Tasteless Humor

Discussion in 'Humor & Satire' started by Moi621, Jul 19, 2014.

  1. Sallyally

    Sallyally Well-Known Member Donor

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    Not having a go at you The Scotsman but it's funny.
    It could be a Yorkshireman instead.
    Funny Scottish One-liner

    At an art auction in Edinburgh, Scotland, a wealthy American lost his wallet containing £20,000 [$45,000]. He announced to the gathering that that he would give a reward of £200 to the person who found it.

    From the back of the hall a Scottish voice shouted, 'I'll give £250.'
     
  2. The Scotsman

    The Scotsman Well-Known Member

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    BREAKING NEWS
    Nobody actually gives a turd about Obama’s birth certificate.
     
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  3. The Scotsman

    The Scotsman Well-Known Member

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    Well, never pass up a chance for a bargin ;)
     
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  4. Liberty Monkey

    Liberty Monkey Well-Known Member

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    WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?

    GEORGE W. BUSH

    We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or it is against us. There is no middle ground here.

    AL GORE
    I invented the chicken. I invented the road. Therefore, the chicken crossing the road represented the application of these two different functions of government in a new, reinvented way designed to bring
    greater services to the American people.

    RALPH NADER
    The chicken's habitat on the original side of the road had been polluted by unchecked industrialist greed. The chicken did not reach the unspoiled habitat on the other side of the road because it was crushed by the wheels of a gas-guzzling SUV.

    PAT BUCHANAN
    To steal a job from a decent, hard-working American.

    RUSH LIMBAUGH
    I don't know why the chicken crossed the road, but I'll bet it was getting a government grant to cross the road, and I'll bet someone out there is already forming a support group to help chickens with
    crossing-the-road syndrome. Can you believe this? How much more of this can real Americans take? Chickens crossing the road paid for by their tax dollars, and when I say tax dollars, I'm talking about your money, money the government took from you to build roads for chickens to cross.

    MARTHA STEWART
    No one called to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the farmer's market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

    JERRY FALWELL
    Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other side." That's what they call it -- the other side. Yes, my friends, that Chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side."

    DR. SEUSS

    Did the chicken cross the road?
    Did he cross it with a toad?
    Yes, The chicken crossed the road,
    But why it crossed, I've not been told!

    ERNEST HEMINGWAY
    To die. In the rain. Alone.

    MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.
    I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

    GRANDPA
    In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

    JOHN LENNON
    Imagine all the chickens crossing roads in peace.

    ARISTOTLE
    It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

    KARL MARX
    It was a historical inevitability.

    RONALD REAGAN
    What chicken?

    CAPTAIN KIRK
    To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

    BARBARA WALTERS
    Isn't that interesting? In a few moments we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart-warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting and went on to accomplish its life-long dream of crossing the road.

    SADDAM HUSSEIN
    This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

    VOLTAIRE
    I may not agree with what the chicken did, but I will defend to the death its right to do it.


    FOX MULDER
    You saw it cross the road with your own eyes! How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it?

    SIGMUND FREUD
    The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

    BILL GATES
    I have just released eChicken 2009, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook - and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.

    ALBERT EINSTEIN
    Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?

    BILL CLINTON
    I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken, please?

    THE BIBLE
    And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

    COLONEL SANDERS
    I missed one?
     
    Last edited: Aug 10, 2018
  5. The Scotsman

    The Scotsman Well-Known Member

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    ..and extolling the intellectual prowess of Tommy Robinson....that shining beacon carrying the tarnished torch of British freedom....
    What is it with Republican Americans and that brainfuzzed monger Tommy Robinson....don't they get it that he's just some cupid stunt suffering from verbal diarrhea
     
  6. The Scotsman

    The Scotsman Well-Known Member

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    Trump.
    Did Putin tell him too?...Anyway he must be a great chicken...he's doing a good job making chickens great again...a great job for all chickens...a great job...great chicken!!
    If I was a chicken I'd be that chicken to...I'd have chicken spurs instead of foot spurs...!!
     
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  7. StillBlue

    StillBlue Well-Known Member

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    Which came first the chicken or the egg? Simple, the egg, but it wasn't a chicken that laid it.
     
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  8. Nonnie

    Nonnie Well-Known Member Past Donor

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    My dog is that thick, he sat in the corner of the room chewing on a bone for half an hour. When he stood up, his leg fell off.
     
    Last edited: Aug 10, 2018
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  9. Liberty Monkey

    Liberty Monkey Well-Known Member

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  10. Liberty Monkey

    Liberty Monkey Well-Known Member

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  11. Liberty Monkey

    Liberty Monkey Well-Known Member

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  12. Nonnie

    Nonnie Well-Known Member Past Donor

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  13. yasureoktoo

    yasureoktoo Well-Known Member

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    why did the pervert cross the road.

    Couldn't get his dick out of the chicken.
     
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  14. Nonnie

    Nonnie Well-Known Member Past Donor

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    Tasteless Humour

    Some believe Socialism is viable.
     
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  15. JakeJ

    JakeJ Well-Known Member Past Donor

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    The white Democrat Greyhound bus driver pulled up for to crowd a people of many races waiting to get on for the roadtrip. Quickly, people were arguing over who sits in the front of the bus and who sits in the back.

    The bus driver stood up and boomed out: "People, listen up and listen up good! On MY bus there are no white people. There are no black people. No brown, red or yellow people. On MY bus, all of you are green. We are all one people, we are all green. Do you all understand what i'm saying? You are all green people. You light green people sit up here in the front and you darkest green people sit in the back."
     
    Last edited: Aug 10, 2018
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  16. JakeJ

    JakeJ Well-Known Member Past Donor

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    Why did the Democrat voter cross the road?

    Because there is no wall on the border.
     
    Last edited: Aug 10, 2018
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  17. Nonnie

    Nonnie Well-Known Member Past Donor

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    I was just clearing out the attic and I found an unwrapped present that we forgot to give to the kids last Christmas.
    .
    .
    .
    They would have loved that puppy.
     
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  18. Nonnie

    Nonnie Well-Known Member Past Donor

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    Dear Santa

    This year, could I please have a less violent step Dad.
     
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  19. Nonnie

    Nonnie Well-Known Member Past Donor

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    Dear Santa

    Thank you for the Super Soaker 500.

    I'm now the best armed citizen in the UK.
     
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  20. Sallyally

    Sallyally Well-Known Member Donor

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    • Lady, at pedestrian crossing, waiting to cross the road saw the little Green Man and heard the audible sound so duly crossed over to the other pavement. An American visitor asked what was the purpose of the audible sound. On being told it was for blind people said, 'Oh, we don't let them drive in America' !!
     
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