Tasteless Humor

Thanks

 

I came up with my own alternative for the 11th month Ho-vender I'll let your imaginations fill in the missing details, we start in Vegas

 

A rancher needs a bull to service his cows so borrows the money from the bank. The banker who lent the money comes by a week later to see how his investment is doing. The farmer complains that the bull just eats grass and won't even look at the cows. The banker suggests that a veterinarian have a look at the bull. The next week the banker returns to see if the vet helped. The farmer looks very pleased: "The bull has serviced all my cows, broke through the fence, and has serviced all of my neighbor's cows." "Wow," says the banker. "What did the vet do to that bull?" "Just gave him some pills," replied the farmer. "What kind of pills?" asked the banker. I don't know," said the farmer. "But they sort of taste like chocolate."

 

I'm off to video Dennis Norden's funeral just in case the undertakers trip up and drop his coffin.

 

I had a vasectomy because I didnt want any kids. But, when I got home, they were still there.

 

I'm sure Ken Dodd would laugh at this:

'Did you hear that Ken Dodd died yesterday?'

'Did he?'

'No, Doddy.'

 

And what did mummy say to you?

 

Pr

Probably labeled him with a different 4 letter word.

 

My mum says it has a C, U & a T in it
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Obviously Cute

 

hes got a show on netfilx now too

 

Rape isn't a laughing matter.
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Unless it is with a clown.

 

A woman goes to the doctors complaining of stomach cramps. She gets sent off for some test and comes back a week later.

"Well, I hope you're ready for endless sleepless nights of crying and changing dirty nappies!" the doc says.

"Wow, you mean I'm pregnant?" the woman replies thrilled.

"No, you've got bowel cancer."

 

I just found out сосk fighting is done with chickens.
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Well that's 12 months of training down the drain.

 

NEWS FLASH

Two car pile up on the Mexican border.
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73 confirmed dead.

 

At the cinema a man noticed a young woman sitting all by herself.
He was excited to see she had both hands under her skirt and was fingering herself furiously.
He moved to the next seat to her and offered his help. She welcomed his help, and so the man started fingering her like crazy.
When he tired and withdrew his hand, he was surprised to see her go back to work on herself with both hands. Wasn't I good enough?" he asked sheepishly.
"Great," she said, "but these crabs are still itching!"

 

Jimmy Carr joke (very bad)

How do you get a gay guy to s**g a woman?
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S**t in her c**t.

 

I walked in the bedroom to find my wife dead in the bed the other day.
Looking at her lifeless there, I decided to have one last go. Right in the middle she opened her eyes and shouted BOO! Honestly, some people are sick in the head.

 

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Breaking News Basil Brush is to convert to Islam.
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BOOM BOOM.