wouldn't even speak to him. The rest of the Israelites were mad at him and making the overseers even more irritable than usual, etc. He was about ready to give up. Suddenly a booming, sonorous voice spoke from above: "You, Moses, heed me ! I have good news, and bad news." Moses was staggered. The voice continued: "You, Moses, will lead the People of Israel from bondage. If Pharaoh refuses to release your bonds, I will smite Egypt with a rain of frogs" "You, Moses, will lead the People of Israel to the Promised Land. If Pharaoh blocks your way, I will smite Egypt with a plague of Locust." "You, Moses, will lead the People of Israel to freedom and safety. If Pharaoh's army pursues you, I will part the waters of the Red Sea to open your path to the Promised Land." Moses was stunned. He stammered, "That's.... that's fantastic. I can't believe it! --- But what's the bad news?" "You, Moses, must write the Environmental Impact Statement.”
     
    Sallyally, Apr 17, 2019
    #488
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  14. Nonnie

    Nonnie Well-Known Member Past Donor

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    Wife: "Honey, I'm pregnant"

    Husband: "Hi Pregnant, I'm dad"

    Wife: "No you’re not"
     
    Nonnie, Apr 17, 2019
    #489
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  15. cerberus

    cerberus Well-Known Member Past Donor

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    Sailor comes home after a 2-year tour on a round-the-world flying the flag detail, and finds his wife is preggars.

    'What's all this then?' says he.
    'It's a grudge baby.'
    'A grudge baby? What's a grudge baby?'
    'Well while you were away somebody had it in for you.'
     
    Last edited: Apr 17, 2019
    cerberus, Apr 17, 2019
    #490
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  16. Collateral Damage

    Collateral Damage Well-Known Member

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    Interestingly enough, and not to take too serious a turn in this muck pool, acknowledging someone's skin color is not racist, just as acknowledging someone has straight hair or a big nose. It's Why you acknowledge it and what you do with that knowledge.

    I know you are from across the pond, but take the Obama presidency in example. Exactly who made the big deal of him being the first Black president: two points, not only was he not actually 'Black', he was of mixed heritage, but in the words of a character from a TV show (Law and Order) 'am I a Black man, or am I man who is Black?'.

    In classic CD terminology, I don't care what color you are, how do you treat other people and animals?

    Oh and the dude third back? He's a school teacher....
     
    Collateral Damage, Apr 17, 2019
    #491
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  17. BaghdadBob

    BaghdadBob Well-Known Member

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    Matt?
     
    BaghdadBob, Apr 17, 2019
    #492
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  18. BaghdadBob

    BaghdadBob Well-Known Member

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    Not a joke ...

    Qatari sociologist on how to properly beat your wife.



    In America, the Surgeon General Jocelyn Elders wanted to teach kids how to beat your meat ...



    I must be really smart cuz I figured how to do both at the same time.
     
    Last edited: Apr 17, 2019
    BaghdadBob, Apr 17, 2019
    #493
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  19. Liberty Monkey

    Liberty Monkey Well-Known Member

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    After years at my job, I finally managed to walk away with the “Employee of the Month” award. Unfortunately security caught me at the door.
     
    Liberty Monkey, Apr 17, 2019
    #494
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  20. StillBlue

    StillBlue Well-Known Member

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    You should have stashed it under your skirt. Nobody pays their guards enough to check under your skirt.
     
    StillBlue, Apr 17, 2019
    #495
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  21. Blaster3

    Blaster3 Well-Known Member

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    i know some guards will do it for free...

    hold on, maybe that was the tsa...
     
    Blaster3, Apr 17, 2019
    #496
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  22. Liberty Monkey

    Liberty Monkey Well-Known Member

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    It's not gay if it's the TSA
     
    Liberty Monkey, Apr 17, 2019
    #497
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  23. Nonnie

    Nonnie Well-Known Member Past Donor

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    How do you get bubblegum out of your hair?

    Cancer.
     
    Nonnie, Apr 17, 2019
    #498
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  24. Liberty Monkey

    Liberty Monkey Well-Known Member

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    Time for a trip to Columbia :)
     
    Liberty Monkey, Apr 17, 2019
    #499
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  25. Liberty Monkey

    Liberty Monkey Well-Known Member

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    A new survey shows that 25 to 30 year olds don't drink as much alcohol as they did 20 years ago.
    .
    .
    .
    They must have been one pissed bunch of 5 to 10 year olds.
     
    Liberty Monkey, Apr 17, 2019
    #500
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